DH resents that I don't drive.

[JustineTim]

I have my license but hardly drive. I hate it. I always have. I get soooo anxious and dread it I can't park for toffee which makes me more anxious as I worry about parking once I get somewhere. I just don't have the spatial awareness. I only drive when I have to eg school run which I don't even need to do anymore as kids catch a bus now. So now I hardly drive.

I was in the car with DH after picking up my little one from holiday club and he just sort of said out of the blue. I wish I was in the back and you were driving. I said okay but will you help me how to park. That's the worst part. He said, no, you've got a license, do it yourself. Then my little one joined in the conservation asking why I didn't drive. I agreed and said I know, mummy doesn't drive and then he piped up with "you proud of that are you?. I was hurt and told him to stop being mean. He then accused me of turning it on him like he was the one doing something wrong.

I left it at that but feel quite hurt by it really. I personally don't ask for lifts from him as I generally don't need to. Everything is quite accessible. Maybe he has a point, maybe I should drive and do all the driving. But I think it hurt more as I do literally everything in the house and work ft and do all the kids stuff too. Things are so much easier now that they are older. It's like he just sees this one thing I don't do but doesn't see all the other ways I contribute.

Only just read your posts. I've only been driving 6 months, so i can use that as an excuse too but can so relate to the anxiety from childhood issues. I dont drive a lot but make sure i go somewhere every week. Ive started a job that involves a 25 min commute, one day a week, so im forced to drive. I've got reversing sensors on my car, which is so helpful when parking. I hate how people are always in a rush these days but sod them, they can overtake me. We need confidence and to believe is ourselves.

My new thing atm is driving out of town in the dark(its getting dark so early now). I am not used to it but was forced to do it the other night, eek. Again I need to do it regularly otherwise I'll always panic each time.

But I get the impression from OP that it’s due to anxiety and inexperience. You CAN get better at something you suck at you know. Everyone’s got to start somewhere…

Really? I don't drive and my husband definitely does not do all those things. But we have arranged our lives to suit that I guess. (I want to drive but have not managed to pass yet.) Luckily my husband is not as nasty about it as @Gettingbysomehow is to her husband.

I agree. There is a difference between someone who won't drive and someone who would be an unsafe driver.

www.rac.co.uk/drive/advice/driving-advice/scared-of-driving/

I would guarantee that she doesn't do 'everything', there's more to running a house that most women reckon on, anything outside the 4 walls is conveniently disregarded.

No, sorry, sometimes you can't. Sometimes people cannot just get over anxiety, and sometimes people cannot develop the spatial awareness and confidence they need to be a safe driver. If you don't think so let's just agree to disagree.

This post sums it up.

Thanks, random man. Yep, never met a woman who took the kids to school or did the shopping. But maybe the school and the shops are in your house.

I am a CBT therapist. I wouldn’t shame someone into driving, but if you’ve passed your test, there was clearly a willingness in the first place to drive. There appears a reluctance to drive now due to anxiety that could be overcome. Graded exposure.

Yes, she has passed her test, so it's not like she hasn't tried. I don't think you being a CBT therapist means you know everything about this to be honest. Anxiety cannot always be overcome. Makes me wonder how long you've been doing your job.

Wonderful comment.

I never said I knew everything about it, so that’s clearly an assumption you’ve made. Me being a CBT therapist however does put me in a position where I can recognise anxiety and support with it however. As I do every single day with many other clients in my practice. Please don’t insult me and my experience, thank you.

To be clear, I don’t think I am better than the OP or you for that matter. I trained in this to help people.

Yes. 🙁

Would extra lessons help? I took some though I had a driving license, but hadn’t driven for a number of years.

Also, I find driving an automatic car much easier; I don’t know if you drive one? I also had to take the extra lessons because I wasn’t used to driving an automatic, and needed some confidence on motorways. I remember my driving instructor was very supportive, encouraging me to be confident, take up space, for those final lessons.

If none of this is relevant to your issues, or isn’t helpful, pls ignore.

It is a confidence issue OP. I used to dread driving when I was younger. The more I drove the more confident I became. Don't give up. Just a thought is your car very big? You may prefer a smaller car. Easier to manoeuvre and easy to park!

Take driving lessons every week for a year. Expensive but it will be worth it. They will teach you to drive, park, and become more confident in yourself. You just need a calm person to teach you on a regular basis over a long period of time so you can learn in all traffic conditions. It will give you freedom. Even if it doesn't work, you will always be able to say I really, truly tried.

I think the compromise is: you gain confidence driving and he does more of the cooking.

My mum didn't drive (but had a licence): when my dad left her she HAD to do it.

My ex was an absolute bastard to me about not being able to drive. Constant nagging and complaining about how he always had to take on the 'burden' of driving. I finally got my license in my early 30s. After that, he'd either never let me drive because I wasn't 'good enough', or he'd back seat drive so horribly that I'd end up a nervous wreck at the end of every journey.

Now I live without him and without a car and I'm very happy.

Can’t drive or won’t drive. There’s a difference. I’d be pissed off if I had to be des driver all the time. Yes he should have used his words a bit better but maybe it’s got to him today.

I can understand your anxiety, especially when you went into detail in subsequent posts. I would recommend a "refresher course" or whatever they are to get some practice driving and then just exposure therapy. You need to desensitise.

Start with just driving round the block once a day and increase to more challenging drives. The more experience you have the less uncertain it will all feel and the more confident you will feel.

I'm wasn't the most confident driver but after years of driving I have no issues now.

Also your husband needs to do more round the house.

Given that you passed your test, I agree that it's probably worth conquering this one. Confidence does come with practice. I learned late (40), and wasn't confident for quite a while after my test. The chap who had been giving me lifts to my hobby was really helpful - we swapped to me giving him lifts, and he was a really supportive passenger while I gained confidence. My DH prefers to drive, but I insisted on sharing some of the long journeys so I built up confidence with those. I will confess that I still dread parking in tight spots, and will choose to park further from my destination to avoid difficult parking.

If your DH can't be a supportive passenger, see if you can find a friend who can be. And if you give it a go, tell DH that any complaints, criticisms or comments from him will result in you stopping again.

While I'm all for not needing to drive (which is why it took me so long to decide to learn), there may come a time when it is useful in the future.

@JustineTim only you know if you are really capable of being a good, safe driver and overcoming your fear. Can you afford to pay for some lessons to find out if you could improve at parking? Or do you genuinely feel that you are not safe enough to drive?

I lack spacial awareness but I was driving anyway. I had several minor accidents over the course of a few years but during my last crash (which was my fault) I wrote off two cars and received a police caution. It was pure luck that I didn’t injure anyone. My DH and I have agreed that I will never drive again, not even in an emergency situation. Some people can’t drive safely and I’m definitely one of them.

Maybe you could have some more lessons when you feel less anxious and you are ready.

However, your arsehole husband. Sorry.Misogynist and perfect in every way, sounds as though he rules the roost.

Get an account with Uber for taxis and pay it out of your household money.under servant related travel costs.

@Calliopespa & @Amauve I think many on this thread disagree with you. It sounds as though the majority feel that OP could benefit from more practice to gain confidence. Driving confidence doesn’t come from simply passing your test, it comes from the experience thereafter.

Buy an automatic car with parking assist and 360/ Birds Eye cameras and some kind of driving assist. Honestly the newer modern cars practically drive themselves at this stage.

Start/ keep driving. It’s the only way to gain confidence.

I could not cope with a partner who doesn’t drive (bar not being able to drive due to some kind of disability).