Retired mums doing their fully grown adult kids washing for them - is this common?

[LittlePrecious]

I know four retired women who do their daughter's washing as a regular arrangement. I mean, not as a one-off because of some emergency.

Their daughters are all fully grown, functional adult women with no medical or mobility issues.

I was chatting with DP about it, and it turns out MIL also does this for DP's sister.

Is this 'a thing'? Is it actually quite common?

When my father was living in digs in London in the 1950s he used to post his laundry home which was up North. His mother would post it back to him clean and ironed.

If my mum didn’t live a 2 hour drive away and I asked her to do my washing for me, she’d laugh in my face. She’s been a great help with childcare when I ended up in hospital and would drop whatever she’s doing to help me out when I need it, but she wouldn’t do my washing every week unless I was physically incapable.

How is it different to paying someone?

I'd been thinking about it, its really not much different to having a cleaner?
Washing is easy to take to their house, put it out in the line. Sort it.

Its not hard. The hard bit is finding time particularly if you can't WFH or your relying on a dryer or even worse washer dryer.

Sometimes its the noise that can be the issue, putting the machines on while kids are in bed.

You are making my point for me - no one on here said anything about refusing to wash their children's clothes did they - or did I miss that? I don't think so.

Of course it's different, that's why people creating hyperbole around a simple household chore is ludicrous - as was my point.

I'm not retired (sadly) but still working full time in my sixties. My daughter and her husband are perfectly capable of doing their own washing for everyday stuff but hopeless with any precious items. So I hand wash my grandchild's handknits and iron/ press any special clothes they own. I do it because my mother taught me and it's carrying on a tradition. Apparently she had an exam on laundry care when she trained as a nursery nurse in the 1940's!

It’s not hard and that’s why it’s easy to do yourself.

I do lots for my DDs. If I’m at one of their houses looking after the kids, I’ll do some cleaning or washing or a bit of weeding. I’ll sometimes do a bit of batch cooking. I did used to tidy up the play room but have trained the kids to tidy up their own mess! DH is mustard on laundry so will always offer to do some if asked.
I always ask if they need anything doing first. My DDs are both hard workers with full time jobs and I remember how hard it was for me and DH when they were little trying to keep all plates spinning. My DM managed to live too far away from me at this time to be of any support.

In our first flat, we had no washing machine so our parents used to alternate taking a load home for us, although I preferred my own mum doing it, rather than MIL rummaging through my smalls.
Occasionally, I would wash stuff in the bath if we really needed a wash doing.
That was a long 9 months!

Later on in life, when I was working and doing a degree, my mum did our cleaning once a week but I did pay her.

Try to imagine having a newborn baby, rainfall for days on end, only enough space for a washer/dryer leading to piles of damp washing strewn all over the place making the house feel damp. Now imagine someone taking that dirty washing off your hands and returning it 24 hours later washed, dried, folded and ironed?

You did miss it. A poster said their mum refused to do their laundry from the age of 10.

My mum often used to do my washing and ironing for me when my children were younger. I worked full-time and really appreciated the support. Now that she’s older I quite often do her washing and ironing! I think it’s lovely when different generations help each other out.

DD has ADHD & sometimes gets overwhelmed with everything. I have occasionally done some laundry under those circumstances, particularly when she was in a small flat & had nowhere to hang it.
My father used to send his washing home to his mother every week when he was at uni in the 1950s. She then sent it back to him 😂

Fair enough. This website is a nightmare at the moment and keeps reloading.

So you have no problem with paying for help but have a problem with a parent doing it for free?

does this belief extend to childcare? Paying for a nanny or childminder is ok but having a parent look after the dc one day a week or after school regularly is ‘bad’?

why is family helping family so terrible in your mind? Until very recently and still in many cultures, people lived in multi generational families where different generations helped out with daily tasks.

I think you are odd on this one

My mum has done this for me on many occasions when I've been overwhelmed with housework, kids and work. She doesn't do it regularly but does do any ironing I need as I don't own an ironing board - she doesn't agree with my shaking and hanging approach.

I dont but if I had young local grandchildren and a working mum, I would be happy to offer it, mostly.

My mum hasn’t done any washing for me since I left home aged 18. But my MIL always insists on doing a load whenever we are there. I actually kind of get it, laundry is my job in our family and I quite like it and I can imagine when my kids have grown up and left home and I only need to do a couple of loads a week it would be quite a novelty to wash my grandkids’ clothes! It’s definitely a love language. Reminds me, though, I must make sure my teens know how to use the washer and dryer and not wait until they are about to leave home to teach them! I don’t particularly want to make them do their own washing just yet though, it’s more efficient to do separate light/dark/white/towels loads.

I'm not sure why the idea of family helping each other out when they can offends you so much ?

I personally don't do any of my dcs' washing on a regular basis, although I have helped out with things that are difficult to dry as I have a tumble dryer and my dd doesn't, but it doesn't bother me that other people might choose to help out in that way.
In the same way it doesn't bother me that some grandparents help out with childcare, or gardening, or decorating, or by inviting their dc round for a meal on a regular basis.
Nor does it bother me that some adult dc take their parents' to appointments, or get shopping in for their parents, or do some cleaning for their parents, or help them with decorating, or IT things, or to declutter , or anything else people do for their parents.

All sorts of things aren't necessarily difficult to do, but how nice if you are a bit overwhelmed and someone kindly offers to do something to ease your load a little.

Hoovering and cleaning the loo isn't hard either but nobody would bat an eyelid if you paid someone.

I genuinely think its mum's trying to help their adult children out, adults who are tight for time.

I bet it comes back folded and ironed. That is what takes time.

I'm not angry about it at all 🤣

I find it incredibly odd but why on earth would I be angry about it?!

I hadn't thought of it like that. Really good point!

Why aren’t Dads doing the laundry too?

Because thats not a man job. I know at least two Dad, who'd happily cut their children's grass and wash cars!

Saying about the dads is a funny one. FIL wouldn’t dream of doing any washing… but given half a chance he’ll clean and tidy our kitchen, mow our lawn, take out our rubbish and recycling and wash the windows. He’s even cleaned our oven a couple of times. He loves to be ‘doing’ and wants to be useful at all times. He is, the marvellous man!

In trying to imagine caring less about what other people do with their dirty knickers.