Retired mums doing their fully grown adult kids washing for them - is this common?

[LittlePrecious]

I know four retired women who do their daughter's washing as a regular arrangement. I mean, not as a one-off because of some emergency.

Their daughters are all fully grown, functional adult women with no medical or mobility issues.

I was chatting with DP about it, and it turns out MIL also does this for DP's sister.

Is this 'a thing'? Is it actually quite common?

I encourage my adult son to bring his washing home when he visits. I don’t actually do it for him, but I’d be happy to. He doesn’t have a tumble dryer where he lives, so it’s easier for him, especially in the winter.

My mum used to do it for my brother before he married as he was ‘so busy’. And would pick it up, iron it and deliver it back 🙄

Really? That sounds borderline embarrassing, to admit to can’t even cope with doing your own washing??? I have each of my DD’s washing baskets for their 16th birthdays and from then on, washing was their responsibility. When they visit (they have both moved out a while now but still in 20’s) they strip the bed on their last day and wash the bedding with any other clothes they plan to leave (both leave a few bits here), I then dry and put away

Btw I wouldn’t want paid staff to do it either, just no, not right

My adult kids still live at home and I have to admit I do their washing as if they put a wash on in the morning and head straight out after work, it lingers there indefinitely. Just quicker to do it myself although I accept I’m not doing them any favours!

My mum lives 200 miles away. I have to confess, I sometimes take things that are stained up with me when I go. She lives in a soft water area and I live in a hard water area. Her machine gets stains out that mine doesn't! 😁

My mum did it for my brother until he was about 50. He is not disabled or incapable he just never bothered to learn until later in life. I did judge this because doing your washing is part of being an independent functioning adult. There’s something wrong if you can’t manage it.

Honestly this is fine. Mine have lived away years and they manage to sort themselves clean clothes,

That comes in the remit "emergency" and ingenious 😀

Ridiculous but not unheard of.

my mum hasn’t touched any of my clothes since the weekend when I was 23 and I was staying with them and she offered to do a few things. Apparently a yellow duster was fine to go in with my lovely white embroidered top. My Dad never went near the washing machine until my Mum was seriously ill, (yes, I know that is not without it’s problems) and he discovered that accidental shrinking and dyeing of clothes could be avoided quite easily.

I look after my granddaughter 3 days a week. While I'm there I do the washing and ironing, a quick clean and get their tea ready. It keeps me busy and means my son and daughter-in-law have more free time after work.

My son used to live in an apartment with a washing machine, no dryer and nowhere to dry clothing. I would take home quilt covers, bath towels and jeans if I was going to see him again in a few days. It's just helping someone you love, sometimes - it doesn't mean the child is inadequate or the mother is overbearing.

Conversely, my mum is looking to downsize locally to me and the flat we visited wouldn’t have had room for a tumble dryer and i offered to help with her laundry. Seemed an obvious solution

In this situation, bedlinen can go to a laundry. That's what I do with mine, and it comes back good as new.

I'm not from the UK but I remember one of my grandmother used to do this for us when I was growing up. And cooking as well.
To help out basically. She had the energy and the time and both my parents were working very long hours.
I never thought anyone would think it is weird. Maybe it is a cultural thing? Grandparents definitely help out a lot over there, paid for childcare is frowned upon, although some families do have nannies. And most women work full time while having children, maternity leave is not very long. SAHM are also viewed unfavourably by society. In our social circles women also earn incredibly well, quite often better than their husbands.

My mum washed a few baby grows when my first was newborn... beyond that I would not expect her to mother me in that way...

@IvedoneitagainhaventI the context you have provided is very relevant. Thanks for answering. I understand with the health condition and the quid pro quo of him making the effort to travel to you, it might feel like a gesture you can easily do to help your son. You sound like a nice mum. I hope your son remains in good health.

If my mum is reading this … I need help mammy!!!!!😅😅😅

When I lived across the road my mum did this for us in the winter. She could just bung it all in the dryer for me, which with small kids was a godsend. Now I live 150 miles away,, but whenever we stay she does our washing so we dont have to carry dirty stuff home. When she's stayed with us ive also found her loading the machine and hanging it up for me!

I don’t know anyone who does this. Think it’s strange!

I’m 36 and when I go and stay at mum and dads for a couple of days, mum does all my washing. We have a newborn and mum comes to stay over a night or two a week, and she automatically does all our washing then as well. Not something I’ve ever even really thought about until reading this post!

@saraclara

Everything depends where you live surely? I don't speak for the whole of the UK. I asked questions - politely - as to why this arrangement was done and the DM came and explained. I have no issue with gestures of help. My post was actually very clear - I was questioning about the messaging around all these mums doing laundry for oh-so-busy grown men and what that might lead to in future in terms of expectations and all the discussion around adults "failing to launch" etc. I asked questions, no attack from me.

I offer to wash towels/sheets for DS and DIL, I have a drier so can easily get them done in the winter.

Also washed all their clothes from a recent holiday - took me no time at all to get the washing dried outside.

As well as full time jobs, DS is an on-call firefighter and DIL is studying at Uni. Throw a 3 year old into the mix and their life is hectic. If I can help I will and they appreciate it. I also cook meals for them for the freezer so they can have easier evenings.

For all the women who do this for their adult children, did anyone do this for you when you were your child's age?

My mum does my sisters and BIL purely because in her 80’s absolutely loves that she can do something useful