Horrible text from ex

[Calendulaaria]

Today I wrote a quick text to my ex-husband (we have two children) just saying "Hey, what date will be you putting through the cs this month?" cs meaning child support.

I received this reply:

"The only reason you have this number is for emergencies for the kids. That's the only reason you can reach me right now. I'm not your friend. I'm not someone you can complain to. I'm a stranger. You don't know me and I don't want to know you.

If you have a problem you take it up with the appropriate place. the only reason I should have a message from you is if one of the kids is in hospital.

If I'm doing something you don't like go make a friend and talk to them about it."

Bit of background. I have not had any contact with him since September, when we were organising drop offs for the holidays. There's been no conflict. I have an active social life and don't understand the 'make a friend' part.

We have been divorced for many years. We broke up due to not being compatible. We argued a lot and he was 10 years younger than me and wanted different things in the end. When we broke up, he made life fairly difficult I guess, i.e. not having the kids, so I found it difficult to work full time, as he wouldn't help with care in the holidays etc. Say he would have them for the night work I found once a week, then back out that day, leaving me with no care. I have never had family to look after the kids, so it was just him and me. He was nasty in the early days, broke the front door in and called the small amount of child support he paid 'my wage he paid me to look after the children'. Because I have had the children for the past 11 years nearly full time, he has had time to build a successful career. I pay for (and always have) everything for the children, all clothes, school fees, out of school activities, musical instruments, daughter's first car and insurance etc etc.

The last 6-7 years there's been only contact about pick ups and drop offs. I've been friendly towards his new partner and always said hello and goodbye at drops offs.

Then I get this text today. It's so over the top. I'm feeling a bit alone and thought someone might relate or have a story to share.

Oooooh he’s hurting about something 😂 hahahahaha sounds like he deserves it! Honestly just take pleasure in the fact that he’s obviously either struggling for money or been dumped - karma muthafucka!!! Haha I’m chuffed for you.

Yes, they see him and I've never bad mouthed him or stopped them seeing him. My daughter doesn't go as much as much son because he favours my son.

Yes, thank goodness. Only 4 years to go.

He's always resented it. He used to call CS 'my wage' from him and said he was my boss.

To the point you’d respond the way he has? Mad.

That’s an understatement 🤣

Exactly. That's why I was checking in with him, to make sure it didn't roll over into the next month, so he thinks he's only paying for November because he would be paying October in November. With his poor me attitude, I wouldn't put it past him!

Ha ha good idea! I have no idea how he's having a relationship with the way he behaves. Amazing what women will put up with I guess!

HA HA love this one 😂

Huge thank you to everyone who posted. It's made all the difference and I'm actually laughing now. Feeling strong and haven't replied to him. I won't be replying at all and will just go through the offical channels. I used to take his bait and he would then be able to unload all this anger and crap onto me. Not anymore. He's always made things difficult and I can't expect that to change 🙄I'm very grateful for all the funny and supportive comments ❤

Assume your kids go onto college, he will have to pay until then, so up to 20, 6 years I’m afraid (not the money, but the fact you will still have to deal with him for it!)

I think legally speaking the fuckers’ responsibility ends at 18. Morally is a different matter but their children will judge accordingly!

Yes, legally it is 18 and I'm hoping he will contribute to college for my daughter. I am not counting on it though! We have always mucked through ourselves and she is a hard worker who will get a job, but I'd love for her if he pulls his head out of his arse and helps.

As far as CS goes, no they dont.

And it has to be said that its in the childs best interest to apply for student finance on Mum's income if "daddy" has been a CS dodger.

Firstly if DC apply on Mums income when it is lower than dads (almost always) then they will get a higher level of loan. Secondly, if they apply on dads income when he didnt step up until forced to when DC was a kid,he wont send the "expected parental contribution". Basically he would cheerfully see his ex pay or his own kid go hungry.

Mum will always send money or shopping or support. And they know that.

Their arrangement IS through CMS, but OP thinks she is entitled to harass him directly rather than obtaining the info she needs through the appropriate available channel provided by CMS for this very purpose.

Heehee that’s brilliant, I love your user name for comments that sound like DiaryofaLorryDriver!

20 if in college or similar

Wow he sounds absolutely horrible, simple question you asked didn't need his response.

No he isn't. Polite communication is an absolutely minimum expectation of someone you have a child with.

I wouldn't dream of communicating with my daughter's dad like this, and would be disgusted if he spoke to me like this.

She isn't harassing him, though. A polite message doth not harassment make.

Do your honestly think co-parents contacting each other counts as harassment?

Don't know what that makes me then, I am spending Christmas with mine. I must be some form of monster!

Coparents should put their own hurt feelings aside to do what is best for the kids they chose to bring into the world. It is ALWAYS best for the kids to have parents who speak to each other with dignity and respect.

Took them about three weeks for me. And one of us wasn’t being very cooperative.

If by “they treat non resident parents like scum” you really mean to say

”they will not be fobbed off with lame excuses or intimidated by nasty threats in their efforts to make sure NRPs make a fair contribution to their children’s upkeep”

then yes I agree with you

She’s not harassing him 🙄, what hyperbole. She’s asking her co parent where the money is that he owes her to pay for the upkeep of their shared children.

I thought he might get a bit nicer once he was happy with his new partner, but no! This message was next level and so dramatic.

People only have to use them when the other parent refuses to pay for their own kid.
This is a prime example.

No one cares about a man taking his own life who refused to pay for his own child and who would not care if the child starved to death.

Imagine a mother not feeding her child and letting it starve - they would be sent to jail and rightly so.

But you want sympathy for men who would allow the same?

Why don’t they just pay for the kids that they created?