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Original poster

Man behaving oddly near my daughter

222 replies

LumpyandBumps · 02/09/2025 19:49

Good evening,

I sometimes feel that I run too many things past the wonderful Mumsnet ‘hive’ mind, but here I am again, as I don’t know what to do.

My daughter is 21, but small stature and when wearing make up, etc could easily pass for 16.

She started running a month or so ago. She runs maybe 3 times most weeks.

A couple of weeks ago she became aware of seeing a man in a car most times she was out. He would pass her and then she would see him parked up further along the road, or he would pass her and a short while later come back having turned around and pass her again. On one occasion he drove slowly behind and then very slowly past and along the road. She has changed her route more than once when she has seen him.

He is always in the same, fairly small, area, maybe 2 miles across, or so. We have traced the vehicle to the staff car park of a local employer, so he does have a reason to be in the area, although it doesn’t really explain the frequent trips up and down the road.

There aren’t that many places my daughter can run safely although she has resorted to doing laps of a field so she doesn’t go near him.

My son went out with her today so they took her normal route, but he is faster so they were separated by a few hundred metres and the man in the car waited for my son to get past and then went back past my daughter again ( he probably wouldn’t know they were together).

I’ve bought my daughter a repellent spray to try to keep her safe as my son can’t always accompany her.

I don’t know if there’s anything I can or should do about this man. He’s never actually stopped or spoken to her, although he does stare and make her uncomfortable.

I am fairly certain that speaking to the employer would not be productive. He works for a large country estate, and judging by the car ( approx value £60k) he probably holds a fairly senior position.

We no longer have our friendly female Community Policewoman or I would have spoken to her. I did think of making a report via 101 online, but the man hasn’t actually ‘done’ anything.

I would welcome suggestions.

OP posts:
Marchitectmummy · 03/09/2025 03:42

Bateson · 03/09/2025 02:04

I wouldn’t want him to see my daughter filming him - if he is up to no good, it may be inflammatory. If he’s done enough to alarm her, he needs speaking to.

No I wouldn't either, it could escalate and put your daughter at a greater risk. Film by all means but not to trigger a confrontation but to gather evidence.

tattychicken · 03/09/2025 04:02

Absolutely report to the police. She can do this via 101 online or over the phone.

She can also share her location via Strava with a Beacon text so you can see her running route, when she stops etc. I realise this in itself won't keep her safe though and is not an alternative to reporting him, but you might like the reassurance of seeing her running route and knowing where she is.

Bowies · 03/09/2025 04:08

This is absolutely worrying enough to be reported to the police, presumably you have his car registration?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Alicealig · 03/09/2025 04:21

Please don't arm your daughter with any kind of weapon. This only serves to give women false confidence as it'd be unlikely to be effective against your average man in a realistic situation. If the guy works nearby he has reason to be there and your daughters likely just being paranoid and over cautious. There's so much over caution these days when we live on such safe streets for women. Just reassure her that it's overwhelmingly unlikely that hes a threat and to just enjoy her jog.

WiddlinDiddlin · 03/09/2025 04:37

Head cam/vest cam - loads of people wear them these days so she's not going to stand out as odd at all.

It is shitty that this is the reason she has to wear one but they are a proven deterrant, and the police will take things more seriously if she can back up her complaint with multiple clips showing this guy slowing, turning/passing her repeatedly.

I'd also want her to run with someone else for a while, at least until she's certain the police have seen what he is doing and have spoken to him.

Zanatdy · 03/09/2025 04:51

100% i’d be reporting this to the police.

ThereIsThunderInOurHearts · 03/09/2025 05:03

He won't know that she's wearing a body cam type of camera, so that would be the most effective way of capturing his creepy behavioyr. Make sure she only goes running when your son is available. He can be a hundred metres behind so he can view what is going on and make sure she is safe.

Bournetilly · 03/09/2025 05:19

Report him to the police, even if they don’t do anything there will be a record of it, there could be others reporting him.

Is there a gym nearby that she could join? Not that she should have to but it’s not worth the risk.

banananas1999 · 03/09/2025 05:29

LumpyandBumps · 02/09/2025 19:49

Good evening,

I sometimes feel that I run too many things past the wonderful Mumsnet ‘hive’ mind, but here I am again, as I don’t know what to do.

My daughter is 21, but small stature and when wearing make up, etc could easily pass for 16.

She started running a month or so ago. She runs maybe 3 times most weeks.

A couple of weeks ago she became aware of seeing a man in a car most times she was out. He would pass her and then she would see him parked up further along the road, or he would pass her and a short while later come back having turned around and pass her again. On one occasion he drove slowly behind and then very slowly past and along the road. She has changed her route more than once when she has seen him.

He is always in the same, fairly small, area, maybe 2 miles across, or so. We have traced the vehicle to the staff car park of a local employer, so he does have a reason to be in the area, although it doesn’t really explain the frequent trips up and down the road.

There aren’t that many places my daughter can run safely although she has resorted to doing laps of a field so she doesn’t go near him.

My son went out with her today so they took her normal route, but he is faster so they were separated by a few hundred metres and the man in the car waited for my son to get past and then went back past my daughter again ( he probably wouldn’t know they were together).

I’ve bought my daughter a repellent spray to try to keep her safe as my son can’t always accompany her.

I don’t know if there’s anything I can or should do about this man. He’s never actually stopped or spoken to her, although he does stare and make her uncomfortable.

I am fairly certain that speaking to the employer would not be productive. He works for a large country estate, and judging by the car ( approx value £60k) he probably holds a fairly senior position.

We no longer have our friendly female Community Policewoman or I would have spoken to her. I did think of making a report via 101 online, but the man hasn’t actually ‘done’ anything.

I would welcome suggestions.

Why did the son run ahead does he not know that the sister is being stalked? If he stuck with her the stalker could have maybe got an idea that he is partner or something. Saying that I was in that situation once, for me it escalated to the point where the stalker knew my running routes started grabbing me from behind etc, called the police- police visited his property allegedly he wasnt in and the advice for me was- dont go for a run then. I ended up with anxiety attacks when going out because he was there nearly every time i have no idea how he knew when i left the house to this day, i moved to another city, hundreds of miles away.

Wafflesandcrepes · 03/09/2025 05:31

I honestly wouldn’t go running until this is sorted. Looks to me that he’s waiting for an opportunity or that his behaviour might suddenly escalate. I’d report to the police now.

BCBird · 03/09/2025 05:36

I would contact please and ask for advice and log this. Scaring him.off will simply.move the problem elsewhere.

SunnyDolly · 03/09/2025 05:47

Has she been using Strava for her runs? If she has, get her to stop for now - it could be that he’s following her on there and is tracking her routes / running times if she’s encountering him as often as she is. Strava is a funny one in that it’s a fab app but literally shows your running route door to door - get her to stop using it for a bit and if she goes back to it make sure it’s locked down / completely private to non-friends. There are some safety features on the app now too (sharing location, hiding the start and end of routes).

Obviously I’m making an assumption here but I’ve heard of similar happening with men stalking women on that app, so worth checking.

And agree with everyone else, absolutely report it (with some dates and times) as this is really suspicious behaviour.

Threepeaks2025 · 03/09/2025 05:50

Get her a body camera.

Is there a running club? Could she get together with a few runners to go in groups?

Maddy70 · 03/09/2025 06:03

It could just be he's having a cigarette break from work and he's bit allowed to smoke on the premises but she should report it to the police if she's concerned

stillhiding1990 · 03/09/2025 06:05

blacksax · 02/09/2025 23:59

So he is basically following and repeatedly driving slowly back & forth past someone who looks like a teenage girl.

I think the police would take quite a keen interest in that sort of behaviour.

You really think that? After the grooming scandals were minors were being assaulted and police do nothing but you think the police would be interested in a kerb crawler? I wish I had your faith.

CabbageWater · 03/09/2025 06:08

Would your son go with her, stay at her pace and take pictures of the car, so the man knows he's watched back?

LeftieRightsHoarder · 03/09/2025 06:25

Bathingforest · 02/09/2025 21:04

Men are territorial. He works there and feels entitled to drive around. She lives there also and wants to feel entitled to run as she wants. Either she takes a man with her few times to show him she is not vulnerable and alone , either she stops running or the police contacts his employer, makes a lot of fuss for things not yet proven and what else.

Show quote history

No. Stop minimising his creepy behaviour. She has the right to go out without being shadowed by a man who stares at her and makes sure she sees he is following her. His behaviour is intimidating, and men who do this often escalate to violence.

Please report this to the police, OP. Also get her to keep a record of every time she sees him. And get your son to photograph him and his car number plate.

Billybagpuss · 03/09/2025 06:28

PrincessofWells · 02/09/2025 22:53

If he's a farm manager he may be checking the fences and hedges. I used to, everyday.

But realistically how often do you do this? Genuine question I’m not being contrary. It is a reasonable idea but would you honestly do the same fences more than once a week, and surely if anything looked wrong you’d park up and get out of the car and go and have a proper look, not drive back and forth in what appears to be in sync with a loan runner at the same time on every run when she’s varying the times.

I’d also second locking down her strava, I’ve never really worried about the security on it like fb as I have barely any friends on there, but I know there have been national security issues where security guards were running with their charges and strava was telling the world where they were.

MattaGee · 03/09/2025 06:50

SunnyDolly · 03/09/2025 05:47

Has she been using Strava for her runs? If she has, get her to stop for now - it could be that he’s following her on there and is tracking her routes / running times if she’s encountering him as often as she is. Strava is a funny one in that it’s a fab app but literally shows your running route door to door - get her to stop using it for a bit and if she goes back to it make sure it’s locked down / completely private to non-friends. There are some safety features on the app now too (sharing location, hiding the start and end of routes).

Obviously I’m making an assumption here but I’ve heard of similar happening with men stalking women on that app, so worth checking.

And agree with everyone else, absolutely report it (with some dates and times) as this is really suspicious behaviour.

My dd uses Strata, are the privacy settings not safe enough? I believe she is sharing her routes only with her close friends, they're not public as far as I know.

Can anyone recommend a vest cam that doesn't look so obvious please?

Op, report this. I'd encourage my dd not to run in your situation. Frustrating I know. Could you buy a home treadmill or go to the gym for the time being?

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 03/09/2025 06:52

I'd report him to the police.

Bateson · 03/09/2025 06:53

GarlicPint · 03/09/2025 03:20

I disagree - this man creeps surreptitiously around in his car, feeling all safe in his metal box while knowingly making a young woman nervous. He hasn't got out of his vehicle yet and I don't think he would suddenly break out to have a go at her for filming him. In my view, it's more likely to make him feel he's not so safe after all and remove himself from there.

However, I wouldn't urge the young woman to do anything she feels uncomfortable about - except talk to the police and give them as much information as possible.

Show quote history

We just don’t know - and that’s where he’s winning.

Bateson · 03/09/2025 06:58

stillhiding1990 · 03/09/2025 06:05

You really think that? After the grooming scandals were minors were being assaulted and police do nothing but you think the police would be interested in a kerb crawler? I wish I had your faith.

Show quote history

It’s different in the country I suspect.

MeadowMouse · 03/09/2025 07:02

This is terrifying behaviour, and not innocent. Stalking is an offence. Definitely report to the police, and unfortunately I'd recommend her being accompanied on runs as much as possible. It would be good to get video evidence in case police don't take it seriously. I'm sorry, what an unfair situation.

Studyunder · 03/09/2025 07:07

DatingDinosaur · 02/09/2025 20:25

Could she wear a head-cam or body-cam like cyclists do?

Or get her brother to run behind her and film 'the run' on his phone?

Capture it on video then contact the Police non-emergency and ask for their advice.

This. Plus keep a log. This is already stalker behaviour. Speak to 101 asap for advice.

Look up the “jog on” campaign by Surrey police. Street harassment is taken seriously
and this situation is much more than an isolated incident.

Keepingthingsinteresting · 03/09/2025 07:24

Alicealig · 03/09/2025 04:21

Please don't arm your daughter with any kind of weapon. This only serves to give women false confidence as it'd be unlikely to be effective against your average man in a realistic situation. If the guy works nearby he has reason to be there and your daughters likely just being paranoid and over cautious. There's so much over caution these days when we live on such safe streets for women. Just reassure her that it's overwhelmingly unlikely that hes a threat and to just enjoy her jog.

Patronising and naive much?! Even if his behaviour is innocent ( though even checking hedges doesn’t need the back and forth @LumpyandBumps describes) he should be sufficiently aware that his behaviour is weird. At best he is a creep, at worse a predator and you are victim blaming. Good for you you’ve never been threatened, harassed or assaulted by a man, but our streets are not safe for women.