Man behaving oddly near my daughter

[LumpyandBumps]

Good evening,

I sometimes feel that I run too many things past the wonderful Mumsnet ‘hive’ mind, but here I am again, as I don’t know what to do.

My daughter is 21, but small stature and when wearing make up, etc could easily pass for 16.

She started running a month or so ago. She runs maybe 3 times most weeks.

A couple of weeks ago she became aware of seeing a man in a car most times she was out. He would pass her and then she would see him parked up further along the road, or he would pass her and a short while later come back having turned around and pass her again. On one occasion he drove slowly behind and then very slowly past and along the road. She has changed her route more than once when she has seen him.

He is always in the same, fairly small, area, maybe 2 miles across, or so. We have traced the vehicle to the staff car park of a local employer, so he does have a reason to be in the area, although it doesn’t really explain the frequent trips up and down the road.

There aren’t that many places my daughter can run safely although she has resorted to doing laps of a field so she doesn’t go near him.

My son went out with her today so they took her normal route, but he is faster so they were separated by a few hundred metres and the man in the car waited for my son to get past and then went back past my daughter again ( he probably wouldn’t know they were together).

I’ve bought my daughter a repellent spray to try to keep her safe as my son can’t always accompany her.

I don’t know if there’s anything I can or should do about this man. He’s never actually stopped or spoken to her, although he does stare and make her uncomfortable.

I am fairly certain that speaking to the employer would not be productive. He works for a large country estate, and judging by the car ( approx value £60k) he probably holds a fairly senior position.

We no longer have our friendly female Community Policewoman or I would have spoken to her. I did think of making a report via 101 online, but the man hasn’t actually ‘done’ anything.

I would welcome suggestions.

And by the way I have never once defended the guy the op was referring to you won't find a defence for him anywhere in my posts as that is incorrect.

Lol. As if women write things like
""Usually other women to further a negative attitude and approach to men, when we know the thing we're worrying about is all in our head"

You've been rumbled mate.

I don't think much about them and haven't given it much thought.

Off the cuff I don't think it's a bad thing for self confidence but I'm not sure the reality would really help women in real time.

Nothing at all logical about telling women that a woman being scared of a random man stalking them is in their head. That is one of the least rational perspectives I can imagine.

Why not? If someone, male or female, is well-practised, I can think of plenty of situations where they could get out the gun quick enough to deal with an assailant. In one recent case, it allowed an 85yo to protect herself from a burglar who handcuffed her to a chair.

Several recent cases..

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=news.sky.com/story/woman-85-shoots-dead-masked-intruder-while-handcuffed-to-a-chair-in-heroic-act-of-self-preservation-13112687&ved=2ahUKEwiQs6v_1MCPAxWwQkEAHUKVLdIQFnoECCEQAQ&usg=AOvVaw0F1eW3Z1QxcPaBuHKX7FVo

https://www.mystateline.com/news/local-news/woman-shoots-ex-boyfriend-3-times-in-violent-machesney-park-home-invasion-attacker-convicted/

https://eu.cincinnati.com/story/news/crime/2025/06/04/woman-who-filmed-herself-fatally-shooting-attacker-found-not-guilty/84029933007/

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=abcnews.go.com/US/okla-woman-shoots-kills-intruder911-operators-shoot/story%3Fid%3D15285605&ved=2ahUKEwiR9qvv1cCPAxVxaUEAHdkCJhE4ChAWegQINxAB&usg=AOvVaw1_LMAMUDA50vBsVGKJXaap

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=www.nytimes.com/2006/09/09/nyregion/09wheelchair.html&ved=2ahUKEwihm42D1sCPAxUgWEEAHbHYMN84ChAWegQINBAB&usg=AOvVaw3XlrMj9nYRyyMxg9iMehPA

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=www.fox10phoenix.com/news/phoenix-woman-shoots-home-intruder-pd-says&ved=2ahUKEwjt2_CT1sCPAxWAUUEAHSGrHeU4ChAWegQIMhAB&usg=AOvVaw0yCyBoMoraa_Ww9MIgO3NG

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=www.cbsnews.com/pittsburgh/news/beaver-county-home-invasion-shooting-castle-doctrine/&ved=2ahUKEwj8x7io1sCPAxWeVEEAHc3jKUw4ChAWegQIMhAB&usg=AOvVaw36N4AU927VLQxIGgf-mxRb

This is almost predatory behaviour and a) is report to police and b) buy her indoor treadmill if finances and space allow m, for the time being. It’s stalkerish and alarming. Her brother should also be keeping her safe and. It running ahead.

And yet I have met MANY women and some men who have experienced genuine stalking. Some cases ended up with convictions but many were incredibly hard to prove due to gaslighting of the victim which coincidentally was also why many were very selective as to who they spoke to about it. I remember one woman ringing police in terror because her stalker was at her door trying to break it down and shouting at her and when police arrived he was gone and they told her that she couldn't really know it was him since she didn't open the door. So they did nothing.

I think it's also worth mentioning that stalking can look like lots of different things. I was also stalked online for almost 2 years by a man who I'd been on one date with. I never went to the police because I was scared of being seen as dramatic (or paranoid suspicion) as he never made any direct threats to harm me but the daily repeated messaging, the creation of multiple online accounts to contact me etc, finding all my online platforms and contacting me repeatedly on them with multiple accounts became extremely intimidating and even now I don't let my work put my image or email/ number on our website like the rest of our team do because of this man years later. I was really glad he didn't know where i lived, could you imagine if he had? . Eventually he just stopped (I heard he got a gf) so God help her. I actually wish I had reported him thinking of what she must be going through. So you can see how your attitude is damaging to actual victims?

"That is likely why hardly any of the cases are charged let alone convicted." Actually you're incorrect, the issue has been that our laws in the UK and NI have not been robust enough in terms of stalking up to VERY recently (2020 for the UK and 2022(!) for NI). So if you're 46, then you wouldn't have seen convictions because of gaps in law. They were reformed in the past couple of years but prior to this there was quite simply not enough legal scope for police to act or courts to convict on, so often stalkers were spoken to repeatedly by police but were not able to be convicted, or if they were, it was on other charges not stalking itself as that was unenforceable so those stats are essentially missing. All of the women and the men who I know who's stalker was convicted was not actually convicted on a stalking charge but it was fully recognised by police as stalking and in those cases police worked hard to find another way to convict in order to keep the victim safe.

"If the guy works nearby he has reason to be there and your daughters likely just being paranoid and over cautious. There's so much over caution these days when we live on such safe streets for women. Just reassure her that it's overwhelmingly unlikely that hes a threat and to just enjoy her jog."

A direct quote from your first response... if this is not defending the guy then I'm not sure what is.

Well done @GarlicPint. 💐

Thank you! Definitely shows it's worth reporting creeps - you never know when yours might be the report that completes a picture for the detectives.

I just thought I would provide a brief update.

My daughter made her report online and got an automated message that she would be contacted within 24 hours.

It didn’t happen within 24 hours, but the next evening she received 3 calls between 10.15pm and 10.25pm, which she missed as she was in bed due to her early start for work next day.

We traced the number as one having a connection with our county police. She called the number back and each time got an error message ‘ the number has not been recognised’ even though she clicked on the incoming call.

Days later she has heard nothing. She’s no longer running unless she has someone with her, and is feeling fairly fed up.

I have tried to persuade her to contact the police again via 101, either online or phone, and she won’t do it.

I am disappointed with the police, they have reinforced her view that they would do nothing. I am also disappointed that she won’t pursue the matter, but I sort of understand. She found making the initial report quite hard.

I have managed to find out the man’s first name and job. A couple of male friends have offered to speak to him. It’s really up to my daughter though and at the moment she’s feeling that it’s not worth doing.

Your daughter needs to provide the persons details to the police to update her case. You can’t call police numbers back in my experience. In their defence, it’s likely been allocated to an officer but if they’re on their rest days they’ll reach out again when they’re back on shift. Unfortunately, the police work 24/7 and that means they’ll reach out sometimes at unsocial hours. I’d be surprised if they just left it at that.

If she was willing to try to call the number back, it doesn’t really make sense to me that she won’t call 101 again and pursue the matter (even though the police are obviously the ones in the wrong).

I don’t want to shift any blame onto her, but she would feel terrible if she discovered in the future that the dodgy man had attacked a different woman.

You're disappointed with the police? They called her 3 times and she didn't answer, I understand it was late at night and I wouldn't have answered at that time either but you're acting like they haven't done anything. They have attempted contact with your daughter! If she won't call them back then that's on her but it's very unfair to say its have 'reinforced her view that they would do nothing'. They have attempted to do something!

@RainbowUnicorn123In my experience that’s absolute nonsense! Do you have any idea what it’s like trying to get ANYTHING (other than heinous, sinister crimes) past the gatekeepers of the police or: the control room?! My late dad was beaten and robbed outside his taxi at 68years old. He called the police and their first question was if he had cctv evidence which he didn’t as the taxi company round here didn’t have it and so they laughed and said “Yeah I’m afraid the police won’t take that any further”
I reported my car being broken into and things stolen from locked glovebox - Didn’t even get a call back just given a crime ref number.
My purse was stolen from my bag in a shop and the entire thing was apparently caught on cctv according to the manager of the shop. Control room wouldn’t even request me a call back.
The call handlers at 101 think they’re police officers when most of the time they very much AREN’T!

They didn’t leave a message, or call her back. We only found out that number had possibly been associated with the police by a Google search of the number on a ‘who called me’ site ( and actually the only post which mentioned the county police name said it was a fake call). She still tried the number just in case.
If they had given her a way of contacting them without having to go through the process of 101 again she would have done that.
What has happened is that they left no message, so she waited to see if they would call her back. Several days went by and she is now not willing to pursue the matter.
So yes, I am disappointed in the police. They may ( and it’s not certain) have made 3 calls in the space of a few minutes, but as far as I know they have done nothing else about her complaint.

Ofc they won’t leave a voice note. Can you imagine how that would go for someone living with DV? Could be a death sentence. Given your daughter has reported stalking, and the police can’t rule out who it is (given they’ve not spoken to her), clearly they won’t leave a VN.

Persist with the Police OP. It was for a different reason but I had god's own game trying to make contact with them initially.... once I got assigned an officer, I had an email and their contact details which made life a lot easier. Don't try to make contact with the man - you could end up on the receiving end of a harassment claim too.

Surely trying again is preferable to giving up solo running forever more?

Kindly op, Your daughter needs a kick up the bum. She could: accept she can’t run alone and mope while fully acknowledging she’s barely tried to change it, or she could: get off her bum, call the police back, accept the offer from male friends or consider an alternative approach - as her mum I’d go to the company, ask to speak to senior management and explain a member of their staffs behaviour and that you’ve reported to the police but you still have a daughter who can’t run on her own anymore because she feels stalked.
or like I said, you can say there there it’s up to you go ahead and sit on your bum. There’s a life lesson here for her.

could you not do the old fashioned thing of going down the station?

No way would any child of mine be running alone EVER with this sort of fucking creep trailing them.

If this 21 year old can't be arsed to look after herself and doesn't give a shit about doing her bit to help protect the community, there's nothing more to say.
Her mother turning up at the cop shop isn't likely to help.
Can you imagine?
"And how old's your daughter, madam?"
"She's 21."
"21? Is she vulnerable due to an intellectual impairment or other disability?"
"No, but she's very small."
FGS 🙄

As @GarlicPintsays. Does your daughter give up on everything in life so quickly?

How the hell did that happen? I was posting to a Shopping thread and it ended up on here instead!

Edited for that reason. Sorry if you read it because it would seem very flippant and rude!