Horrible text from ex

[Calendulaaria]

Today I wrote a quick text to my ex-husband (we have two children) just saying "Hey, what date will be you putting through the cs this month?" cs meaning child support.

I received this reply:

"The only reason you have this number is for emergencies for the kids. That's the only reason you can reach me right now. I'm not your friend. I'm not someone you can complain to. I'm a stranger. You don't know me and I don't want to know you.

If you have a problem you take it up with the appropriate place. the only reason I should have a message from you is if one of the kids is in hospital.

If I'm doing something you don't like go make a friend and talk to them about it."

Bit of background. I have not had any contact with him since September, when we were organising drop offs for the holidays. There's been no conflict. I have an active social life and don't understand the 'make a friend' part.

We have been divorced for many years. We broke up due to not being compatible. We argued a lot and he was 10 years younger than me and wanted different things in the end. When we broke up, he made life fairly difficult I guess, i.e. not having the kids, so I found it difficult to work full time, as he wouldn't help with care in the holidays etc. Say he would have them for the night work I found once a week, then back out that day, leaving me with no care. I have never had family to look after the kids, so it was just him and me. He was nasty in the early days, broke the front door in and called the small amount of child support he paid 'my wage he paid me to look after the children'. Because I have had the children for the past 11 years nearly full time, he has had time to build a successful career. I pay for (and always have) everything for the children, all clothes, school fees, out of school activities, musical instruments, daughter's first car and insurance etc etc.

The last 6-7 years there's been only contact about pick ups and drop offs. I've been friendly towards his new partner and always said hello and goodbye at drops offs.

Then I get this text today. It's so over the top. I'm feeling a bit alone and thought someone might relate or have a story to share.

I’m really sorry you’re having to deal with another child you didn’t ask for, and I bet he’s by far the worst of the bunch. Sounds like there’s something else at play, maybe input from the new partner, maybe he’s impotent these days - who knows? I’d personally give it a month and sign up his number for every bit of spam you can think of and then maybe get yourself a wee treat (not implying from the cs money) to heal the small wound his pr*ckishness has temporarily inflicted. Adjust your crown, Queen. 👑

He uses insulting you as his dopamine hit. He’s obviously had something to wrong (debt, argument with current GF, hangover) and it makes him feel better about himself when he sends these kinds of messages.

if he has missed October, raise it with the CSA.

don’t messsge him again as he will just treat you in the same way

So sorry about this ,
sometimes we all wish we had never met a human like this but unfortunately quite a few of them .
if u don't meet to text him just leave him alone .
better for your mental health to be honest

Your ex is an arsehole and rude with it. There was no need for that response and it was only sent to hurt and put you down. Tell him to go fuck himself and get a grip, you don’t take instructions from the likes of him anymore.

I'd reply:

"Lol ok. But seriously, when is CMS coming through? I need to use it to half some dental costs for the DC"

Does it sound like him? Is it possible his partner saw the message first on his phone and replied?

Why did you message to ask?

My husbands ex does this. She knows when we get paid and we have NEVER failed to pay her, yet every month there’s a message asking where here money is…… and sometimes we have already paid her.

so annoying!!

” In a way he’s right “ 🙄..
Whose kind of a world is it ok to speak to the mother of your children like that ????, the woman who has basically been there always loving & supporting HIS children when his sorry ass failed to do so …
It was a text & he’s an asshole …

If you had bothered to read at least all the OP’s messages before posting yourself, you would have seen that her ex usually pays in the first week of the month, and now we are heading towards the month end, without his having paid. He owes his children this money and for all we know, the OP might not be eating in order to feed her children, because their father has not paid the money due to pay for his own children’s subsistence.

I think the only valid reply to that text is a thumbs up emoji 👍🤔

I would favour the TL:DR route. As short as possible:

TL:DR. Just the date pls.

@Calendulaaria I agree with his response. If a decision has been made to the end of the relationship, then you cannot expect him to communicate with you; especially when the text message reduces him to being a pay cheque.

His only legal obligation is to provide child support. Presumably, he's not legally obliged to contact you about it, or provide an advance notification of when it will be paid. So why are you expecting that?

I read the original post. There’s 13 pages of comments 🙄🤦🏻‍♀️

not sure why you’re so rude 🤷‍♀️

Screenshot his text. Put it in your divorce records.

In the bottom of the OPs posts are the options to "see next" or "see all". Click on see all and its all there.

She isnt, he HASNT paid it this month and that is the OP's point.

She was simply asking, given it was almost three weeks after he would normally have paid it, when he would be sending it over.

Similar here -Ive had over ten years of vile messages - personal insults, snide comments .... the list goes on. Messing me around with dates / times thats impacted on my work and unsettled our child. He ceased child maintenance without notice, then paid nothing for a year, then offered £7 per week (the CMS minimum amount) which is what he now pays as I cannot make him pay any more without going to court. So I feel your pain. But believe me it can get worse. So try and forget his message, limit contact and exposure to him because exposure to him is not good for your wellbeing and you need to keep yourself well for your kids. Stay strong :)

Thanks for that information. I didn’t know.

still no need for your original nasty comments though 🤦🏻‍♀️

I didnt make a nasty comment but you;re welcome.

@PyongyangKipperbang She was simply asking, given it was almost three weeks after he would normally have paid it, when he would be sending it over.

She's not "simply asking." Her ex has not given her consent to ask that question.

As I said, his only legal obligation is to pay the money. He does not have to provide information regarding the payments to OP.

This could be my ex. He told me when my youngest was 13 that kids were now adults and I should never contact him. So when he stopped paying, I did as he asked and went via CMS which ended up costing him more. The agreement we had, but he couldn’t uphold, was less than they deemed he should pay. Having demanded never to contact him, he was then furious and called me greedy when I did what he asked. You can’t win or get a reasonable response from people like this so best to ignore them.

But....sigh....he HASNT fulfilled that obligation. What are you suggesting the OP do, just write it off with an "oh well"?!

What an a-hole. So immature! How old is this man? 14?

Well done for ignoring it. Best thing to do. Though some of the PP suggested replies are tempting. I always doubled-down on being extra nice when I got arsey messages from my ex, e.g. “OK, have a relaxing evening”. It used to irritate the shit out of him.

It’s a shame he won’t be on good (or at least civil) terms for the sake of your kids. He clearly isn’t putting them first. It’s always so much easier if your parents get on. So disrespectful to you and the kids calling you a stranger when you’re the mother of his children. Would he say that in front of them?

Thank heavens you split from the guy. Imagine being in a relationship with someone who’s capable of such childish and nasty messages.

But he hasn’t provided the money, and therefore hasn’t fulfilled his legal obligation.
No one needs consent to ask a question. She is entitled to ask it, he can then choose whether to answer or not.

Recover the money by legal means. She does not have consent to communicate with him.