Can’t stop crying after holiday

[Laptopsas]

Just been away on a little mini break with my partner me had a great time. We’ve been together ages, he's lovely, kind, great company, no control or jealousy issues and I feel lucky to have met him.

He made a couple of joking comments. I know they were jokes. One was that I talk too loud. I often do. I know I do. One was that I talk about a hobby a lot. Again, I know I do, I know he was just teasing me.

But they have really upset me and I don’t know why. I know logically I shouldn’t be upset, but physically I just keep crying. Am I just tired and worn out?

He text this morning apologising if he’d been hard work, which he wasn’t, at all, I loved spending time with him. But I felt like I was annoying him and my reaction is utterly bizarre. What is going on?

I don’t live with him and he doesn’t know I’ve been upset. I don’t know why I am.

Did you have the same amount of sex that you’d generally have on a holiday away together OP? Or did he seem less interested?

This is unfortunately so often true. Keep your eyes and ears open, I'd say.

Can't believe the number of people saying that the OP should change, she's clearly very annoying, what the hell has she got to be upset about.

Pick your standards off the floor. If someone presses the Crumple Button (brilliant term, PP!) and you are deeply hurt, that isn't something to brush away. It's HURTFUL for someone to criticise the way you ARE. Especially when if it was really that bad, no-one would be friends with OP, and this relationship would have died in the bud.

Never change a thing about yourself to fit someone else's idea about how you should be.

Can I suggest an edit? First part, change "she's annoying" to either " she's annoyed," or "he's annoying".

This. Just this.

I remember being on holiday with my boyfriend of 4 years. I’d be having doubts beforehand but in the holiday…. I found myself getting SO irritated by him. Utterly unfair of me. He hadn’t changed. I had changed, I know longer fancied him, or even particularly loved him.

I finished with him shortly after we returned home.

I think this is exactly what it was. I’m absolutely fine now, I was just really weepy that first day we got home, then completely fine the next day. I’ve put it down to tiredness.

Not ND and my relationship with my dad is fine.

We had lots of sex.

Why shouldn't he say what bothers him?

It was the way it was said. Uncharacteristic snapping.

If he snapped at you then that's different. Your OP said 'He made a couple of joking comment', 'I know he was just teasing me.' so I was going by that.

If you genuinely are very loud and talk too much about one subject, then he is allowed to say that he doesn't like it but equally he should not be snapping at you, he should communicate his view calmly.

How does he take it when you criticise him?

It was ‘okay, Laptop, I’m just here!’

I don’t criticise him really. On the one occasion I can think of where I had a serious criticism he was slightly defensive then apologetic. He takes teasing very well though.

Are you peri menopausal?

I don’t think so. Still just get regular periods. I think I’d just had a few late nights, lacked sleep and good food. It was strange though because I don’t often cry. Was like I couldn’t turn the tap off.

You can still get regular periods and be peri
that’s how mine started
and especially started with broken sleep and then the night sweats

Just checked the symptoms and I don’t have any but you never know!

As long it's not a pattern...if you find him criticizing you often and you start feeling belittled then that's a red flag.... otherwise it could just be a one off and like you said just tiredness x

Yes, you’re right. Not in all of these years has there ever been anything remotely worrying, and he has never before criticised me in any way.

Have you ruled out that he was being a dick to you? Seems more likely…..Can you talk to him about it?

I have. We’re fine. All is well. I do think I was unusually emotional not in proportion to his crime.

Hormones, tired, more alcohol than usual.... could easily be why he was snappy and why your reacted more than you feel is 'normal'.

Or, armchair phycology time... What are you like when you get feedback / criticism in general? Does feeling rejected or criticised often upset you like this?

Have you been harshly criticised for being too loud before? Perhaps as a child or in a way that was really humiliating (pulled up on it in front of the class at school for example)? Just wondering if that's why it was such a trigger?

My ex boyfriend was abusive and used to go on about my voice being too loud. Maybe that’s part of why it made me feel so embarrassed.

But largely I think it was the tiredness causing the unusual emotion. It was only that first day, I felt fine the day after.

Stunned at these responses, calling him all sorts. I don’t think I’ve ever witnessed a relationship where people don’t occasionally get irritated by each other or snap if not feeling great and I don’t think it’s healthy if that’s the case and everything is kept in when feeling snappy or irritated. But there you go, all these mumsnetters living that life.

op. Glad you’ve got over it and if you really don’t ever criticise each other or occasionally snap then I’d say you’re not that close likely as you don’t live together and only really see each other at weekends.

Yes, we very happily only see each other at weekends. Not sure why that would mean we aren’t very close.