Horrible text from ex

[Calendulaaria]

Today I wrote a quick text to my ex-husband (we have two children) just saying "Hey, what date will be you putting through the cs this month?" cs meaning child support.

I received this reply:

"The only reason you have this number is for emergencies for the kids. That's the only reason you can reach me right now. I'm not your friend. I'm not someone you can complain to. I'm a stranger. You don't know me and I don't want to know you.

If you have a problem you take it up with the appropriate place. the only reason I should have a message from you is if one of the kids is in hospital.

If I'm doing something you don't like go make a friend and talk to them about it."

Bit of background. I have not had any contact with him since September, when we were organising drop offs for the holidays. There's been no conflict. I have an active social life and don't understand the 'make a friend' part.

We have been divorced for many years. We broke up due to not being compatible. We argued a lot and he was 10 years younger than me and wanted different things in the end. When we broke up, he made life fairly difficult I guess, i.e. not having the kids, so I found it difficult to work full time, as he wouldn't help with care in the holidays etc. Say he would have them for the night work I found once a week, then back out that day, leaving me with no care. I have never had family to look after the kids, so it was just him and me. He was nasty in the early days, broke the front door in and called the small amount of child support he paid 'my wage he paid me to look after the children'. Because I have had the children for the past 11 years nearly full time, he has had time to build a successful career. I pay for (and always have) everything for the children, all clothes, school fees, out of school activities, musical instruments, daughter's first car and insurance etc etc.

The last 6-7 years there's been only contact about pick ups and drop offs. I've been friendly towards his new partner and always said hello and goodbye at drops offs.

Then I get this text today. It's so over the top. I'm feeling a bit alone and thought someone might relate or have a story to share.

Surely if the non resident parent pays what they should do for their kids then there’s no issue?

Should've just replied "cool story bro. When are you sending my money?" 😂

I’d just reply thanks for the reminder of why you’re no longer in my life, it’s good to be reminded now and then how low I sunk when I got with you. Thank hid outcomes have more of me in them. Add an emoji with rolling eyes for good measure

He said it’s OP’s wages for looking after his children. If my wages were paid late, I’d certainly be chasing the matter.

I wouldn't answer at all, because if he ever had to pick up his phone in the future to text me a question about the children or about contact or whatever, I'd want him to have to confront that awful, shitty text he'd sent first, and figure out how to get over that hurdle.

He's withdrawn his consent for you to contact him about anything other than if the kids are in hospital. Give him exactly what he's asked for.

Just ignore him and give a thumbs up to the text. Then delete it. Idiot

Seeing as you have his number, you could sign him up for a few (or lots of) marketing texts..

What a bad tempered, nasty little man. He’ll probably end up ruining his relationship with the new partner, too. I bet you’re very happy to have got rid of him!

I’d’ve replied “fuck off cunt” but appreciate that’s probably not ideal.

What a monumental prick he is!

Nothing wrong with your message. If you want to respond I would just put 👍🏻 emoji. He’s spoiling for a fight, don’t give it to him.

“Must have been someone else’s sperm that fertilised my eggs”🥚

I would agree with this.

No further texts regarding anything other than the kids being in hospital. No replies to anything he sends (and YY to him having to see the bile he sent before he sends you anything else). Whether you respond to him chasing up why you havent replied to him asking to swap a weekend (say), is up to you.

I would personally reply to him demanding to know why you are not answering him with "Without Predjudice (not sure it actually counts in texts but its a good starter!). I am complying with your instructions in your text of X date informing me that I am no longer allowed to contact you on this number unless to inform you that one of the children is horrible. I will continue to comply."

😅😅Obviously that should be "in hospital" no idea why that changed but could be apt sometimes I guess!

Men have taken their own lives over being made to pay for their own children?

My ex threatened it if I went to CSA (as it was). First call I made.

Bastard didnt mean it.

Just copy and paste your first message in its entirety and send it again, seeing as he didn’t actually answer.

His response is very over the top and if I had read that without any background info I would assume you were harassing him.

I suspect he isn't in a good place and he begrudges paying child maintenance so by asking for it you've poked the bear.

Tbh unless he is late frequently or changes the date he pays it i dont see there is a reason to ask when hes paying it. If he is late just call CMS and let them sort it.

In terms of responding, id either not reply and by that I mean never reply about anything, ever
Unless its an emergency or... you could just send the same text again and then never reply to a single message you get off him.

Exactly! I don't dye my hair, get my nails done or go on holidays....it's money for the kids.

I'd want to put:
"OK. See you next Tuesday!"

I love this, thank you!

Ha ha, yeah he's great 😂

Just a subtle 4 letter word for him but written as though you're being reasonable but you'll both know what you mean by that message.

Made me laugh, thank you! The ridiculousness of the stranger part!

My last message to him was in the school holidays talking about pick up and drop off of our son. This came to of nowhere. Otherwise I wouldn't have posted on here for support.

‘I’ll go through collect and pay then, you absolute whopper’