Man behaving oddly near my daughter

[LumpyandBumps]

Good evening,

I sometimes feel that I run too many things past the wonderful Mumsnet ‘hive’ mind, but here I am again, as I don’t know what to do.

My daughter is 21, but small stature and when wearing make up, etc could easily pass for 16.

She started running a month or so ago. She runs maybe 3 times most weeks.

A couple of weeks ago she became aware of seeing a man in a car most times she was out. He would pass her and then she would see him parked up further along the road, or he would pass her and a short while later come back having turned around and pass her again. On one occasion he drove slowly behind and then very slowly past and along the road. She has changed her route more than once when she has seen him.

He is always in the same, fairly small, area, maybe 2 miles across, or so. We have traced the vehicle to the staff car park of a local employer, so he does have a reason to be in the area, although it doesn’t really explain the frequent trips up and down the road.

There aren’t that many places my daughter can run safely although she has resorted to doing laps of a field so she doesn’t go near him.

My son went out with her today so they took her normal route, but he is faster so they were separated by a few hundred metres and the man in the car waited for my son to get past and then went back past my daughter again ( he probably wouldn’t know they were together).

I’ve bought my daughter a repellent spray to try to keep her safe as my son can’t always accompany her.

I don’t know if there’s anything I can or should do about this man. He’s never actually stopped or spoken to her, although he does stare and make her uncomfortable.

I am fairly certain that speaking to the employer would not be productive. He works for a large country estate, and judging by the car ( approx value £60k) he probably holds a fairly senior position.

We no longer have our friendly female Community Policewoman or I would have spoken to her. I did think of making a report via 101 online, but the man hasn’t actually ‘done’ anything.

I would welcome suggestions.

I would report it to the Police. And in all seriousness I would stop her running that route at all at the moment. She needs to run elsewhere, or at the gym for the short term. Has he followed her home that she knows of?

I agree she's right to take this seriously. If it's enough she's noticed him then her gut instinct is probably nudging her for a reason.

She's right to take the reg and report to 101. Even if he hasn't done anything he could have prior behaviour that this adds a puzzle picture to. Changing routes and running times and not running alone is going to be important as much as she really shouldn't have to do any of that. Good personal security and home security as well. Has she noticed the car around her home if she runs from home etc? I'd be inclined to get a ring doorbell and a dashcam for her car so if he (god forbid) is lurking she can record it and also know who's at the door etc before she opens it.

I've done this on behalf of vulnerable young people in the community before after noticing cars circling and the police were great, took it seriously and actually one of the cars was flagged then to us as a concern and they asked us to ring any time it was seen nearby. So they really shouldn't think this is OTT etc. It will help if she can log any time it happens, where and the time etc they might be able to look at cctv in the area.

Out of curiosity what type of work does he do without being too outing ? Just thinking incase he works with vulnerable people or is in a potential position of power over others there might be a safeguarding risk there as well which is why I'm asking.

Bodycam is a great idea

Get her a camera vest so she can collect evidence of him doing this as there's probably not a lot the police can do since he has reason to be in the area at that time.

Make sure she has the location on her phone on, and set up the emergency settings so she can easily call you, and put one of those small cans of deep heat in her pocket to spray in the fuckers eyes if he goes near her.

Is it feasible to have someone run with her every day?

Hi OP, it's infuriating, this kind of thing.

One small thing if you can't borrow a dog / neighbour etc

When she sees him, deliberately slow. Then stop. Eyeball him. Get phone out and take a picture. Make sure he sees.

That may well make him feel skittish enough to stop.

But I would probably contact police for advice.

Out of curiosity what type of work does he do without being too outing ? Just thinking incase he works with vulnerable people or is in a potential position of power over others there might be a safeguarding risk there as well which is why I'm asking.

He works on a large country estate with all sorts of employees. I don’t know his role. I am not aware of any vulnerable people working there, but I can only assume from his car, which may or may not be a company vehicle, that he is in a fairly senior position.

Definitely contact the police. They might not be able to do anything yet but make them aware.
There’s a chance that he’s been reported before.

Thanks to everyone who has replied.

She will not be running that route again unless accompanied.

If she wants to complete the distances involved she has little option but to run on some roads. As he has a vehicle he may be able to locate her wherever she runs, although she intends vary the timings as well.

We are in a village in a rural area so although a camera could record him it’s unlikely that anyone would be close enough to respond to an alarm, although just the noise may be enough.

We are both quite angry that he has put her in this position, and although she does now feel she wants to report the matter to the police he will probably be able to easily deflect her concerns whilst she will be continually looking over her shoulder.

Sorry duplicate post

"she does now feel she wants to report the matter to the police"

Good. Support her 100% with this. It may or may not come to anything but you'd never forgive yourself if something happened and you'd persuaded her not to just because "he will probably be able to easily deflect her concerns".

He might have legitimate reason to be in the area but what's his legitimate reason for driving past your daughter then back again for another look? If he was simply going to and from work he would just pass her in one direction and that would be that.

If she can get video evidence of him doing this the Police will take notice. Please take her seriously and stop making excuses for his creepy behaviour.

You need to report to the police. He may have done it before. It's not normal behaviour and is threatening.

If he's a farm manager he may be checking the fences and hedges. I used to, everyday.

We have thought of this, and although it’s difficult to determine the precise perimeters of their land at least one of the places he parked and watched her belongs to another farm.

Being kerb crawled is very unnerving/scary, she should definitely report to police.

I am certainly not making excuses for his behaviour.
I am angry that his behaviour has caused my daughter such distress but in all likelihood he will get away with it and carry on unaffected, whereas she will still be worried.
Getting video evidence might could prove useful, although neither of us want her to run alone in future.

Whether ‘in all likelihood he will get away with it and carry on unaffected’ or not isn’t the point.
As the wife of a police officer, something I hear often is. One of the gripes many officers have with the public is that people don’t/wont report things, due to preconceived opinions that the police wont do anything. Yet if it’s not reported how are they to know about a crime or potential crime??
A lot of the time they don’t do anything because it’s hasn’t been reported & they’re unaware - similar to the quote ‘If it’s not documented it didn’t happen’
Things need to be reported to be acted upon.

Your daughter could be one of multiple women/young girls he may be doing this too. Even if it’s just contacting the police for advice and not to report anything it’s alerting them to a local problem/ potential crime.
Unwanted, repeated attention /actions that cause another person to feel scared, distressed or threatened comes under stalking and harassment.
It’s not always about the perpetrator’s intentions rather can often be how someone can feel because of their behaviour. - He may be doing something rather innocent or he could be watching her to get an idea of her patterns, times and running routes.
Hopefully it’s not the latter, As the mother of two daughters I wouldn’t take the chance
Maybe a talk from a police officer alerting him to his behaviours and how they can be perceived may be enough or a warning/deterrent.

at least it will be on file-how do you knwo someone else hasnt reported him for smilar they can then biuld a case

So he is basically following and repeatedly driving slowly back & forth past someone who looks like a teenage girl.

I think the police would take quite a keen interest in that sort of behaviour.

Don't be afraid of him - he's behaving badly and his behaviour's causing her to feel scared, distressed or threatened. Image from Police UK. He is in the wrong. He must be stopped.

Great replies from @Lavender14 and @RainbowUnicorn123, among others. Do call the police about him. I'd also suggest DD videos him, letting him see that she is doing so. She may feel more confident doing it while DS is with her, but I think she's the one who should be holding the phone.

In support of those saying you should always report because you don't know what else the police know abut the person: my information once helped to catch a serial rapist. They didn't get him that night, probably because I made sure he saw me calling the cops - they were in my street before I'd put the phone down! I thought I was just dong my civic duty while scaring a creep away but, as it turned out, he'd been outsmarting them for over a year. Knowing he was in my street that night was the final clue to his movements. He got 30 years.

OOPs, this image.

I wouldn’t want him to see my daughter filming him - if he is up to no good, it may be inflammatory. If he’s done enough to alarm her, he needs speaking to.

Isn’t this both stalking and harassment?

I disagree - this man creeps surreptitiously around in his car, feeling all safe in his metal box while knowingly making a young woman nervous. He hasn't got out of his vehicle yet and I don't think he would suddenly break out to have a go at her for filming him. In my view, it's more likely to make him feel he's not so safe after all and remove himself from there.

However, I wouldn't urge the young woman to do anything she feels uncomfortable about - except talk to the police and give them as much information as possible.

PLEASE get video and report ASAP. I was listening to a Dateline podcast last month, and when investigating a young woman's disappearance while on a daily run, the police found camera footage from several businesses that showed the killer following her and passing her multiple times in the week before she was grabbed and murdered.

He's creepy and scary. He knows he's having that effect on your daughter. Let him explain himself to the police.

Yes I was coming to say similar, some estate employees have legitimate reasons to be off site for periods of the day, could be other monitoring needs.

What time is your daughter running? Could she vary the times and route being less predictable is always good regardless of this man.

There is no harm in reporting to the Police regardless, there may be others also reporting similar etc.