I HATE my 4 year old, I dont want to look after him anymore, I have given up parenting him.

[13MAPARTHELL]

I cannot stand my 4 year old,
he has been referred twice and they have not continued due to nursery. He is an angel for others, he does not like me clearly and I dont like him. He is extremely difficult, ruins single handedly every day out, every trip to the park, every activity. It is near on impossible to manage, it’s extremely difficult to have a job, he is naughty on purpose, and im not joking he pushes every boundary, repeatedly. He is a huge wind up, he hates everyone, he hates his brother, he hates me.

i let him do what he wants now, I’ve completely signed off mentally, and physically because I am struggling to find love for him right now, i really am.

i am finding myself saying some not nice things, because nothing makes an impact.

i just feel like I dont want to be around him at all.

Well please seek help and support urgently. You’re causing untold damage with this attitude. Some children are difficult, some have undiagnosed needs. I accept that you’re being honest on an anonymous forum, but it’s quite shocking to read.

there is literally nothing I can do, they wont proceed with referrals? Im just venting.

Does he have no redeeming features whatsoever?? Of course he does, he’s 4. Where’s his dad?

I also think you need to seek help. When did you start to feel this way?

Yes of course he does, when hes dad is there or anyone else, when its just me, he takes advantage of this and plays up because he knows im outnumbered.

He sounds exactly like every other 4 year old. Are you really burnt out? Sorry you are finding so hard, I agree you should ask for help.

Who have you asked for support? Is it via school and GP? I think the next step would be contacting the school nurses or social services to ask for early help.

He is still tiny- he is trying to communicate something to you and it sounds like you need a lot of support to manage this.

is his dad around? If so, what is their relationship like?

He's clearly not like other four year olds or he wouldn't have had two referrals? I'm sorry you're struggling OP, you need to tell your GP how you're feeling.

Please seek some help urgently. Do not take no for an answer. You will be causing serious and lasting emotional harm to the child with this attitude towards them. As an adult you need to be resilient - they are just a child.

I am totally burnt out, im going to go back to work full time because of it, because I cant deal with it, we have been down many avenues, seeked help where we can, been met with nothing but barriers, hes 4 and very violent my 3 year old is TERRIFIED

I think pp mean help for you.
It could be that he is masking in other environments which is why nursery do not have any problems with him at the moment.
Either way you're clearly at the fnd of your tether and need some support. How long have you felt this way?

I have seeked help, and its lead to nowhere, there is no help for me.

What goes he do that terrifies your 3 year old ?

Would you prefer social services to take him? Absolutely not judging you at all. Sounds incredibly hard for you. Just genuinely asking.

What does he really like doing?

Read up on strategies for parenting children with PDA. Also look at Ross Greene the Explosive Child and How to talk so kids listen. Get a break if you can. Don't say unpleasant things, damaging for all involved including you. Tell nursery how bad it is, ask what they suggest. He may well be masking there but they should still be supporting you.

They cant be left for a single second, and he cant help himself but to hurt him, if he walks past him he will hurt him, if I turn my back he will hurt him, even in happy playing, he will catch him off guard and hurt him.

He’s bad for you because you are the one he most relies on and craves attention from.

When does he start school?

You sound at the end of your tether, @13MAPARTHELL . I don't have any answers. Different situation and different issues but I've also been there believing I just couldn't cope with the children any more. Totally overwhelmed with zero confidence that I could turn anything around. My health visitor was very supportive which probably saved my life.

I don't believe your son doesn't like you. He might just be pushing your boundaries. I think most children behave better for others than they do for their parents.

I hope you get some support.

What referrals have you been turned down for? Have you tried early help with social services?

i wouldn’t be able to tell you, because he dosnt, he wont sit there and do anything, it may seem like im a shit mum, we do something every weekend, park everyday, crafts, music, baking everything you name it I try it all weekly, his brother will get stabbed with a crayon, or he will rip his artwork or throw everything

ive just lost complete patience, its been 2/3 years, hes never played with toys. I try incredibly hard, my youngest has severe eczema frequently infected im trying to fight this as well constantly with NHS etc

i just cant find enjoyment what so ever, there isnt any,

asd / adhd twice and on appeal
GP support
CAMS
HV

Does his father live with you?

Where is his dad?

If you’re not receiving help because he’s golden at nursery, could you install cameras and send in the home footage of what he’s like at home?

In the nicest way possible, only because it’s true, you’re going to have to get a grip. Grab the bull by its horns and dig your heels in because I’d rather be dealing with an angry 4 year-old than a future angry 15 year-old lad who may well tower over you.
If your child has undiagnosed needs, you just haven’t found how to deal with him yet.
I can’t imagine what a hard time you’re having to get to the point of typing out that you hate your child.

OP this is one of the most terrifying things I have read..I have no clue whats going on but I suggest you get help and quick. Grandparents? Aunties and Uncles any one who can step in would be amazing to give you a break. You sound a danger to your boy right now. Sort it out any way you can for his sake.