Can’t stop crying after holiday

[Laptopsas]

Just been away on a little mini break with my partner me had a great time. We’ve been together ages, he's lovely, kind, great company, no control or jealousy issues and I feel lucky to have met him.

He made a couple of joking comments. I know they were jokes. One was that I talk too loud. I often do. I know I do. One was that I talk about a hobby a lot. Again, I know I do, I know he was just teasing me.

But they have really upset me and I don’t know why. I know logically I shouldn’t be upset, but physically I just keep crying. Am I just tired and worn out?

He text this morning apologising if he’d been hard work, which he wasn’t, at all, I loved spending time with him. But I felt like I was annoying him and my reaction is utterly bizarre. What is going on?

I don’t live with him and he doesn’t know I’ve been upset. I don’t know why I am.

Because he criticised you and it upset you. You're perfectly normal to be bothered by it.

Have you ruled out hormonal reasons? At the extreme end of the equation, could you be pregnant?

If his comments have upset you they’re not a joke, irrelevant of whether he tries to say they are.

He shouldn’t make these kind of upsetting comments to you, it’s right he’s apologised, why are you making excuses for his behaviour?

Definitely not pregnant. I came on my period whilst we were away and am still on it now but normally my mood can be impacted the week before but clears up as soon as it starts.

He didn’t apologise for the jokes. I am not trying to make excuses, just trying to paint a picture that this is by no means a theme and he’s not always negging or trying to undermine me. I don’t think he’s ever made a comment that’s upset me before.

Sorry to have asked such an intrusive question, it was just to rule that out. The other thing it brings up for me is Rejection Sensitivity, have you heard of that?

Whatever the reason for how you feel, you are feeling it. Give it space and be kind to yourself. 💖

Maybe think of it as a constructive criticism and try to tune it down a bit/expand the conversation topics? Has anyone else ever mentioned the same?

Could it be Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria?

i think you were upset because you were having a lovely romantic weekend where you felt connected and close and your bf chose to make negative comments about you. It made you feel wrong.
why tell you these things on a weekend away? Either he’s a bit tactless or he was bursting your bubble deliberately.

He was rude and disrespectful. Don’t blame yourself for his bad behaviour. Raise your bar. 💐

I think the more relevant question is why would he be suddenly making negative comments about you (albeit in the guise of teasing) when he doesn't usually. I think you have every right to be upset, it wasn't just one "throw away" remark. Has anything else shifted slightly in the relationship?

How long is "ages" ??

He has told you what he really thinks (but has previously kept quiet about) and it hurts - unsurprisingly. It was a mean thing to do but hopefully you will feel able to move on in a few days.

We weren’t having a conversation when he made the hobby comment. I like painting, and there was a nice sunset and I said it would make a lovely painting, and he said ‘I can’t hear about painting any more’ or similar. I definitely mentioned a few lovely views that would make lovely paintings but I’d never sit down and try and engage him in conversations about it.

Yes, I know I can speak loudly. I think it’s because my dad is deaf so we grew up speaking quite loudly. I am aware and self conscious about it. I didn’t know he’d ever picked up on it.

If someone says negative things to you they mean it. You aren’t “too loud” or talk about your hobbies “too much.” He speaks for himself and he told you outright you are too much for him —no wonder your feelings are hurt.

I haven’t but I’ll have a Google.

Years and years. Neither of us can quite remember how old we were when we got together the first time, but it was casual for a long while. Maybe five or six years more serious.

As you say, you were annoying him and your reaction is bizarre. When you don't live together the huge amount of time you spend with someone on holiday can be quite challenging (as well as a nice treat) and you do get to experience their more annoying characteristics more than usual.

So fair enough, he's told you how he feels, talking too loudly and going on and on about something only your are interested in would annoy most people. Decide if you want to change at all (obviously you don't have to) and stop with the self-pity.

So what did he mean by 'being hard work'? I think he's sounding you out to see how much criticism you'll take

That definitely would be classed as ages. You mentioned you dont live together, how often do u see each other normally? Maybe it was just being in each other's presence day in day out that caused friction.

Op if I can say gently that I think you were annoying him. That is not to say you were annoying at all, just that he found you to be. That’s why you were upset. You thought it was a lovely weekend, he on the other hand didn’t enjoy it as much.

In your place I would be taking a step back. His criticism of you is how he really feels, and saying those things about your painting is really quite nasty.

You could try talking to him about it? Ask him why it annoyed him. It’s not a joke, what he said wasn’t funny or designed to be. It was undermining.

Every weekend normally. To be honest other than these two instances there was no friction. There never is, we never argue.

I think you might be glossing over the fact that he texted you this morning “apologising if he’d been hard work”. This suggests that he is aware that his behaviour over the weekend wasn’t his normal behaviour and that you might reasonably have been bothered by it. I’m not sure why you’re taking this all on yourself. It seems to be a ‘him’ problem too. Everyone finds themselves out of sorts occasionally and it seems as though perhaps you were both not at your best this weekend.

I would see it as a cooling of the relationship. Are you getting married or moving on to the next stage after so long?