Can’t stop crying after holiday

[Laptopsas]

Just been away on a little mini break with my partner me had a great time. We’ve been together ages, he's lovely, kind, great company, no control or jealousy issues and I feel lucky to have met him.

He made a couple of joking comments. I know they were jokes. One was that I talk too loud. I often do. I know I do. One was that I talk about a hobby a lot. Again, I know I do, I know he was just teasing me.

But they have really upset me and I don’t know why. I know logically I shouldn’t be upset, but physically I just keep crying. Am I just tired and worn out?

He text this morning apologising if he’d been hard work, which he wasn’t, at all, I loved spending time with him. But I felt like I was annoying him and my reaction is utterly bizarre. What is going on?

I don’t live with him and he doesn’t know I’ve been upset. I don’t know why I am.

Give your head a wobble. You aren’t being over sensitive, he’s rude and disrespectful.

Well then that’s why it upset you so much - you’re very conscious of it and try really hard to temper your volume - him making a jibe about it would of course upset you

i do think all the crying is excessive as you say it’s not like you though

He’s not usually. It is out of character. He’s normally great. Funny, self-deprecating, friendly, honestly the opposite of rude or disrespectful. Which is why I’m with him. I don’t know if his apology is for the snappiness or because he was complaining a bit about the heat and feeling ill.

Ah OP. Anything that harks back to my childhood always makes me emotional.

Plus post holiday blues?

He sounds great, you sound great, both of you seem to know yourselves.

I'd put it down to the above and let it go. No one's perfect, but you love each other and thats enough.

I can`t stand people that talk loudly or bang on about the same crap over and over.
My mother is one no need for it tbh she as been like it all her life.
Annoying was not the word it was head shattering.
Some have told her about it even me but no she dont see it.
Talk over anyone talk with her raised voice that is constantly on and very loud.

If i annoy anyone id rather they said something.
If we cant speak up about things in a relationship then what`s the point being in one.
Spend our days with people we love but cant stand them in the end because we dont want to say you annoy me when you do that.

Right but none of that happened here.

You're upset because he criticised who you are - how you speak and your passion/hobby. You've always been this way so why raise it now? Also, he's raising issues that you can't really change and if you do, you would not be your true self. He's reflecting his attitude towards you which isn't very nice. I think you're upset (and quite rightly) because his attitude isn’t the same one you have towards him.

Can you say to him how much it’s tainted an otherwise lovely weekend and that you feel really sad about his comments? I think he needs to know it has hurt you, so it doesn’t happen again. Don’t gloss over it.

I could, but I’m not sure I should. I don’t want to keep going on about it when he’s apologised and we’re alright. I can’t keep berating him. I just wish I knew why it’s caused such a severe reaction.

So today my DH of 34 years has said
'you look like Grayson Perry - can't you walk any faster?- We're on holiday, stop talking about the DC,'
I have said - You have hat hair- stop talking about the bloody band- you should have set up the satnav before we set off'
And probably lots more besides.
How do people have the energy to upset themselves about this sort of thing?

I suspected the two people I know who speak loudly to have hearing problems. One of them has had their hearing checked and now has a hearing aid. The other is in denial, but there is a history of deafness in the family.

Yours is bickering but op’s was a deeply personal issue about her voice and her deaf father, they have been together for years he must know it’s a sore subject (as we all have them) and still choose to hurt her with commenting on it. Couples bickering about non personal issues is normal.

OP...I'm sorry to say this, but it seems he is getting fed up with you. He is starting to neg you and it's making you upset and cry. You know yourself his normal behavior pattern and you also know this was off, no matter how you try and excuse it. I think you need to be strong now and expect this may be the end.
He made you cry, his behavior was out of character. Please try and reflect on this as it seems he has checked out to me. Could be very wrong, but if it happened to me it's what I would think.

He’s not getting fed up with me. I am completely sure of that.

Op… of course you can’t be certain about this. I mean… read your own Op for a start!

I wouldn't be so sure.

You say he was hot, ill and has had a nasty shock. So probably a lot more unfiltered than he is normally. Of course you were upset by the comments, you were being carefree and having a lovely time, and he squashed you. Not sure how I’d proceed from here, as you are going to be very self-conscious now about what he raised, and it may really not be an issue to him usually.

Of course I can be certain, and I am certain.

Don’t worry, I am sure.

I think I’m going to mention it next time I see him. I’m going to tell him I need some reassurance about the snapping. I know it’s what he meant to do by the apology this morning.

The OP has said she does objectively speak very loud as she had a deaf father.

Things can be factual you know. It is quite possible for a person to speak too loudly for the vast majority of people

@Laptopsas good idea, clear the air. He might be a bit embarrassed by what he said and not want to make it worse by repeating it and drawing attention to it, just in case you hadn’t been that bothered by it, so has gone for the vague apology.

I think the fact this upset you so much tells you that you know he was being unkind. You would feel ok if you knew his behaviour had been ok.

I wondered if he apologised for something else to deflect from the thing he should have apologised for.

According to most people on here you apparently are abusive to each other, intentionally cruel and are sick of each other 😂

Do you honestly think people who love each other are never annoyed by each other?

he doesn’t find you annoying. You were in a quiet lobby and you started speaking really loudly so he said ‘I’m right here’ as in ‘no need to shout’.
If that’s considered abusive or nasty then something really fucked up had happened in the world.

i frequently as my life DH to stop chewing so loudly or to try to cough in a manner that doesn’t blow my ear drums.

and I know loads of MNers do the same. Especially the menopausal ones 🤣