Man behaving oddly near my daughter

[LumpyandBumps]

Good evening,

I sometimes feel that I run too many things past the wonderful Mumsnet ‘hive’ mind, but here I am again, as I don’t know what to do.

My daughter is 21, but small stature and when wearing make up, etc could easily pass for 16.

She started running a month or so ago. She runs maybe 3 times most weeks.

A couple of weeks ago she became aware of seeing a man in a car most times she was out. He would pass her and then she would see him parked up further along the road, or he would pass her and a short while later come back having turned around and pass her again. On one occasion he drove slowly behind and then very slowly past and along the road. She has changed her route more than once when she has seen him.

He is always in the same, fairly small, area, maybe 2 miles across, or so. We have traced the vehicle to the staff car park of a local employer, so he does have a reason to be in the area, although it doesn’t really explain the frequent trips up and down the road.

There aren’t that many places my daughter can run safely although she has resorted to doing laps of a field so she doesn’t go near him.

My son went out with her today so they took her normal route, but he is faster so they were separated by a few hundred metres and the man in the car waited for my son to get past and then went back past my daughter again ( he probably wouldn’t know they were together).

I’ve bought my daughter a repellent spray to try to keep her safe as my son can’t always accompany her.

I don’t know if there’s anything I can or should do about this man. He’s never actually stopped or spoken to her, although he does stare and make her uncomfortable.

I am fairly certain that speaking to the employer would not be productive. He works for a large country estate, and judging by the car ( approx value £60k) he probably holds a fairly senior position.

We no longer have our friendly female Community Policewoman or I would have spoken to her. I did think of making a report via 101 online, but the man hasn’t actually ‘done’ anything.

I would welcome suggestions.

Do you live in Malvern. We have had a lot of incidents recently of a man following different women in his car.

I would contact Paladin/Suzy Lamplugh Trust for advice OP, don't rely on the police taking it seriously, they 100% should but often don't.

Not the same, but I was followed by an older woman in a jeep with blonde or grey curly hair, in a village, as I drove to work every morning.
Only in the morning.

Obviously if you drive the same way everyday, in a smallish village you are going to see the same people, but I just thought it was odd, as she would turn and follow me, as soon as my car went past hers.

I did think I was imagining it, but then started parking, at the side of the road near parked cars, so that I didn’t see her, or go past her. I needed to know if she was following me, or if I was imagining it

I worked in a doctors surgery, but upstairs, out of sight of everyone, so I didn’t know her, or see her there, but she could have been a patient, if she lived in the village.

I was in a car, so obviously not as vulnerable as OP’s daughter, but I was in my early twenties.

Anyway this went on, with me taking odd turns in the village, to try and avoid her, until one morning, as I parked near the doctors surgery, she tore round the corner and nearly ran me over.

One of my colleagues saw this, and I think I explained about this odd woman following me for weeks, only on a morning.

And that was it. Nothing more, and the temporary job ended after maybe 6 months.

But I wish I’d reported her, and got some explanation.
I would advise your daughter to report as much as she can, including the number plate.

Mine could have been a man in a wig, i never thought of that years ago, just that she was an odd older lady.

God just contact the Police! Why are you worried about seniority? You'll be worried he's a policeman next 🙄

Agree with taking a scary bloke. Any time I’ve had an issue like this I get my dad to come and help me. He’s tall which is great but he also looks like he’s just come out of prison which is also a plus.

This. People don't like having their photo taken

I would report to the police, mainly so if it escalates there is a record of how long it has been going on. Speak to your neighbours, maybe ask their advice and see if they volunteer to come with you.

Does she run with her phone and can you see her location on it? The other thing, and I hate to suggest it, would be putting an AirTag in her shoe or somewhere hidden in case of absolute worst case. The chances of that are minimal though and so far he’s just being an annoying dick.

DH runs with our DD and even with her own fucking father present she gets cat called and shouted at and DH is not a pushover. It gave my husband the shock of his life to see how disgusting his sex are towards young women.

Confront this man and ask him why he’s always there? Say he’s making your daughter feel very uncomfortable and to stop.

This. If by any chance it’s all innocent, being told your daughter is made anxious by his behaviour would be enough to make any decent man stop and change his behaviour. If he continues after being told, you'll know there’s a real problem and should definitely contact the police.

Another thought: Could she or your son also very obviously take photos of his car? If he sees that happening it might make him think again.

There are lots of privacy settings but you do need to set them up yourself. Make sure her profile is private, she can set up to hide her start and end points and she can also share her location when she heads out (mine sends a text to my husband)

Get your son to approach him when he’s pulled over.

“Hello mate. Look I know my sister is probably being over sensitive but these days you can’t be too careful can you? I’m just going to jot down your number plate, just to make her feel better. That’s ok isn’t it, you won’t mind will you? You know what it’s like for women these days”

I know you live in a village, but are there any martial arts classes within reach? Knowing and regularly practicing a martial arts is the best way of ensuring that she can physically escape if it came to that.

Body cam is a great idea. Definitely report to the police with his number plate. They need to build up a picture in case things escalate.

Report it via 101

This. Son didn’t fulfil his end at all. He should run beside her, point at the car, take photos / video and report to police. Why did he run off ahead? To give the creep a chance? No way in hell would I let that happen!!

Is she running on land/roads belonging to the estate or is she running on 'adopted' roads. Iwhen you say she ran laps of a field. Do you mean a farmer's field?

No advice to give other than what's been mentioned above, but feel so angry for you and your daughter that this sort of thing is still going on in 2025. It used to happen a lot to me walking home from school in my uniform in the 70s, weirdos in white vans (why did it always seem to be a white van) driving past slowly then turning round and doing it again! Made me nervous about walking home. Your poor daughter should be able to run freely without this fear! Maybe if your son could do a few runs next to her as well as his own another time it would help but it's a shame it has to be this way

He is stalking her!!
That warrants a report to the police (whether they’ll do something or not is a different matter)

This. What’s the point if he is 100m ahead of her?

Yes and regardless of her age it’s intimidation. I would absolutely contact the police and I would want to know what they were going to do about it. Who knows what this man’s next move might be.

Definitely vary the time and route for a bit and document if he appears. Harder to say its a coincidence if its different times of the day and locations. Worth having his description too so he can't deny being the driver.

I'm not surprised she's unnerved by it.

He's stalking her. You and your son should video him a few times then take the evidence to the police. They will nothing without evidence but with it they may at least have a word and he knows if he attempts anything he is the prime suspect.

The issue with this is that he hasn’t been reported and will likely soon find another woman to follow. He needs to know his cards are marked.