Retired mums doing their fully grown adult kids washing for them - is this common?

[LittlePrecious]

I know four retired women who do their daughter's washing as a regular arrangement. I mean, not as a one-off because of some emergency.

Their daughters are all fully grown, functional adult women with no medical or mobility issues.

I was chatting with DP about it, and it turns out MIL also does this for DP's sister.

Is this 'a thing'? Is it actually quite common?

I fear this is a duty that will be passed to any future gf/DIL

There’s room here for the argument of why parents are bringing up girls to think that it would be their job at all.

If a fully grown woman looks at her fully grown husband or boyfriend and feels it’s her duty to do whatever job because he doesn’t, then that’s on her.

I’m speaking generally here, not specifically about anyone. If your boyfriend/DH doesn’t pick up his socks or pants, you can either do it yourself or leave it there. There is the option to break up, not move in together, move out etc. But if you (not you specifically) are teaching your daughters to do it, clean it, bin it, why are you doing that?

For all the women who do this for their adult children, did anyone do this for you when you were your child's age?

When I had my first studio apartment with a coin laundromat, my grandmother used to save up change so that I never had to pay for it myself. It was her way of helping.

My friend did her DIL's laundry as her machine was broken.
7 full loads
When did the machine break? Easter?

@NoCommentingFromNowOn

I agree with all your points re: raising girls.

I have 2 DDs and I hope that I am raising them to do their fair share in all areas of life. Not just domestics but working, community engagement etc.

I have heard of the odd semi man child who’s left home and gets his dm to do his laundry but don’t know any females who’s dm does it.
My adult DS is living here at the moment and all the washing gets chucked in together but his just gets left on his bed for him to iron if he wants to.

I find this so strange ? Isn’t washing just a case of putting stuff in a machine and hanging to dry or putting it in another machine to dry ?

I don’t know why anybody would need help with this - maybe I’m doing it wrong ?

All this 'it fills her time'...'makes her feel needed'...'gives her something to do with her days'!

I've got to say, I hope (know) when I'm retired I (will definitely) manage to find a more fulfilling pastime than washing my adult children's dirty kecks.

My MIL does ours when she’s here and we’re at work (she watches our DD). I’d also do it for my DD. Not sure I’d feel happy sending her away with a bag of laundry but it’s fine that she does it in our house. She wants to do it I never ask.

Wow my Mum would never do that! My aunt does my Grandma’s washing for her. So I guess it goes both ways.

My MIL sometimes did washing for us when we had renovations and no machine at home for 6 months. We usually went to the launderette but she did offer to do a load when we popped round sometimes.

I do my sons/DIL washing once or twice a week I suppose. I have the 3 children after school 3 days a week he collects them about 7. It’s just easier DIL drops them off at 8ish in the morning and will have the odd bag of laundry if she’s running behind I do it during the day and son takes home in the evening. They don’t have a tumble dryer just a washer dryer and with 3 children it can mount up a bit, I always wash the school uniforms if they come home dirty (they always change at my house anyway) and I wash out and repack the lunch boxes too. It just helps them out. I would do it for my other children if they asked, but they have only ever need help when the machines broken etc

in answer to your question, no I had no help when mine were young, my mother died before my 2nd was born and MIL 😂 she didn’t “help” she certainly wouldn’t do laundry.

No, but then parents didn't support their adult kids much at all back then. You moved out and made your own way, pretty much. These days grandparents are expected to offer free and full time childcare, pay for house deposits, be the source of a good inheritance and god knows what else. And they're supposed to be constantly bloody ecstatic about it.

My Mum would sometimes take my sheets and towels, yes, as I was hand washing things in my first flat, and the heating was electric storage heaters which were rubbish.
My Mum offered to do this to help me out, because she could.

Same as I sometimes help my dd, because I can. (I don't do it every week and have hardly at all this Summer as the weather has been so nice, and dd has outside space, but I will again in the Winter as it is difficult to dry stuff.)

Some families are like that - do what they can to help each other out. Also playing to their strengths.
I'm not sure why this is making you so angry @LittlePrecious

Anyone who does this is crazy. You’re not doing your kids any favours. I taught my kids how to do their own washing when they were teenagers. I never touched their clothes again.

I used 'modern' as a short hand for how many parents today have to work so hard because of the cost of living which makes so many time poor. Combine that with the pressure to meet so many parenting ideals being pushed on social media eg the enrichment sessions, clubs, must have possesions, optimal nutrition. Then there are the 'rules' to follow from how babies must always be in the same room, they can't have toys in their cot, they must be not be allowed to sleep on their fronts to lunch boxes must not contain x or y. There are good reasons for a lot of these things and I'm sure some parents used to feel under pressure too but what I am witnessing now looks gruelling.

When I had my DD, my mum used to take her washing. I was so grateful as baby’s seem to go through a 100
outfit charges a day!!

if my DD when she’s an adult is busy and I can help with some washing, I would volunteer in an instant.

My mum did washing like bedding for me. She had the free time and I think liked doing it, she wasn’t working and I did not ask her to, she just started taking it.

Seems bizarre but maybe the offspring are in tiny flats with no dryer - so it's more efficient for them to do it at their parents' place (rather than having wet washing hanging up everywhere and taking ages to dry). You'd still expect them to actually do it themselves rather than dropping off a load and picking it up when it's done.

My MIL used to help us out with some washing sometimes when we had a baby with reflux - there just wasn't time to get everything washed and dry, as we didn't have a tumble drier.

She'll still take a load of bedding home with her sometimes if we're a bit overrun with laundry. It's just practical - she's one person, retired, with a tumble drier. She has a lot more capacity than two full time working adults with a child who still wets the bed sometimes and no tumble drier.

We help her out a lot with other stuff, it's not that we can't adult. It just eases the amount of wet stuff hanging around the house a bit.

Mummy did for us even when we were 'fully grown', or at least she arranged for it to be done by a washerwoman (or man, if he wasn't looking after the hounds).

Sadly since her passing, someone else does it, although one has no idea who.

Some people don't deal well with the spare time once they're retired, and if they want to fill some of that time helping their full-time-working children, then why not? Surely everyone's happy? Who are we to say what is and isn't right? (I do my own washing by the way haha).

My kids have been doing their own washing since secondary school. It’s not hard. They never arrived home from Uji expect me to do their washing. I do help and support them but not with stuff they are perfectly capable of managing themselves - I’m not a servant!

When I had small dc my retired mum did my washing and ironing weekly, but I paid her. She needed the money and I needed the help

My DSIS lived at home until she was 30 and our mother did her laundry. If I visit for a few days, she offers to wash clothes ahead of taking them home. Nobody else is allowed to touch the washing machine. 🤣