Baby shower. I’m Not being unreasonable but my sister is. How do I tell her to get tae fuck?

[leafhandle]

My usual response would be to tell her to stop being a massive baw bag but she’s being absolutely ridiculous and I don’t want to piss her off more.

this is her 3rd baby.

had surgery 3 weeks ago, cancer surgery and I’ve had 5 operations since the original operation because it’s all gone a bit tits up. I’m home now and beyond exhausted. I had my kidney removed and a nephrostomy bag fitted to the other one because of sarcoma. So I’m feeling very vulnerable and absolutely knackered.

My sister who is usually normal has thrown her toys well and truly out of the pram about her baby shower. Her stipulations are as follows;

1. if I go to the baby shower that I cannot talk to family about my operation, mention cancer or mention feeling shitty
2. if I don’t go, I must tell everyone it is because I have norovirus and it’s nothing to do with cancer.
3. If I do go, I must wear my ‘normal wig’ not the colourful one.
4. it’s me who’s organising the whole fucking thing so I need to include x y z like afternoon tea and as her family we should be paying for her and her friends to attend.

I would never make her baby shower about
me but I really don’t know if I have the energy to go to her baby shower, let alone have her dictating what wig I wear. I will have lost my hair by that point (4 weeks) and I don’t even know if I’ll be able to wear a wig because I found them so itchy last time. Also I don’t know if she realises that if chemo doesn’t work for the other tumour I have this will probably be my last Christmas as this is my third go at cancer.

i want to tell her to fuck off and not bother with her ever again but she didn’t have a baby shower with baby 1
or 2 because it was 2020 & 2021 so Covid so she sees this as her last chance of a baby shower because this is her last baby. So I want to give her the benefit of the doubt but fuck me she is so difficult at the moment.

Don't organise it, but attend, if well enough on the day, in your baw-heided* glory.

• had to check the terminology with my Scottish DH.

This is one of the worst things I’ve ever read on here.

Im sorry you’re going through all this op and without the support and care you deserve. My advice is focus on yourself and tell her to go fuck herself.

Did she put all of these stipulations in Whatsap messages or a conversation?

She is a monumental narcissist.

Stick with your original plans & tell her to fuck off. What an utterly selfish bitch your sister is.

I wish you well with your treatment & hope you see positive results. If time is limited, don’t waste it on arseholes.

She appears to have lost her mind OP, hopefully it's temporary as you say she's usually a normal human. Don't go, and its not like you have going to be making a big WhatsApp announcement as to why you are going, what is she even talking about?! If someone asks why you arent/didn't go tell the whatever you feel comfortable with, in these kind of circumstances not every gets the full story anyway as there are close and superficial relationships involved

I'm so so sorry to hear what you're going through OP.
Your sister is being so selfish and callous its ridiculous! How dare she tell you what you can and cant say/do! Does she understand the gravity of your situation?
I would message now and gracefully bow out of any planning/help etc to do with this utterly ridiculous baby shower and concentrate on yourself and getting better.
Tell anyone who asks you why you're not coming the truth. How dare she try and control you in such a selfish and insensitive way xxxx

Attend the baby shower, wear the colourful wig and talk about your cancer and everything you’ve been through. Fuck her.

Someone else from the family can organise a baby shower. It really doesn’t have to be you. It can even be her friend. Just hand over what you already done to someone else.

shes behaving very cruelly and selfishly

What an utterly awful person your sister is. What’s the baby equivalent to bridezilla!?

I would want to tell her to fuck off frankly. Does she understand how very unwell you have been and the recovery you have ahead of you? Best of luck with your treatment an recovery OP.

I had cancer a few years ago, it's utterly shit when people are being nice to you so I can only imagine the stress you're feeling at your sisters behaviour.

I would be tempted to make a massive banner saying "Leafbanners Cancer Party" and stick it up, the get a tshirt printed saying "ask me about my cancer" and wear that alongside sticking gems all over my head tbh.

If I wasn't feeling that energetic and petty I would just stop organising anything, cancel all of the arrangements so far and leave your sister to do it herself. What kind of narcissist issues instructions to a cancer patient in case they get a bit of attention ffs.

Wishing all the best for your health op 💐

Your sister is a cunt

Tell her to fuck off

If you can't do it face to face then message her

Seriously I'm fucking angry on your behalf and if you were my friend I'd be telling her to save you spending your energy on that twat

Sending hugs 💐🌼🌷🪻🌸

What an absolutely unfeeling cow your sister is being.

I think I’d respond “as I can’t help the cancer that means I might not even be here to see the baby grow up I’m pulling out of organising and attending”

Im sorry you’re going through this. Cancer is completely shit.

Your sister should be supporting not not dictating how you deal with it.

Baby showers are an American tradition that seem to have got distorted on their journey across the Atlantic. You don’t need one for a third baby. You aren’t new to motherhood and you have all the baby kit you need.

Just joining in the chorus to say hand the Baby Shower back for someone else to organise. Prioritise yourself. Go or don't based on how you feel on the day.

She's (temporarily) lost sight of what is important. But thats not for you to fix or explain.

I'd write her a sincere letter and if no apology would consider low contact.

Jesus she’s awful.

Couldn’t get past she’s having a baby shower for her 3rd child or did I read that wrong??😂😂😂😂

Im angry on your behalf, your sister is being utterly selfish and uncaring towards you. I’d be telling her to fuck off!!

abs tell her to get tae the far side of fuck, and then tae fuck off some more, absolute wee Fanny.

@leafhandle who else in your family is she expecting to pay? Do they know what a gobshite she is being? If none of them will tell her to wind her neck in, am sure there’s many of us here who will tell her!

My reply would be a simple

You don’t get to control how I response and manage my cancer. I do however realise that it’s best I step back from this baby shower as I do not have either the emotional capacity or physical strength to deal with it.

What a bitch.

I'd cancel it and look after yourself.

All the best op x

I was thinking of far side of fick too when I read this!

or “Sister” are you feeling quite alright or are you having a peculiar turn?

Ps: this is not up for discussion. I have handed everything over to (insert name) to organise and I will not be attending
Have the day you deserve

Wow that’s pretty awful you’ve been told not to mention your illness. No doubt people who haven’t seen you for a while would want to ask how you are. Your sister clearly wants all the attention on her, which quite frankly is selfish and rude. I wouldn’t be attending and I wouldn’t be lying either.

Tell that selfish cow to go get fucked.
Just look after yourself. If that's self serving then OK. It's you that matters not a 3rd baby shower. I would think 1 would have been enough. Baby showers are the least important thing in the world, it's just so the parents get loads of presents. Stupid American idea.

Do what you what!
Tell people what you want!
Wear what you want!
Only listen to your nasty, controlling, self centre B of a sister if it suits you.

Good luck with everything