DH resents that I don't drive.

[JustineTim]

I have my license but hardly drive. I hate it. I always have. I get soooo anxious and dread it I can't park for toffee which makes me more anxious as I worry about parking once I get somewhere. I just don't have the spatial awareness. I only drive when I have to eg school run which I don't even need to do anymore as kids catch a bus now. So now I hardly drive.

I was in the car with DH after picking up my little one from holiday club and he just sort of said out of the blue. I wish I was in the back and you were driving. I said okay but will you help me how to park. That's the worst part. He said, no, you've got a license, do it yourself. Then my little one joined in the conservation asking why I didn't drive. I agreed and said I know, mummy doesn't drive and then he piped up with "you proud of that are you?. I was hurt and told him to stop being mean. He then accused me of turning it on him like he was the one doing something wrong.

I left it at that but feel quite hurt by it really. I personally don't ask for lifts from him as I generally don't need to. Everything is quite accessible. Maybe he has a point, maybe I should drive and do all the driving. But I think it hurt more as I do literally everything in the house and work ft and do all the kids stuff too. Things are so much easier now that they are older. It's like he just sees this one thing I don't do but doesn't see all the other ways I contribute.

Haven't RTFT but I could have written your post, OP. I have a licence but have terrible spatial awareness (genuinely wonder if I have dyspraxia), whereas DH is a very good, confident driver, and so over the years I just avoided driving and then became less and less confident. DH isn't nasty to me about it, and I don't ask for lifts too often, but I know he resents it.

I am pregnant now with DC3 and I know that trying to manage school run and all the ferrying around on public transport/scooters etc will be ridiculous, so I have been pushing myself during this pregnancy to get back into it. I'm now able to safely do short journeys with arguing kids in the back, which is what I need for now.

Our current car is an automatic, with parking sensors and a reverse parking camera, and that is honestly a complete game changer - it's so easy to drive.

He doesn't pull his weight OP & so he hasn't a leg to stand on. I would refuse to engage on the issue & then gradually do less & less for him.

I'm sorry but housework and driving aren't exactly comparable. Maybe I just remember too many of the public information ads from when I was growing up but it's actually bloody dangerous. Less dangerous than it used to be, thank god, but still dangerous. It still is a lot of responsibility on the drivers shoulders.

I was stationary at a roundabout and rear ended so hard that my car was crushed into the car in front (handbrake was on and I'd left a good gap). Luckily, it was before we had kids but I spent nights not being able to sleep reliving it and wondering what I could have done and the only thing that 'got hurt' was my car. I then had to sort out the insurance, police, replacement vehicle etc etc etc.

It's not the same burden as dinner.

Driving is a use or loose it skill if you’ve never really embedded it. It limits you to always living somewhere accessible, traveling in accessible places etc. It just makes for a smaller life. And yes it would piss me off. I’ve just taught my 4th kid to drive and that makes 7 people in total. My kids had to do 3000kms to get their licences. It was very helpful but bigger me I’ve had to grit my teeth and clench my butt a lot.

I should add that that isn't to say that he couldn't or shouldn't do more around the house just that it isn't the same thing.

i cant parallel park i done it on my test but for some reason just got worse at it-so i just look round for a bigger space-bay parking im fine with

hes not being very nice about it maybe start cooking less seeing as he thinks thing should be equal

If it bothers him, he has the option of sitting down and talking with you about it. He doesn't have to be contemptuous and make mean remarks.

And men wonder why their wives don't want to sleep with them. Fucking twats.

I can relate. I’ve had my licence for almost 2 decades and used to drive to wherever I needed to go. I wouldn’t say I enjoyed it but I needed to drive and drove.
Fast forward to Covid, 2 babies and WFH thereafter, I haven’t needed to drive. Most things are walking distance. My car was a glorified garden ornament and sold during Covid and I haven’t had one since, (cba with the cost and maintenance either!)
My OH obtained his licence around 7 years ago and he does the driving, and enjoys it. Although I want to be able to get back into it, I do feel anxiety, especially now that I’m heavily pregnant with No3, and the fact that my driving years were before I had kids!
My OH is interestingly training to be a driving instructor.…I think I may hold off until he qualifies and he can teach me!

I do know men who don't drive.

It is strange that you don't know a single man who can't drive and expect their partner too - there are many objective health reasons like visually impaired, some phases of epilepsy, multiple sclerosis, or health conditions of old age.
Maybe they just wouldn't advertise it?
It must be even harder for a man to acknowledge he just shouldn't drive for softer reasons - I know men who were diagnosed with ADHD as adults, long after accepting that they won't be safe drivers even if they would somehow manage to pass the exam once. (I'm not saying every ADHD prevents driving, but from what they told me, their really does)

They just were open about it with their partners from beginning and arranged their lives accordingly, including living in a smaller home in a city with good public transport and not moving rurally without two keen drivers.

Some of them have partners who do drive, so yes, when it comes to a plan which requires driving, they expect their partners to do it (or veto the plan).

I’m sorry but this must be so annoying for your DH not being able to share the driving. You can’t pick him up from places and he always has to go places you need to drive.,

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
This escalated quickly 😳

As well as being lazy around the house, is he always a bullying cunt as he was to you about driving?

What exactly are his positives?

You should do more driving though, to get used to it when for when you leave him.

Ok perhaps you need to take the plunge and get back to driving, just in small steps to begin with, build up some confidence.

But why the nastiness from yr H? What good is that ever going to be? Tell him to put a sock in it!!

I don’t drive, I have type 1 diabetes which wasn’t well controlled when I was younger and now I am older I just don’t have the confidence to do it. I am always worried that I might have low blood sugar and it would be a disaster.

My DH drives and has never commented on it. I walk the kids to school / nursery / activities.I work from home. I do more than my fair of housework and he drives as necessary. That’s a partnership surely.

Your husband sounds like a jerk.

He was tired and grumpy and he made a petty, ungenerous remarks.

Tell him stop being such a grump and say you’ll start driving when he starts cooking.

I was a non driver for 36 years and a reluctant driver since then. If you do want to improve your driving I would suggest start having a few routes you know , rather than free range driving, ones where you know the roads and there will be easy parking (eg big supermarket). Then start slowly extending your destinations.

I would also say 360 cameras are a complete game changer for the unconfident Parker/driver. I like automatics too - less things to worry about (no hill starts, gear changes, stalling).

He's an arsehole.

Take his power away over this particular matter by getting more practice and more lessons on the bits you're wobbly with.

Then when you leave him for being an arsehole, you can tootle off merrily, even if you need to reverse out of somewhere tight to do so. Give him the finger out the window as you go.

Oh come on. Driving is an important skill, which the OP needs to develop. It provides essential independence, especially in the event her relationship breaks down.
Regarding the username, do you appreciate the irony here?

I drive very little myself these days, due to anxiety. I’ve been driving for many years and can drive less now than when I first passed my test. It’s rubbish! My DH is thankfully happy to do all joint driving and even appointments that are purely for me, like hospital appointments. However, it’s completely fine not to want to do all the driving in a couple, but there is a way to encourage and have that conversation. Your DH was not kind here. Perhaps it’s time for a specific sit down discussion between you both of how to move forward.

You need to practice. As the DC get older they'll need taking more places. Start out small and do local places you know, when parking look for 2 spaces next to eachother to make it easier at first then progress to looking for a decent sized single space. Practice parallel parking when there is a big space and you can adjust lots of times to get closer to the edge.
It's like any other skill, some people find it easy and others don't, but practice improves it.
I'm not a naturally good driver, also have bad spacial awareness, but I just take it cautiously and can now quite confidently do any journey and park normally. It just takes practice.

I would be annoyed if Dh and both sons who have driving licences but refused to drive if they didnt had a medical reasons to. If they were nervous I would want them to take extra lessons so to help them overcome issues practise in sae places and I would be happy to assist.
If they were refusing to do anything but a couple of school runs I would consider taking them off the insurance tbh.

Its expensive to learn to drive and get a license so to me it would be a waste of money learning if you are not going to use it.
I dont think dhs attitude is going to help though.

My STBXH never drove. Showed zero interest in learning, despite being offered lessons (by his work!) or having a car to learn to drive in parked on the driveway for a full year. Never even opened the door. I have had 4 C-sections, two major surgeries and a couple of other periods where I couldn’t drive and have had to rely on friends to drive me home from appointments, hospitals, to airports. Thats without driving around all the DC (two of whom has SN and had so many therapy appointments etc etc).

it was just awful. And guess what??? I am not a fan of driving either, but if I don’t do it, no one else will. So I have no choice.

its (a very big) part of the reason why after 20 years of marriage, I said enough is enough. My new DP drives, and I love the fact that he can help out by popping to the shops or picking up DC. (He also cooks and cleans much better than I do.)

if he had a license but still chose not to do it, I wouldn’t have been able to cope!

you are opting out @JustineTim. I don’t care how much you think you overcompensate in other areas. Pull your weight. Practice parking. Get over it. Things will only get worse until you do.

Tell him you’ll drive more when he does more around the house

You need to get over this. Get some extra lessons to build confidence. Practice early mornings at weekends. Just stop being held back by fear. Put this anxiety behind you...just for yourself, never mind DP.

It's not wrong that he wants you to drive, and you obviously can because you passed your test. It's not kind that he won't help you to practice though. It just takes some practice getting used to. I also like to know things like the parking situation when I get somewhere, and while my husband likes to park as close as possible to the door, I like to find a place im happy getting into and out of, even if it means a short walk. It would be nice if he could come along with you while you practice, or do you have someone else who can help you? There are some videos online as well about parking. You can go to a quiet carpark, maybe a school at the weekend or something, and just practice. First where there are no cars, and then as you get more confident you can practice parking near others. You can just practice short drives too, where you don't have to go anywhere just a quick round the block and home again.

I have terrible spatial awareness and not good and left and right. I don’t drive (but live in a city). I have been telling myself that driverless cars are around corner for a long time but actually in a few years they may be…