Retired mums doing their fully grown adult kids washing for them - is this common?

[LittlePrecious]

I know four retired women who do their daughter's washing as a regular arrangement. I mean, not as a one-off because of some emergency.

Their daughters are all fully grown, functional adult women with no medical or mobility issues.

I was chatting with DP about it, and it turns out MIL also does this for DP's sister.

Is this 'a thing'? Is it actually quite common?

Ugh, MIL does this for her grandson. She is in her late 80s ffs, and he is a single man in his mid 30s who is perfectly capable of doing it himself.

I find it odd, won't lie and a bit emeshed.

Mine are all still at home and the 17yr old does all his own laundry. When they leave home I imagine I would only offer to do this if their washing machine had broken.

My next door neighbour did her son’s washing for years. Then when he married and had children she carried on. Problem being is he lives an hour away so she would drive down one day and take it back another. She was in her late 70s. She also did lots of his cleaning, if they went on holiday she would go down for 3 days and deep clean.
she always talks about how super successful and wealthy he is, clearly not enough to pay someone though.
she has stopped now but she’s in her 80s.

Of course they wouldn't bat an eyelid if a cleaner or housekeeper were doing this because its their job and they'd be paid. Not analogous at all.

Depends where you live though, doesn't it? My nearest launderette is a 30 minute drive away (I only know because I needed to wash a duvet and googled) My friend's is 100 yards away from his flat.

That poster's son had an answer to his problem. He drapes his bed linen around his tiny living area. Assuming that he didn't ask his mum to solve his problem, then, surely it's fine for her to make the gesture of help?

I can see why some women do this but it really does seem like such a bad idea for adults who will get into the expectation that their washing will be done by some unpaid woman.

It’s really babying them. And encouraging them to absolutely take advantage of a well-meaning gesture.

I find it interesting that MN really likes children to be as independent as possible at an early age, so would be outraged that a 10 year old couldn’t do the laundry, but equally doesn’t expect a functional 30 year old to do the same.

I love mine more than anything, but if they're able bodied and have a working washing machine and drier, they can do it themselves.

When I was a single, disabled parent, my mum did my washing once when my machine was broken. She did it on a 14 min quick-wash on 20° and returned it dirty. At least it was dry I suppose, so it waited till I had a new machine to rewash it.

He left home about 11 years ago and this is his third flat - he was renting before but is buying this one. In his rented flats he had more space and washing wasn't a problem for him and I didn't do any of it for him.then. This flat is really cramped for space.

He has a really full on stressful job, does all his own cooking from scratch and all his other household tasks. He is very time poor. When he visits me -generally every couple of weeks, the distance means he has to stay at least overnight. So I suppose I feel me offering to do his bedding washing was sort of trying to compensate for the chunk of time he gives up coming to visit me.
He has also been diagnosed with a life changing medical condition this year so I suppose I want to help in a small way.

I fully agree about it being totally wrong when men are taught that women are the ones responsible for houshold tasks. (Unlike my mother who was totally outraged that my SiL didn't iron my brother's shirts for him and he did them himself) Because of my son's sexual orientation he is not likely to have a gf or wife so I don't think I'm setting another woman up for problems in the future.

Ds worked with a 27 year old man whose mother did his laundry - ds judged that he'd even shared that info with other people!😂

Well, unless there are any underlying reasons - eg health reasons - as to why these ADULTS are letting their mum do their washing, then it's deeply weird IMO. I'd be embarrassed to let my mum do my washing once I had left home. She would probably have laughed at me and said 'ha ha ha do your own washing!' And I would have deserved it.

Come on, what kind of grown adult is taking their washing for mummy to do?! Catch yourself on! As I said, unless there are specific and underlying reasons for her doing it (like certain health reasons,) why on earth is your mum doing your washing when you're not living with her anymore?

As a pp said, if it's men having mummy doing their washing when they've left home, (and it probably is, mostly) - God help the woman he marries.

We just did all the washing when they lived here as young adults it wasn't an issue, I just think it would feel weird doing it when they don't live here and then you factor in partners washing, it isnt for me either, an emergency yes but not as a regular help out,

No, I don’t think so. If Mummy always comes to his rescue he’s got zero reason to work to improve his situation.

If he has the time and money to do sports multiple times a week, he’s got the time and money to come up with a solution. That is, if he’s unhappy with having his washing drying in his flat like millions of others do.

My DF used to pop over and hang shelves, do odd jobs, paint rooms for me and I doubt if anyone ever started a thread about that.

I do my DD’s Everest pile of ironing occasionally. When I know she is ridiculously busy at work, is suffering from stress, She also doesn't sleep & has had several major surgeries on her spine.
If I can lighten the load, I will, with joy.

Not analogous at all.

You're talking about your dad doing quite skilled jobs that get done very occasionally and that you need the right tools for.

Nothing like your mum doing your washing every week.

DMIL does my ironing when she collects DC from school 1 day per week. Currently on holiday and DC school shirts are a bit 🫣

DM always takes out washing basket when we go on holiday so I don’t come back to extra washing or will take a suitcase after holiday and deal with that. We don’t have a tumble drier so in the winter it’s hard to get everything done quickly.

Help from both is much appreciated. Of course DH and I are capable but it’s nice to have one less job sometimes

You do sort of need tools for the washing though OP! Not having enough drying space or a tumble dryer in the winter months is really miserable.

Because no one is doing their washing! 😁 I wish my mum would do mine!

Would you judge if people were using a laundry service or the retired parents were looking after DGC which is a daily thing task?

It is analogous - the child could be paying the mother to do the washing to supplement their pension!

No, I appear to be in the minority.

Young adults are too cushioned from reality. Sure help them out if they live near and their washing machine broke but not as a general.rule.

What age are we talking,?

Also it’s a traditional ‘pink’ job so has lower value than my DF mowing my lawn.

I cannot think of anything worse than letting my mum (who was lovely but is now deceased) loose among my clothes! 'Why do you want to wear this? You're not 25 any more!' 'Gym! Why on earth do you want to go to the gym! You're not 25 any more!' 'These knickers are ridiculous for someone your age!' etc etc.

My best friend does her son's washing. He lives at home, has autism but is MORE than capable of doing his own washing. But apparently he 'doesn't do it right'. Then she moans about how hard she has to work and how much laundry he makes...

We have solar panels to run the machines on, and plenty of space for drying outside too. DCs don't have either and so we are very happy for their laundry to be done here, anytime they want.

My friend does this but the other way around, she pays her DD to come over and clean for her. I think she partly does it as her DD is a young mum with little disposable income.