Baby shower. I’m Not being unreasonable but my sister is. How do I tell her to get tae fuck?

[leafhandle]

My usual response would be to tell her to stop being a massive baw bag but she’s being absolutely ridiculous and I don’t want to piss her off more.

this is her 3rd baby.

had surgery 3 weeks ago, cancer surgery and I’ve had 5 operations since the original operation because it’s all gone a bit tits up. I’m home now and beyond exhausted. I had my kidney removed and a nephrostomy bag fitted to the other one because of sarcoma. So I’m feeling very vulnerable and absolutely knackered.

My sister who is usually normal has thrown her toys well and truly out of the pram about her baby shower. Her stipulations are as follows;

1. if I go to the baby shower that I cannot talk to family about my operation, mention cancer or mention feeling shitty
2. if I don’t go, I must tell everyone it is because I have norovirus and it’s nothing to do with cancer.
3. If I do go, I must wear my ‘normal wig’ not the colourful one.
4. it’s me who’s organising the whole fucking thing so I need to include x y z like afternoon tea and as her family we should be paying for her and her friends to attend.

I would never make her baby shower about
me but I really don’t know if I have the energy to go to her baby shower, let alone have her dictating what wig I wear. I will have lost my hair by that point (4 weeks) and I don’t even know if I’ll be able to wear a wig because I found them so itchy last time. Also I don’t know if she realises that if chemo doesn’t work for the other tumour I have this will probably be my last Christmas as this is my third go at cancer.

i want to tell her to fuck off and not bother with her ever again but she didn’t have a baby shower with baby 1
or 2 because it was 2020 & 2021 so Covid so she sees this as her last chance of a baby shower because this is her last baby. So I want to give her the benefit of the doubt but fuck me she is so difficult at the moment.

She needs a reality check, especially as this isn’t her first baby

This is so beyond the realms of selfish behaviour that it's almost farcical.

What a dreadful, self centred person she is. You deserve love, care, compassion, and support. She is showing none of these.

I am so sorry, OP. I've seen my late brother suffer from bowel cancer and I did everything I could to help and support him, no matter what feelings I had. It was just what should be done, no questions.

I truly hope your sister sees how selfish she is. She doesn't deserve someone as lovely as you. Sending hugs, you look after yourself and take care ❤️xxx

Tell her to sort herself out and don’t go. What an absolutely selfish woman. I’m absolutely fizzing with anger for you. Fucking hell I wish I was your mate. I’d be having a very STRONG word with her. Tell her to fuck off x

Baby showers are a hideous trend born out of the rise of social media and influencer culture. Plenty of people don’t have them.

If your sister isn’t saying “forget the shower, I and/or my friends will sort all the organisation, you concentrate on your recovery and if you don’t feel up to coming that’s absolutely fine” then she’s a selfish twat, end of.

A big fuck off to cancer and a fuck you to your sister. She’s actually unbelievable!!

Jesus OP. First off I am so so sorry you're going through this shit. I hope more than anything your treatment works.

Your sister is so totally unreasonable I cannot even comprehend. There is no excuse for how shes acting here. Pregnant with hormones or not. I would tell her you're taking a complete step back if it was me. She can tell people what she liked

Wow. What a fucking bitch. I have nothing else!

I don't often read an OP and go 😲 but I just have. I don't think I could comply with that list of demands.

Just an update if anyone cares! I have read all the responses and I have told my Mum and my sister I won’t be attending her baby shower and I will be telling people it’s because I have just had surgery and it’s too much right now. I won’t at the moment tell the wider family that she’s been a massive bawbag but I will happily drop her in the shit if she gets pissy with me. So I’m not going regardless and if she doesn’t apologise I will be seeing her on special occasions but I won’t be going out of my way to see her or my nieces which is really sad but it’s not my fault or choice. That’s on my sister’s behaviour and not on my conscience.

i needed the push from this to tell her to get tae fuck and actually it feels liberating. Like I can focus on chemo now and buy some more pink wigs..

Thank you!

Goodness me! You poor thing having to deal with so much. I wish you the best of luck with your chemo. Concentrate on yourself and hopefully once your sister’s hormones calm down she’ll realise what she’s done x

I'm a Southerner but I'd make a special journey just to shout 'GET TAE FUCK'! to your arsewipe of a Sister

I hope her balloons deflate and the cupcakes are stale...petty I know but JFC she is something else

Jesus this is beyond CF territory. What a spoilt little witch she is. Op you sound like an absolute legend and I’m sending you nothing but positivity and best wishes for your chemo. Fuck her and fuck her basic baby shower. Some things are more important.

Well done you, you did the right thing and I hope your mum has a go at the spoilt selfish cow.
Wishing you all the best in the world. You deserve it . And wear your colourful wig with pride.💐

Please tell me you’re not still organising it.

you’ve done the right thing, what was the reaction?

That's a good update to read @leafhandle - I'm glad you've stood firm against the nonsense. Absolutely the right thing to do. I bet you look fabulous in your pink wigs. All power to you.

Very, VERY best wishes to you. Keep going; the world's a better place because you are alive in it. xx

You have had a kidney removed. She has had her humanity removed somewhere along the line. I'm so sorry op. In all my years on Mumsnet I've never read anything as so totally self absorbed as your sisters attitude. Are your parents still around? Could one of them have a word with her ...or a friend? Obviously don't go but be very clear about why. It's not just that you are exhausted but that your sister says you can't talk about your cancer and you won't know how to respond if concerned people ask you about it. I am not easily shocked about brazen self centred behaviour after many years on Mumsnet but this has shocked me to the core. I hope your treatment is successful and that you have many other people prepared to give you unstinted support when you need it most. 💐K

Hi op. I typed my bit yesterday but forgot to press send so just pressed it now. Glad you've made your decision not to go. I hope you get lots of support from your mother and other family members. 💐

Jesus.
Hopefully she realises how much of a nutter she’s being or someone else points it out.

I hope you have also tactfully
up withdrawn your event planner services. It’s the right thing to do. Imagine if your inconvenient 3rd round of cancer treatment caused a hitch in the all important <grabby gift bonanza> tasteful baby shower?

Christ sake her day in the limelight comes with a myriad of strings for you her seriously ill sister that's had a torrid time of it.
Yes that's a definite get Tae fuck ye bam!!

Glad you are doing what you want to do.

I would caution against getting too entrenched about how often you see her ongoing. Yes she is a PITA now, but if she's usually pretty normal just keep your distance for the moment and hopefully her cray cray will relent