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Original poster

Retired mums doing their fully grown adult kids washing for them - is this common?

204 replies

LittlePrecious · 21/10/2025 13:13

I know four retired women who do their daughter's washing as a regular arrangement. I mean, not as a one-off because of some emergency.

Their daughters are all fully grown, functional adult women with no medical or mobility issues.

I was chatting with DP about it, and it turns out MIL also does this for DP's sister.

Is this 'a thing'? Is it actually quite common?

OP posts:
IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 21/10/2025 13:23

Interestingly I have 2 friends who's mums do this, Friend 1's mum does it weekly, friend has never asked (and is ridiculously independent!) but her mum insists, she likes to be useful, friend has given up arguing and they don't talk about the Ralph Lauren jumper situation anymore and lets her crack on

Friend 2 is similarly independent and her mum does it, she thinks because she looks after her sisters kids so wants it to be "fair" (even though friend gives no shits about that!) so also has given up arguing and drops it off weekly...I joked once infront of her mum that I wish my mum would do mine and had to fight her off with a tub of vanish to not do it 😁

IvedoneitagainhaventI · 21/10/2025 13:25

I admit to washing my adult son's bedding for him. He lives in a smallish one bedroom flat with no outside drying facilities and no tumble dryer and because he does sport or gym multiple times a week he always has washing hanging around the flat. He doesn't really have space for wet bedding as well.

I wonder if some of these other mothers are helping out because of practical difficulties that their adult children have with the mechanics of getting the washing done?

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 21/10/2025 13:25

Tbh, if my mum didn't live in an entirely different country I can totally see her wanting to do it. She was a career woman until she was 60 then retired (thankfully!) and I think likes to keep busy.

Edit to say, my dad would also totally do it! He is enjoying doing fuck all in retirement though so may not jump to it as quick as mum 😉

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Families
Dearg · 21/10/2025 13:36

My mum did this for my sister from time to time, when the dc were little. She also regularly hand washed any woollens as my sister claims to be useless in that area. ( seems to manage now mum is no longer alive)

I lived in a different country, and have no dc, so did not get that benefit.

MIL was in the habit of going to BILs flat every Saturday morning to ‘pick up washing’, but I am fairly certain she was checking up on whether someone had stayed over. That was just too weird .

Catpiece · 21/10/2025 13:37

I always ask my son and his gf if they want me to take any washing home with me to do. They’ve got a small baby. I don’t mind in the least. Love doing what I can for them.

Zov · 21/10/2025 13:39

You haven't said if these adult 'children' are living with their mum/parents or not @LittlePrecious If they are then there is nothing odd about it. If they have moved out and mummy is doing their washing, then of course that's weird. Unless there are any health/medical reasons that the adult children can't do it themselves.

Original poster
LittlePrecious · 21/10/2025 13:41

Zov · 21/10/2025 13:39

You haven't said if these adult 'children' are living with their mum/parents or not @LittlePrecious If they are then there is nothing odd about it. If they have moved out and mummy is doing their washing, then of course that's weird. Unless there are any health/medical reasons that the adult children can't do it themselves.

Yes, they've moved out. They don't live with their mums.

OP posts:
GameOfJones · 21/10/2025 13:45

I would find it beyond weird if my mum wanted to do my washing for me. She helps me in many ways but handing her a bag of dirty laundry to deal with just seems so odd. But she taught me how to do my own laundry from about the age of 12 so I haven't needed her to do my washing for me since I was in secondary school!

FamousSideeye · 21/10/2025 13:47

My kids sometimes bring their washing when then pop over. I’ve a big load washing machine and a dryer and plenty of space to dry things while they have smaller combined washer/dryers.
Is that a problem 🤷🏻‍♀️

Mannersareeverything · 21/10/2025 13:49

Perhaps it some people's love language? Trying to understand.....
But surely a grown adult can manage their own washing?
MIL did it for her daughter but not my husband & I so I may be a bit salty.

Denim4ever · 21/10/2025 13:49

For me it would only factor in if they lived at home. This would be mainly because we tend to have specific jobs/chores and laundry is one of mine. So they'd be pulling their weight in other areas.

I'm not retired, DC has occasionally bought items to wash home when visiting from uni at the weekend. I'd probably object if it was every time, but don't mind occasionally.

saraclara · 21/10/2025 13:50

My father in law always wanted to do my ironing when they visited! Distance meant that they'd come down for two or three days, and I think he needed something to keep him busy. And he liked ironing! If they'd lived locally I bet he'd have volunteered to do it regularly.

I'm not an enthusiastic domestic goddess at all, but on the occasions when I've done my adult kids washing for some good reason (broken washing machine/tumble dryer etc) I've enjoyed it in a weird way. I live alone and like to be useful or needed, and it felt like they were 'my children' again.

Denim4ever · 21/10/2025 13:51

saraclara · 21/10/2025 13:50

My father in law always wanted to do my ironing when they visited! Distance meant that they'd come down for two or three days, and I think he needed something to keep him busy. And he liked ironing! If they'd lived locally I bet he'd have volunteered to do it regularly.

I'm not an enthusiastic domestic goddess at all, but on the occasions when I've done my adult kids washing for some good reason (broken washing machine/tumble dryer etc) I've enjoyed it in a weird way. I live alone and like to be useful or needed, and it felt like they were 'my children' again.

Edited

My Dad loved ironing. Me not so much 🤣

Zippidydoodah · 21/10/2025 13:52

Both my mum and my mil have done a few loads as a one-off for us (but on a couple of occasions, so a two-off?!) to help us out when it’s all got too much. We have four kids. I will absolutely help my own children out like this if/when they need it.

Coffeeishot · 21/10/2025 13:52

My sister stays at my parents sometimes because of her shift pattern. Mum washes and irons her clothes me she would let go around in filthy rags rather than stick a wash on 😀 also my dds neighbours mum does her cleaning for her, so i guess some will do stuff for their adult kids.

HelpMeUnpickThis · 21/10/2025 13:53

IvedoneitagainhaventI · 21/10/2025 13:25

I admit to washing my adult son's bedding for him. He lives in a smallish one bedroom flat with no outside drying facilities and no tumble dryer and because he does sport or gym multiple times a week he always has washing hanging around the flat. He doesn't really have space for wet bedding as well.

I wonder if some of these other mothers are helping out because of practical difficulties that their adult children have with the mechanics of getting the washing done?

@IvedoneitagainhaventI

So I have lived in a houseshare with no dryer and no space to dry wet washing in the individual rooms, especially in winter. We all took our washing to the laundrette and dried it there.

It was a mild pain to have to wheel our washing down (15 min walk), find coins etc, and then wheel it back but I saw it as adulting.

The only reason I am asking is that while I think you are doing a nice thing for your son, why are you not letting him come up with a solution for himself? I fear this is a duty that will be passed to any future gf/DIL.

I am not attacking you. I just think someone old enough to rent a flat and live alone should be able to manage their own laundry.

Wbeezer · 21/10/2025 13:53

My MIL used to come round and do my ironing for me, it was helpful but I think it was really an excuse to visit, she always brought treats for the kids. It made me tidy the house before her visits, which was sometimes a pain!

ExplodingCarrots · 21/10/2025 13:57

My neighbour does her 40 year old son’s washing . She has only just retired but been doing his washing for years even when working full time . He turns up every Sunday with his basket of washing …even on Mother’s Day. One year he brought the washing in first and then went back to the car for the flowers 😂 . Son lives alone in a nice house btw , no reason why he can’t do his own washing .

GardenGaff · 21/10/2025 14:00

DS beings home washing occasionally, he never asks me to do it, but he lives in a studio flat with communal laundry in the basement and the machines are grim. If he’s popping home I always tell him to bring any hoodies and bedding if they need washing and drying as they take ages to dry hanging around his flat on maidens and sometimes smell a bit fusty. He can have them washed and dried in the few hours he’s here.

1apenny2apenny · 21/10/2025 14:02

No one would presumably bat an eyelid if these children had a housekeeper or cleaner who did their washing. Not sure I see the difference. If I want to support and help my children by doing their washing it’s up to me, it isn’t infantilising them. It’s supporting them. Why are people so judgy?’

Unknown25 · 21/10/2025 14:02

My friends mum does all her family’s washing. She has two primary aged kids borne parents work full so her mum comes and does all her washing, drying and ironing. My friend doesn’t even have a washing machine in her house!!!

Bluebottlerecycling · 21/10/2025 14:04

My MIL was very keen to do this for us when we were first married. I politely and very firmly declined.

I’m pretty sure if my sister lived closer my Mum would be doing this for her family.

It’s not something that I would want but there are benefits on both sides, your adult child gets help with a time consuming chore and you guarantee contact/visiting time with them every week.

Coffeeishot · 21/10/2025 14:05

GameOfJones · 21/10/2025 13:45

I would find it beyond weird if my mum wanted to do my washing for me. She helps me in many ways but handing her a bag of dirty laundry to deal with just seems so odd. But she taught me how to do my own laundry from about the age of 12 so I haven't needed her to do my washing for me since I was in secondary school!

I don't think i would want to do my adult d cwashing for them. Unless it was an emergency and they were ill or in hospital, we help them in other ways

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 21/10/2025 14:06

HelpMeUnpickThis · 21/10/2025 13:53

@IvedoneitagainhaventI

So I have lived in a houseshare with no dryer and no space to dry wet washing in the individual rooms, especially in winter. We all took our washing to the laundrette and dried it there.

It was a mild pain to have to wheel our washing down (15 min walk), find coins etc, and then wheel it back but I saw it as adulting.

The only reason I am asking is that while I think you are doing a nice thing for your son, why are you not letting him come up with a solution for himself? I fear this is a duty that will be passed to any future gf/DIL.

I am not attacking you. I just think someone old enough to rent a flat and live alone should be able to manage their own laundry.

Edited
Show quote history

How utterly weird. That poster is doing something nice for her son, she's not infantilising him, no where does it say he is not capable of managing his own laundry just space wise, this one thing is a bit tricky so she helps him with it whilst he does the rest himself and no where does it say if she couldn't do it he wouldn't find a solution.

And how pathetic to suggest it will be a duty passed to a future GF, why assume the posters DS is some sort of sexist human. It's incredibly sad that you wouldn't do your child a favour just because the should be able to find a solution.

openthewindoweveryday · 21/10/2025 14:06

HelpMeUnpickThis · 21/10/2025 13:53

@IvedoneitagainhaventI

So I have lived in a houseshare with no dryer and no space to dry wet washing in the individual rooms, especially in winter. We all took our washing to the laundrette and dried it there.

It was a mild pain to have to wheel our washing down (15 min walk), find coins etc, and then wheel it back but I saw it as adulting.

The only reason I am asking is that while I think you are doing a nice thing for your son, why are you not letting him come up with a solution for himself? I fear this is a duty that will be passed to any future gf/DIL.

I am not attacking you. I just think someone old enough to rent a flat and live alone should be able to manage their own laundry.

Edited
Show quote history

The launderette is really expensive these days. I have no issue with doing a bit of washing for my kids as I have a lot more free time than them. They are amazing, independent and hard working young people who just happen to live in crap flats with poor ventilation and no tumble dryer.