Horrible text from ex

[Calendulaaria]

Today I wrote a quick text to my ex-husband (we have two children) just saying "Hey, what date will be you putting through the cs this month?" cs meaning child support.

I received this reply:

"The only reason you have this number is for emergencies for the kids. That's the only reason you can reach me right now. I'm not your friend. I'm not someone you can complain to. I'm a stranger. You don't know me and I don't want to know you.

If you have a problem you take it up with the appropriate place. the only reason I should have a message from you is if one of the kids is in hospital.

If I'm doing something you don't like go make a friend and talk to them about it."

Bit of background. I have not had any contact with him since September, when we were organising drop offs for the holidays. There's been no conflict. I have an active social life and don't understand the 'make a friend' part.

We have been divorced for many years. We broke up due to not being compatible. We argued a lot and he was 10 years younger than me and wanted different things in the end. When we broke up, he made life fairly difficult I guess, i.e. not having the kids, so I found it difficult to work full time, as he wouldn't help with care in the holidays etc. Say he would have them for the night work I found once a week, then back out that day, leaving me with no care. I have never had family to look after the kids, so it was just him and me. He was nasty in the early days, broke the front door in and called the small amount of child support he paid 'my wage he paid me to look after the children'. Because I have had the children for the past 11 years nearly full time, he has had time to build a successful career. I pay for (and always have) everything for the children, all clothes, school fees, out of school activities, musical instruments, daughter's first car and insurance etc etc.

The last 6-7 years there's been only contact about pick ups and drop offs. I've been friendly towards his new partner and always said hello and goodbye at drops offs.

Then I get this text today. It's so over the top. I'm feeling a bit alone and thought someone might relate or have a story to share.

When my ex broke up with his girlfriend he turned briefly mean to me. These men just can’t compartmentalise their emotions

That's a brilliant message. I'd go with that, honestly.

But yes, probably best to go through CMS in future.

And be happy that you're rid of this horrible manbaby.

If having issues the advice has always been contact CS, you wanted to text him and he wants no contact with you, surely you expected that!

I’d reply

Are you quite ok?

Child support due at beginning of month hasn’t been received. Please send it over and send future payments by x date.

He sounds completely loathsome. What a way to talk to the mother of his children when you asked a simple question! It does read like he was just trying to make as cutting a message as possible, but he couldn't think up anything that made sense for you specifically, hence the comment about making a friend.

He's a pathetic little man who's taking out his own problems on you because you've already left him and he thinks he has nothing to lose.

I love the reply "to long, didn't read. When are you sending the CS money".
Perfect.

This reply is great in my opinion.

I’d have replied “a specific date would have sufficed 🙄”

Or just ignored.

I can relate though, I still get arsey texts from my ex and we haven’t been together for donkey’s years and the kids are adult. Luckily I only have to text once a year or two, but once a wanker always a wanker.

Sorry you have to deal with an arse like this too. Every time I think there can be some normalcy, I'm reminded that for him it's not possible!

Tell him that no CS arriving in your account and your kids needing to be able to eat is somewhat of an emergency. What an arsehole.

Because we are in 3rd week of the month?

I'm sorry you had to deal with that from your ex.

I hope he hasn't broken up with his current partner, it was good to have the (negative) spotlight off me and she was nice to my children.

What a hateful piece of work he is.

Does he hate his kids?

Because that's who the money is for!

once a wanker always a wanker - you couldn't be more right!

If you ever needed validation that you did the right thing divorcing this man, this is it in a nutshell.
Just lick your wounds, realise that he's been a prize tosser and rise above it. Sounds like you've done an amazing job on your own, kudos.

I would reply saying “stop being so dramatic. When will you be putting the cs payment in this month?”

I wouldn’t not reply because he doesn’t get to tell you what to do but I wouldn’t be too petty/argumentative.

You need to know when the money is coming in.

He either has a set day to pay it or it’s only reasonable that you ask him when he’s going to pay it if he’s later than normal.

Could he be having money troubles OP and taking it out on you? What a nasty piece of work.

Our children are so lovely and he's got zero appreciation for the effort that's been put in. Even if he hates me, why not just be civil? I don't get it but I love the word loathsome! Perfect description.

Tbh I’d simply reply “ok noted that you’d prefer me to take up the late payment with the CSA than come to you directly. No need to reply.”

or “you are late with the child support and want to buy shoes for your kids. Also don’t flatter yourself - I’m a bit fussier about who I have in my friendship circle - it’s why I got rid of you. Don’t worry I’ll forward it to the CSA and don’t contact me unless the children are unwell or need me when they are in your care. Do not reply to this message. This number is for emergency contact only” (but that’s reactive and childish so ignore it 🤣🤣)

It does sound like an email he’s written to appease a partner who he may have cheated on..

I’d put my money on this.

it is kind of funny and pompous 😂

Then in that case, you’re totally not in the wrong!

What an absolute idiot he is. I would reply “when is the money coming through for your children?”

My ex has always answered messages in exactly the same way. Wouldn't answer perfectly reasonable questions, zero empathy or proper engagement. He's like a politician, avoiding anything that can't be answered without any acceptance of blame. Then I'm blamed for being annoyed. He won't speak to me at all now because I always cause an argument :/. There's no solution to it I'm afraid.

Ignore him, when someone’s a nasty prick like that it’s always about them not you.

In your shoes, I wouldn’t reply and would get CMS to collect your child support going forward. If he asks why, just point to this text and say you made it clear you didn’t want to discuss it with me but I need regular payments for our children.

Sorry he’s so horrible 💐

"I'd say not paying for your children counts as an emergency, but not to worry, I'll take your advice and make a new friend at child support - and talk to them about your reluctance to pay"