Man behaving oddly near my daughter

[LumpyandBumps]

Good evening,

I sometimes feel that I run too many things past the wonderful Mumsnet ‘hive’ mind, but here I am again, as I don’t know what to do.

My daughter is 21, but small stature and when wearing make up, etc could easily pass for 16.

She started running a month or so ago. She runs maybe 3 times most weeks.

A couple of weeks ago she became aware of seeing a man in a car most times she was out. He would pass her and then she would see him parked up further along the road, or he would pass her and a short while later come back having turned around and pass her again. On one occasion he drove slowly behind and then very slowly past and along the road. She has changed her route more than once when she has seen him.

He is always in the same, fairly small, area, maybe 2 miles across, or so. We have traced the vehicle to the staff car park of a local employer, so he does have a reason to be in the area, although it doesn’t really explain the frequent trips up and down the road.

There aren’t that many places my daughter can run safely although she has resorted to doing laps of a field so she doesn’t go near him.

My son went out with her today so they took her normal route, but he is faster so they were separated by a few hundred metres and the man in the car waited for my son to get past and then went back past my daughter again ( he probably wouldn’t know they were together).

I’ve bought my daughter a repellent spray to try to keep her safe as my son can’t always accompany her.

I don’t know if there’s anything I can or should do about this man. He’s never actually stopped or spoken to her, although he does stare and make her uncomfortable.

I am fairly certain that speaking to the employer would not be productive. He works for a large country estate, and judging by the car ( approx value £60k) he probably holds a fairly senior position.

We no longer have our friendly female Community Policewoman or I would have spoken to her. I did think of making a report via 101 online, but the man hasn’t actually ‘done’ anything.

I would welcome suggestions.

Any woman who has experience of being followed strangely can't just minimise what they've went through. 🤔

Alarmist🙄 .....the OP is calling it out for what it is.

What do you think of the US concealed carry laws that help a lot of women defend themselves?

LOL ok then.

As far as I can tell, this is stalking her, which is a criminal offence, punishable with 6 months in prison.

This is the relevant legislation, with my emphasis.

He is following her, loitering near her and watching or spying on her. Call the police. It is not an overreaction.

https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2012/9/part/7/crossheading/stalking

3)The following are examples of acts or omissions which, in particular circumstances, are ones associated with stalking—
(a)following a person,
(b)contacting, or attempting to contact, a person by any means,
(c)publishing any statement or other material—
(i)relating or purporting to relate to a person, or
(ii)purporting to originate from a person,
(d)monitoring the use by a person of the internet, email or any other form of electronic communication,
(e)loitering in any place (whether public or private),
(f)interfering with any property in the possession of a person,
(g)watching or spying on a person.

(4)A person guilty of an offence under this section is liable on summary conviction to imprisonment for a term not exceeding 51 weeks, or a fine not exceeding level 5 on the standard scale, or both.
(5)In relation to an offence committed before the commencement of section 281(5) of the Criminal Justice Act 2003, the reference in subsection (4) to 51 weeks is to be read as a reference to six months.

Unfortunately you can't count on facts and numbers when it comes to this sort of thing. Many of us found ourselves at the unlucky end of the statistics, which made us understand that terrible things can happen anyone. Including you. Even if you are a man.

At exactly the time when schools are back and there are teenage girls walking around in the streets quite a lot, I suspect they would be interested in a potential pervert who is following teenagers, yes.

You can't mix the two scenarios really.

Whoah..........

Do you actually live in this world? You're telling a young woman to ignore a stalker, ignore her instincts and enjoy her jog??

Please tell me you don't have daughters?
You're actually giving dangerous advice..

I don't believe that's dangerous advice. Have you read the OP? There's nothing to suggest that this man is a stalker or that he's committed any sort of offence whatsoever. The fact that someone sees him regularly while out on a jog is no evidence of anything. It's not as if this guy knows when she goes out and he works in the area. I stand by my first comment, that based on OPs post it definitely sounds like paranoia is getting the better of her. After all looking back at nearly all of these similar scenarios the chance that someone could actually be in danger is about as close to 0 as its possible to get despite the usual overzealous posters who see all members of the opposite sex as an alien race and predators.

"The chance that someone could actually be in danger is about as close to 0 as its possible to get"

Can you please break down for me how you've got to this statistic of "as close to 0 as its possible to get" in light of the actually verified uk specific statistics I provided which would suggest the risk is not almost zero?

"It's not as if this guy knows when she goes out and he works in the area"

Did you read all the posts. Ops dd has been running at regular times up to now so actually given he's in the area he would know when she runs which is why she's now had to alternate her timings.

"The fact that someone sees him regularly while out on a jog"

But the issue isn't that he simply drove past. It's that he's circled back around ops dd repeatedly, slowed the car to watch her out the window. Repeatedly. Who tf do you know that drives like that? The issue isn't him simply operating a car in the area its the manner in which he's doing it which is absolutely suspicious.

Words fail me. Can't even converse with you. Bye and good luck.

Well even if you said it was a 1% chance it's still no where near that high. However close to half of all women fear going out at night. It's not controversial to say that we have a huge overreaction to the fear felt when going anywhere by ourselves. Plus any violent attack is more likely to happen by someone known to the victim. It can be scary but when I think about it deep down, whenever my fear gets the better of me I know it likely wouldn't be as bad if I hadn't watched X, Y or Z Hollywood horror movie or the latest ITV drama series and didn't put that stuff in my head in place of the reality. I do honestly believe that much of this is unnecessary worrying that's spurned on by people, usually other women to further a negative attitude and approach to men, when we know the thing we're worrying about is all in our head. I'm guilty of it too. The sometimes being a bit unnecessarily scared. It's silly, and doesn't make logical sense so usually snap myself out of it.

I wonder do the guy knows know you are thinking he's a stalker. If this is a truly rural community, you must know him

Report this to the police, he probably does it to other women too .

@alicealig

"Usually other women to further a negative attitude and approach to men, when we know the thing we're worrying about is all in our head"

I'm not sure where you're getting this line of thinking from. I don't know any women who have any interest in creating a negative dialogue around men simply to "get at" men. I know many women who are concerned about the safety and violence perpetrated against women which we know statistically is predominantly perpetrated by men.

I also am not understanding your logic of 1%. If 1 in 5 of all women in UK are victims of stalking then that puts the percentage at closer to 20% than 1%.

Yes most victims know their abusers but in a small community like the one op lives in that's relative its also not always the case that its someone in the family or romantically involved. I know a number of people (women and men) who have been victims of stalking from someone they knew but only from meeting once in passing or from seeing around their community without actually speaking to them. It's often also down to opportunity of access to a victim in a place of privacy as opposed to lack of intent to harm. I'm not sure why you're rushing so quickly to defend this guy when you know harmful men are out there. Even if the chances are likely why would you take a risk?

Thank you for lots of great advice.

My daughter has reported the matter to the Police online and is waiting for a call back.

We have no way of knowing if this man is making other women uncomfortable, and we took on board comments about there being nothing that can be done if no one reports such issues.

If he has innocent reasons for his actions when the police contact him then there is no harm done. I appreciate it might make him uncomfortable, but not likely to be nearly so much as the discomfort he has caused my daughter.

If his actions are not innocent he will at least know that he has been been noticed.

Well done to your daughter, brave lass.
She's done the right thing

It does sound very worrying like he is considering targeting her. I would suggest her downloading an app such as bSafe on her phone. There are several options (see link below).

You can buy a chest strap harness that turns your mobile phone into a body cam and she could wear the phone whilst running and with bSafe you can voice activate to start recording as well as link to family who can track your location/route. Other apps have different ways to activate like pressing a preset button. Android phones also have emergency SOS features in the settings too that can alert family of your location.

https://voiceoutwoman.org.uk/blog/f/5-must-have-personal-safety-apps-for-women

That's a good start OP, hope the police are helpful. Don't forget you can get advice and support from Paladin or the Suzy Lamplugh Trust too.

If he has innocent reasons for his actions, I Do Not Care, and nor should he if he’s a decent man. Whatever those reasons there is no possible reason they must tally with your daughters run times, and he can change them. I highly doubt they are innocent. They may not be actually rape and murder but they sure are I’ll just slow down to watch this girl running again, and it’s stalker pervert behaviour.

The 1 in 5 women who have been a victim of a stalker is nonsense. I'm 43 years old and I've never met ANYONE who has ever had an actual case of being stalked beyond a perceived paranoid suspicion. That is likely why hardly any of the cases are charged let alone convicted. My heart goes out to the genuine women that get stalked as the sheer number of non-incidences must make it that much harder when dealing with genuine cases.

Tthink yourself and the people you know, as very lucky but don't discount the genuine fears of others.
Just because you've never met ANYONE doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

You seem to be of the mindset "I'm alright Jack"
One day you may not be.....

Hang on, I'm usually first to discount others fears, as it's I basic fact that the majority of them are silly nonsense. I don't doubt for a second anyone with the misfortune of having to go through this and I believe it's those maladjusted women with irrational fears that make it so much more difficult for the genuine women who go through this.

Men masquerade as women online all the time to push their agenda don't forget.

What you've quoted at the top of your post, do you think a woman wrote that? I don't.

What a bizarre thing to assume that women can't have logical thoughts or opinions. I certainly find myself agreeing with men more often on the whole, but to gaslight and hint at a sex difference based on opinion is desperate and shows a very stumped mentality.