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Original poster

Man behaving oddly near my daughter

222 replies

LumpyandBumps · 02/09/2025 19:49

Good evening,

I sometimes feel that I run too many things past the wonderful Mumsnet ‘hive’ mind, but here I am again, as I don’t know what to do.

My daughter is 21, but small stature and when wearing make up, etc could easily pass for 16.

She started running a month or so ago. She runs maybe 3 times most weeks.

A couple of weeks ago she became aware of seeing a man in a car most times she was out. He would pass her and then she would see him parked up further along the road, or he would pass her and a short while later come back having turned around and pass her again. On one occasion he drove slowly behind and then very slowly past and along the road. She has changed her route more than once when she has seen him.

He is always in the same, fairly small, area, maybe 2 miles across, or so. We have traced the vehicle to the staff car park of a local employer, so he does have a reason to be in the area, although it doesn’t really explain the frequent trips up and down the road.

There aren’t that many places my daughter can run safely although she has resorted to doing laps of a field so she doesn’t go near him.

My son went out with her today so they took her normal route, but he is faster so they were separated by a few hundred metres and the man in the car waited for my son to get past and then went back past my daughter again ( he probably wouldn’t know they were together).

I’ve bought my daughter a repellent spray to try to keep her safe as my son can’t always accompany her.

I don’t know if there’s anything I can or should do about this man. He’s never actually stopped or spoken to her, although he does stare and make her uncomfortable.

I am fairly certain that speaking to the employer would not be productive. He works for a large country estate, and judging by the car ( approx value £60k) he probably holds a fairly senior position.

We no longer have our friendly female Community Policewoman or I would have spoken to her. I did think of making a report via 101 online, but the man hasn’t actually ‘done’ anything.

I would welcome suggestions.

OP posts:
Empress13 · 03/09/2025 07:29

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 02/09/2025 21:32

Hi OP, it's infuriating, this kind of thing.

One small thing if you can't borrow a dog / neighbour etc

When she sees him, deliberately slow. Then stop. Eyeball him. Get phone out and take a picture. Make sure he sees.

That may well make him feel skittish enough to stop.

But I would probably contact police for advice.

No don’t do this he could get violent etc if he sees her taking photos of him. We have a neighbourhood watch, people who patrol the area to keep an eye on things do you have anyone like that ? If not definitely report to police and yes get her to wear a dash cam hopefully with enough evidence they could come and have a word with him. Does he know where she lives ?

SparklingBettie · 03/09/2025 07:33

Report to the police. Only last week I heard on the news of our local police station sending female officers out to run in order to assess how bad it is for female runners and exactly how much abuse they receive during their runs.

verycloakanddaggers · 03/09/2025 07:37

Maddy70 · 03/09/2025 06:03

It could just be he's having a cigarette break from work and he's bit allowed to smoke on the premises but she should report it to the police if she's concerned

Oh come on.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
verycloakanddaggers · 03/09/2025 07:40

I was hesitant to contact the police as although she is worried by his actions he hasn’t done anything specifically threatening.

He IS doing something specifically threatening. He is stalking your daughter. Stalking is a crime.

Report him to the police every single time.

Empress13 · 03/09/2025 07:40

Empress13 · 03/09/2025 07:29

No don’t do this he could get violent etc if he sees her taking photos of him. We have a neighbourhood watch, people who patrol the area to keep an eye on things do you have anyone like that ? If not definitely report to police and yes get her to wear a dash cam hopefully with enough evidence they could come and have a word with him. Does he know where she lives ?

Show quote history

Body cam not dash cam !

hashbeef · 03/09/2025 07:57

@LumpyandBumps I don't understand your logic for not reporting this to the police:

  1. "He hasn't done anything illegal": that's not for you to decide. As far as you know he might have past history and already be known to the police.
  2. "He'll probably get away with it": Well yes, if he hasn't done anything illegal, he probably will. But if the police have a word with him, and successfully warn him off before he does anything illegal, surely that's a much better outcome than waiting for him to do something illegal? This is not just about your daughter, but also about other people who might feel threatened by him in future.

You will be able to file a report in writing and include all of your detailed evidence. Do it today.

autisticat · 03/09/2025 07:57

Police. Now. You can likely report online, which can be easier.

I recently reported something I was in 2 minds about reporting (male behaviour that pinged me as creepy), and they couldn’t have been better. They were very supportive of my having reported it. And that was “just” a one-off.

WarmWasabi · 03/09/2025 07:59

Tollington · 02/09/2025 20:15

If this was my DD I think I’d go out in the car and when he’s pulled over ask him why he keeps driving past and turning round and that his reg has been given to the police. Once he knows you’re on to him he will hopefully disappear

I’d do this too. Act a little batshit and he’ll back off. Report him to the police too.

Noshadelamp · 03/09/2025 08:12

Her brother needs to run beside her, and she needs to wear an obvious body cam or even carry a selfie with a camera.
Both these things will send a message to the disgusting man that his actions have been noticed and that your DD is not accepting them.
And obviously contact the police.

womendeserveprivacy · 03/09/2025 08:12

LumpyandBumps · 02/09/2025 19:49

Good evening,

I sometimes feel that I run too many things past the wonderful Mumsnet ‘hive’ mind, but here I am again, as I don’t know what to do.

My daughter is 21, but small stature and when wearing make up, etc could easily pass for 16.

She started running a month or so ago. She runs maybe 3 times most weeks.

A couple of weeks ago she became aware of seeing a man in a car most times she was out. He would pass her and then she would see him parked up further along the road, or he would pass her and a short while later come back having turned around and pass her again. On one occasion he drove slowly behind and then very slowly past and along the road. She has changed her route more than once when she has seen him.

He is always in the same, fairly small, area, maybe 2 miles across, or so. We have traced the vehicle to the staff car park of a local employer, so he does have a reason to be in the area, although it doesn’t really explain the frequent trips up and down the road.

There aren’t that many places my daughter can run safely although she has resorted to doing laps of a field so she doesn’t go near him.

My son went out with her today so they took her normal route, but he is faster so they were separated by a few hundred metres and the man in the car waited for my son to get past and then went back past my daughter again ( he probably wouldn’t know they were together).

I’ve bought my daughter a repellent spray to try to keep her safe as my son can’t always accompany her.

I don’t know if there’s anything I can or should do about this man. He’s never actually stopped or spoken to her, although he does stare and make her uncomfortable.

I am fairly certain that speaking to the employer would not be productive. He works for a large country estate, and judging by the car ( approx value £60k) he probably holds a fairly senior position.

We no longer have our friendly female Community Policewoman or I would have spoken to her. I did think of making a report via 101 online, but the man hasn’t actually ‘done’ anything.

I would welcome suggestions.

Set him up

EnjoythemoneyJane · 03/09/2025 08:18

Alicealig · 03/09/2025 04:21

Please don't arm your daughter with any kind of weapon. This only serves to give women false confidence as it'd be unlikely to be effective against your average man in a realistic situation. If the guy works nearby he has reason to be there and your daughters likely just being paranoid and over cautious. There's so much over caution these days when we live on such safe streets for women. Just reassure her that it's overwhelmingly unlikely that hes a threat and to just enjoy her jog.

It’s taken decades of education and awareness for women to begin trusting their instincts in situations like this. Most of us are busy trying to unlearn female socialistion which requires us to minimise and explain away the predatory behaviour of men in order not to ‘make a fuss’ or embarrass ourselves. We’re also trying to teach our daughters to know themselves better and have faith in their own judgement, rather than second-guessing their instincts and assuming it’s ’all in their head’.

Your advice is shameful. Really. Have a fucking word with yourself.

AzurePanda · 03/09/2025 08:22

This is so sickening. Men have no idea what a dark cloud many of them represent over women’s lives in terms of freedom and security. I would definitely log it all and report it to the police.

nomas · 03/09/2025 08:23

LumpyandBumps · 02/09/2025 20:33

I know that my DH would have done this, but he had an incredible way of speaking to people and getting his point across without being aggressive.
I am angry and frightened for my daughter and don’t think I’d handle the conversation well. I could ask someone to come with me and help I suppose.

Show quote history

You really don’t need ‘an incredible way of speaking to people’. I don’t know why people put people on these pedestals.

I would go out with dd, record this man whilst you’re talking to him and tell him that you will be sending the video to police for information purposes due to his continual driving near dd.

At the same time, do report to police.

chasingpavementsnotpayments · 03/09/2025 08:25

Reversetail · 02/09/2025 20:01

Report to the police this is very concerning behavior and I am sure they will take it seriously.

This!

It was in the news recently with female police officers going out running in plain clothes to catch offenders

www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cz0y8r141pxo

nomas · 03/09/2025 08:26

Alicealig · 03/09/2025 04:21

Please don't arm your daughter with any kind of weapon. This only serves to give women false confidence as it'd be unlikely to be effective against your average man in a realistic situation. If the guy works nearby he has reason to be there and your daughters likely just being paranoid and over cautious. There's so much over caution these days when we live on such safe streets for women. Just reassure her that it's overwhelmingly unlikely that hes a threat and to just enjoy her jog.

Even if he has no intention of doing anything other than repeatedly pass the dd and stare at her, what he is doing is harassment and guaranteed to ensure that the dd can’t simply ‘enjoy her jog’.

He needs to be moved along.

WaltzingWaters · 03/09/2025 08:26

Alicealig · 03/09/2025 04:21

Please don't arm your daughter with any kind of weapon. This only serves to give women false confidence as it'd be unlikely to be effective against your average man in a realistic situation. If the guy works nearby he has reason to be there and your daughters likely just being paranoid and over cautious. There's so much over caution these days when we live on such safe streets for women. Just reassure her that it's overwhelmingly unlikely that hes a threat and to just enjoy her jog.

Our streets unfortunately are most definitely not “safe streets for women”. Many women get harassed, assaulted, and/or in worst case scenarios, murdered daily whilst going about their daily business. I do agree though that often sprays, weapons and alarms can give a false sense of security and are actually very difficult to access and use if taken by surprise.

This is definitely very concerning behaviour and she should be very aware and cautious of him, and report him to the police.

I know she absolutely shouldn’t have to, but are you/is she able to get a treadmill for her to run at home instead when her brother can’t go with her? I’d be especially cautious as winter creeps in and it gets dark earlier.

PigletSanders · 03/09/2025 08:26

LumpyandBumps · 02/09/2025 23:08

I am certainly not making excuses for his behaviour.
I am angry that his behaviour has caused my daughter such distress but in all likelihood he will get away with it and carry on unaffected, whereas she will still be worried.
Getting video evidence might could prove useful, although neither of us want her to run alone in future.

Show quote history

It’s good to have it on file though, just in case he escalates.

Also buy her a body-worn camera. Sadly, I never run without mine on now. It’s got a 180 degree lens, bit like a Ring, and is stabilised. You can get them from Amazon and they’re small.

I also personally run with an illegal police-issue weapon due to things that have happened to me. I’m aware I’d be probably and wrongly be in more trouble than my attacker, but I feel a lot safer.

Go out in the car and wait on her route and get a clear photo of him and his vehicle to give to the police.

user1476613140 · 03/09/2025 08:27

He's using intimidation tactics so it should be reported.

PassTheLemonDrizzle · 03/09/2025 08:27

LumpyandBumps · 02/09/2025 20:10

Thanks for the replies so far.

Yes, my son could have stayed closer, although he was close enough to help if necessary and did turn round when he saw the car pull out. He can’t run with her all the time though.

I was hesitant to contact the police as although she is worried by his actions he hasn’t done anything specifically threatening.

Repeatedly following a lone woman is threatening and constitutes harassment. Please contact the police — they will take it seriously. Sadly, it’s unlikely to be his first time doing something like this.

nomas · 03/09/2025 08:27

LumpyandBumps · 02/09/2025 21:51

Out of curiosity what type of work does he do without being too outing ? Just thinking incase he works with vulnerable people or is in a potential position of power over others there might be a safeguarding risk there as well which is why I'm asking.

He works on a large country estate with all sorts of employees. I don’t know his role. I am not aware of any vulnerable people working there, but I can only assume from his car, which may or may not be a company vehicle, that he is in a fairly senior position.

It may not be his car, he could have access to a company car that he uses to drive around the estate.

PigletSanders · 03/09/2025 08:28

Alicealig · 03/09/2025 04:21

Please don't arm your daughter with any kind of weapon. This only serves to give women false confidence as it'd be unlikely to be effective against your average man in a realistic situation. If the guy works nearby he has reason to be there and your daughters likely just being paranoid and over cautious. There's so much over caution these days when we live on such safe streets for women. Just reassure her that it's overwhelmingly unlikely that hes a threat and to just enjoy her jog.

What a ludicrous post. I suspect this is a man.

(And have just looked at their concerning and inflammatory posting history…)

AInightingale · 03/09/2025 08:28

There is a police force somewhere, can't remember where, which is sending out policewomen as decoys to try and address this behaviour towards female runners. Wouldn't be a bad idea in this case!

mamagogo1 · 03/09/2025 08:30

Sounds creepy but it’s all very circumstantial, if you live in a small community you do keep passing the same people day in day out, same guy sitting in his car everyday as I pass in the evening, he’s security for a local company on his “lunch break” which falls at 11pm, I know this because I asked him one day when I saw him in local pub. The best thing to do is to log the situation with 101 or online as they could be known to police and this is the final piece of a jigsaw, but also remembering it could be innocent

lovelydayIhave · 03/09/2025 08:31

LumpyandBumps · 02/09/2025 20:10

Thanks for the replies so far.

Yes, my son could have stayed closer, although he was close enough to help if necessary and did turn round when he saw the car pull out. He can’t run with her all the time though.

I was hesitant to contact the police as although she is worried by his actions he hasn’t done anything specifically threatening.

Definitely contact the police- don’t wait until anything happens, that would be too late.
Couldn’t she go to run to the gym on the treadmill??

TallulahBetty · 03/09/2025 08:32

Alicealig · 03/09/2025 04:21

Please don't arm your daughter with any kind of weapon. This only serves to give women false confidence as it'd be unlikely to be effective against your average man in a realistic situation. If the guy works nearby he has reason to be there and your daughters likely just being paranoid and over cautious. There's so much over caution these days when we live on such safe streets for women. Just reassure her that it's overwhelmingly unlikely that hes a threat and to just enjoy her jog.

Found the man. Or the pick-me woman.

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