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Original poster

Man behaving oddly near my daughter

222 replies

LumpyandBumps · 02/09/2025 19:49

Good evening,

I sometimes feel that I run too many things past the wonderful Mumsnet ‘hive’ mind, but here I am again, as I don’t know what to do.

My daughter is 21, but small stature and when wearing make up, etc could easily pass for 16.

She started running a month or so ago. She runs maybe 3 times most weeks.

A couple of weeks ago she became aware of seeing a man in a car most times she was out. He would pass her and then she would see him parked up further along the road, or he would pass her and a short while later come back having turned around and pass her again. On one occasion he drove slowly behind and then very slowly past and along the road. She has changed her route more than once when she has seen him.

He is always in the same, fairly small, area, maybe 2 miles across, or so. We have traced the vehicle to the staff car park of a local employer, so he does have a reason to be in the area, although it doesn’t really explain the frequent trips up and down the road.

There aren’t that many places my daughter can run safely although she has resorted to doing laps of a field so she doesn’t go near him.

My son went out with her today so they took her normal route, but he is faster so they were separated by a few hundred metres and the man in the car waited for my son to get past and then went back past my daughter again ( he probably wouldn’t know they were together).

I’ve bought my daughter a repellent spray to try to keep her safe as my son can’t always accompany her.

I don’t know if there’s anything I can or should do about this man. He’s never actually stopped or spoken to her, although he does stare and make her uncomfortable.

I am fairly certain that speaking to the employer would not be productive. He works for a large country estate, and judging by the car ( approx value £60k) he probably holds a fairly senior position.

We no longer have our friendly female Community Policewoman or I would have spoken to her. I did think of making a report via 101 online, but the man hasn’t actually ‘done’ anything.

I would welcome suggestions.

OP posts:
outingouting · 02/09/2025 19:54

do you know any burly men who could go with her one day and scare the shit out of him?

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 02/09/2025 19:56

Could your son not run alongside your daughter? After all, it is not a race.

SummerFrog25 · 02/09/2025 19:58

What was the purpose of your son going with her if he was just going to run on ahead

id report him (number plate, car details) as he's making a pest of himself.

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Original poster
LumpyandBumps · 02/09/2025 19:59

outingouting · 02/09/2025 19:54

do you know any burly men who could go with her one day and scare the shit out of him?

I do have a couple of neighbours who have impressive statures. I don’t know if they’d help. I do know they couldn’t keep up her running pace so they’d have to drive. It might be worth speaking to them. Thank you.

OP posts:
Reversetail · 02/09/2025 20:01

Report to the police this is very concerning behavior and I am sure they will take it seriously.

Rightandwrong · 02/09/2025 20:02

I agree with pp that she should report this to the police ASAP. It's really worrying behaviour.

Miriabelle · 02/09/2025 20:07

Definitely speak to the police for advice here.

Original poster
LumpyandBumps · 02/09/2025 20:10

Thanks for the replies so far.

Yes, my son could have stayed closer, although he was close enough to help if necessary and did turn round when he saw the car pull out. He can’t run with her all the time though.

I was hesitant to contact the police as although she is worried by his actions he hasn’t done anything specifically threatening.

OP posts:
Tollington · 02/09/2025 20:15

If this was my DD I think I’d go out in the car and when he’s pulled over ask him why he keeps driving past and turning round and that his reg has been given to the police. Once he knows you’re on to him he will hopefully disappear

outingouting · 02/09/2025 20:20

I would get her to log it all - times, locations etc too

Bateson · 02/09/2025 20:21

I would contact the Police for advice. He’s being intimidating. He’d deny it of course, but at least he’d know you’re onto him and the Police would be aware of him.

DatingDinosaur · 02/09/2025 20:25

Could she wear a head-cam or body-cam like cyclists do?

Or get her brother to run behind her and film 'the run' on his phone?

Capture it on video then contact the Police non-emergency and ask for their advice.

pizzaHeart · 02/09/2025 20:28

Do you have a male relative or a friend of a bigger size who can go with you in a car and do how @Tollington advised but not on your own.

Original poster
LumpyandBumps · 02/09/2025 20:33

Tollington · 02/09/2025 20:15

If this was my DD I think I’d go out in the car and when he’s pulled over ask him why he keeps driving past and turning round and that his reg has been given to the police. Once he knows you’re on to him he will hopefully disappear

I know that my DH would have done this, but he had an incredible way of speaking to people and getting his point across without being aggressive.
I am angry and frightened for my daughter and don’t think I’d handle the conversation well. I could ask someone to come with me and help I suppose.

OP posts:
Bateson · 02/09/2025 20:50

With all respect, I don’t agree with people advising taking a large man along with the young woman. These sorts of matters can escalate in a way you don’t expect. Better to keep it professional IMO.

PunishmentRoundupWithJoon · 02/09/2025 20:51

I second the head cam or the type that can attach to the strap of a backpack. Even if she does't usually wear one, might be useful to wear one for a couple of runs just to get something recorded.

Do you share locations on your phones? So you at least always know where she is.

pinkbackground · 02/09/2025 20:53

I’d contact the police for advice. They may already know this person.

Bathingforest · 02/09/2025 21:04

Bateson · 02/09/2025 20:50

With all respect, I don’t agree with people advising taking a large man along with the young woman. These sorts of matters can escalate in a way you don’t expect. Better to keep it professional IMO.

Men are territorial. He works there and feels entitled to drive around. She lives there also and wants to feel entitled to run as she wants. Either she takes a man with her few times to show him she is not vulnerable and alone , either she stops running or the police contacts his employer, makes a lot of fuss for things not yet proven and what else.

Bringmeahigherlove · 02/09/2025 21:04

What an absolute creep. I would speak to the police and see what they suggest. It’s concerning behaviour that could potentially escalate. It makes me so angry that women can’t go out for a run in 2025 without pricks like this making them uncomfortable.

Doodlie · 02/09/2025 21:05

If you don’t have one, borrow a large dog. No matter how fast she runs it’ll keep up. It will give the same implicit message he’s giving her. If it doesn’t belong to you, its owner might be glad of an evening indoors for that final walk.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 02/09/2025 21:10

I'd suggest her wearing a go-pro camera and also carrying a personal alarm ... he'd be too close if she was using some kind of spray ... she needs him at a distance rather than close up.

Also she should set off before brother so he's following her.

coxesorangepippin · 02/09/2025 21:11

If your son is a large lad, I'd ask him to ask the kerb crawler what the fuck he wants

Bateson · 02/09/2025 21:13

Bathingforest · 02/09/2025 21:04

Men are territorial. He works there and feels entitled to drive around. She lives there also and wants to feel entitled to run as she wants. Either she takes a man with her few times to show him she is not vulnerable and alone , either she stops running or the police contacts his employer, makes a lot of fuss for things not yet proven and what else.

Show quote history

The Police wouldn’t need to contact his employer as OP has his car reg.

Doje · 02/09/2025 21:17

I know we shouldn't have to change our behaviour to accommodate creepy men, but could she change her route? It's advised anyway to not be predictable, so could she run a few different routes.

If he doesn't see her for a week or so, he might move on. And if he doesn't move on, maybe he's not there for her. 🤷‍♀️

Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 02/09/2025 21:17

Kerb crawling. Urgh. Report to the police. When I walked to high school, there was a creep who would go to the local newsagents I walked past and would sit in his car and wait for me to walk past before he left. When I eventually said something to my parents, it stopped. Though I'm not sure what happened!