Boss's wife - WTH do I do?

[PassUstheJaffaCakes]

Using throwaway acct for this as it's sensitive.

My boss's wife has become convinced something is going on between us because we attended a black tie awards ceremony together (as in we went together in a taxi and sat at the same table, absolutely nothing else!) and she clearly checked his phone and found 2 photos of us at the event. He sent them to me afterwards so I could send them to my team, as it was hosted by a minor celebrity who was in the photos with us. We have never even exchanged WhatsApps outside work before. Literally a few messages saying he booked the taxi for x time, see you in the lobby, and a couple joking afterwards about some of the very drunk people on our table.

I got a message from her the day after asking who I am and what was I doing in a photo with her husband. I didn't reply initially because I was taken aback. I've since had a couple more, with a more insistent tone. Boss has been off on leave since the event.

I have no idea what to say, since it seems manager hasn't told his wife he was there with a female colleague. No idea if there's a history of cheating, we don't discuss personal lives in depth. We know each other's spouses' names, kids names, ask politely about the family etc but other than basic details I know little about his family life. I have heard rumours he used to be a party animal on work nights out, but sounds like that's years ago and when he was more junior, and I've never seen it. I've never even known him drink at a work do. I'm a senior manager, I'm married, and I pride myself on my professionalism. I certainly don't want any rumours starting.

If you were a worried DW, would you want the woman you suspected to message back and say there's nothing going on? Or would a denial not help really? Do I just stay out of it, let my boss know when he gets back and let him deal with his own affairs?

unlikely to be a breakdown. More likely from the sound of things that he has form and she has reason to suspect him.

I do think that ignoring her could be seen as a sign of guilt.

A simple email to your boss saying you’ve had some concerning emails from his wife asking for confirmation that the work do you both attended at the behest of your organisation, was in fact legit. Can he reassure his wife as to that fact and ask her to stop messaging you as you are not going to engage.

Agree. OP has stated she’s senior management, and that she’s married herself, so she’s in no way junior staff.

Yep agree with other posters... don't reply when your boss is back from leave just say is there a chance we can have a chat it's sensitive and concerning that messages have been sent to you .

Where's the OP? Odd to start such a thread and not update especially when using a one off name 🙄

Don't go to HR it's embarrassing for him already with a crazy wife sending messages like that .

You can't go to HR about the bonkers behaviour of someone who doesn't work there (the wife). Tell him, block her, end of. Maybe he's shagged his colleagues or whatever before but her problem is with him - she's got no right to pester you. And how he conducts his personal life isn't your concern. Just be very factual about it and say you didn't reply and have blocked her and leave it there.

I meant she’s junior to him

You've got to respond or she won't stop.

"Hello. You will have seen from the images that this was a work-related occasion. It shouldn't need stating, but of course both I and your husband behaved with utmost professionalism. If you have any concerns, these are matters that should be discussed with your husband. In the meantime I will have to contact HR to update them."

I also think you need to contact your boss and update him too - he's bound to find out one way or another anyway.

I don't think the OP is coming back tbh.

She updated several times, most recently less than 24 hours ago. Given that the boss in question is still on leave until next week there may be nothing to update.

Not that she owes us anything - these are people's real lives, not soap operas where you get an entire plot resolved.

Oh god do t send that message!

Sets women in the workplace back fifty years😂.

You are a professional adult in 2025, no need to reference your husband or the state of your marriage.

be professional - ignore the text messages. Send him an email on his return to the office clearly stating you do not want to be messaged by his wife. He will probably be very embarrassed. But keep records of this incase they both turn out to be loons.

Why is everyone assuming the wife is crazy or has MH problems ? He may have form for cheating, and she may have good reason for being suspicious.

She must not respond.

If her boss was around, a quick communication via work infrastructure would be inappropriate way to deal with it. However, in the circumstance that he’s not here and the wife keeps texting, the only thing that OP can really do is go to HR. They need to contact him ASAP and get them to make it stop.

She needs to protect herself, behave totally professionally, with everything above board. Any kind of communication with her boss on the matter could actually compromise her.

This was a work event where she was representing the company and the photo was for the company. If it was a member of the public who had got her phone number off the back of this event and was harassing her of course HR would deal with it. This is not actually any different. This woman is a stranger to her. The fact that it will embarrass her boss is not actually her problem.

He may be a crazed philanderer for all we know, but you can’t contact your husband‘s work colleagues directly.

Be careful re teams as sometimes they automatically clear if not read after a certain time frame has passed!

Agree

It really doesn’t matter if the wife thinks she is guilty though does it? This is not OP’s issue to resolve - she doesn’t have to prove her innocence.

the wife clearly has some issues - but those issues have nothing to do with OP. This is a situation where I would absolutely maintain a dignified silence. Not my monkey and not my circus.

You dont know anything. She could just be jealous because some people are that's all.
They dont need a reason.

Jeez, chill out, I didn't know if it was imagined, I mean sorry, I imagined it!

Did she, so she's updated since 7pm last night? I thought the last update was yesterday morning, that's not within a 24hr time period.

I mean, if he's cheated, why are so many posters depicting her as Bertha Mason (mad woman in the attic). It's not exactly out there to want to know who your husband is cheating on you with.

Well you can because she has🤔

Block and delete.
I'd tell her dh that you don't appreciate such messages.

But she has to work with the man?