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Original poster

Odd message from new piano teacher

209 replies

Plainplantain · 04/06/2025 20:13

DD (7) has done a bit of piano at school for the last 2 years. We are not happy with her progress, she doesn't seem to be getting the full 30 mins and she misses different subjects at school to do her classes. So we gave her teacher her notice and started looking for someone else outside school.

We found someone who advertised locally in a shop window. We looked him up online and were happy. Spoke to him on the phone, he said he comes to pupils homes and that it's very important that I stay with them in the room. All good.

He came yesterday after DD's school. I let him in and he got on with the lesson, I sat in the living room with them but about 2 meters behind not interfering with the lesson. He turned to me very assertively and said I have to stay next to them and watch so I know how to help DD with her practice. I complied and moved next to them.

He worked with DD on a song that was a little challenging for her and he said for now she could just work on half of it. Then we had a discussion about the books we needed to buy and then he started packing away. So I said to him, would it be ok for him to play the song she needs to work on so she knows what it is supposed to sound like and what to aim for. He said, oh of course.. sat at the piano and played the song beautifully. DD was very inspired and after he left, she practiced and it sounded almost as it should so that was definitely worth it.

Today in the afternoon (24 hours later) I got this message from him saying very bluntly that I don't need to tell him that he has to play the song for DD. She will get plenty of opportunities to hear him play and that he is a qualified teacher and has been teaching for 32 years and knows what he's doing. My role is to just sit and watch so I know how to help DD. Then he said see you all next week at 4pm.

I'm perplexed. I couldn't have been more polite and accommodating, didn't ask many questions, I went along with everything he asked.. and I just find it rude and so unnecessary. I didn't want to interfere in the lesson at all and I was happy to sit back and watch from a distance. It just left a bad taste in my mouth and I wonder if its a red flag and there is more to come.

I have not replied as I found it so odd!

Can anyone offer some perspective?

OP posts:
raysofhope · 04/06/2025 20:20

Sounds odd to me. He seems to have misinterpreted a polite request as interfering.

I also wouldn’t like the request to sit by your child at the piano; I would expect to be able to get on with some admin or work myself. It’s a lesson for your daughter, not you! I’d probably not want to continue lessons with that teacher as it sounds like hard work.

CaptainMyCaptain · 04/06/2025 20:22

I had to sit with my daughter at that age so I could practice with her.

ScabbyHorse · 04/06/2025 20:23

I’m a music teacher and I would never get offended like that at a perfectly normal request like yours. Of course he should play it to her.
Also I wouldn’t insist you were in the lesson either, it should be a chance for you to get on with something else.
I would find out if he has a DBS as it’s a red flag

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7 year olds Music
stillavid · 04/06/2025 20:24

He doesn't sound a great fit for you but I suspect his insistence on you being so close is due to safeguarding.

ohyesherewego · 04/06/2025 20:29

Maybe just not a good fit for you.

Maybe he thought you were trying to test him by asking him to play.

For a young pupil to flourish parental support and understanding is definitely required.

He wants you to see how to help her practise.

If you don’t think the teacher is a good fit for you shop around. There are many teachers out there with many different approaches.

good luck.

Octavia64 · 04/06/2025 20:32

He’s not a good fit for you.

my kids started piano at an early age and it is common for parents to sit in and the assumption is that you will practice with he child to support them and help them. So the teacher is in a sense teaching both of you at once.

if you don’t want that style then consider moving to a different teacher.

Original poster
Plainplantain · 04/06/2025 20:39

Thank you all. Actually I don't mind sitting next to them, if that's what he wants.

I was just shocked at the fact that he got offended by my request to play the song for DD, so offended he felt the need to write a long message 24 hrs later. I still find it so odd I can't get myself to reply to it. I wonder what else would he would find offensive from now on.

OP posts:
Sometimeinadifferentworld · 04/06/2025 20:43

We found a piano teacher for my son when he was 5 - she advertised in the local paper.

I used to take my son to her home for his lessons and I used to sit in the room while he had his lessons. He also started having his violin lessons with her when he was about 8 so the time was split between 2 instruments. He continued with her until he was 18 and obviously when he was old enough to negotiate the public transport himself I no longer accompanied him.

But. Right from the get go the relationship between my son and the teacher was brilliant and she was so good with me. Acknowledging my presence in the room at times and talking about the progression of the lessons and what pieces to chose, and the way forward, on a sort of 3 way basis.

It was a really beneficial experience for my son - got his grade 8s in both instruments, instilled in him a love of playing , whilst making it an enlightening and pleasant experience for me.

So I would be wary of a teacher who didn't want to embrace and make the most of a pupil's parents' interest and involvement in their child's musical education.
He sounds very officious and I would worry the lessons are more about him imparting his expertise rather than your child learning and enjoying her music.

Ukholidaysaregreat · 04/06/2025 20:44

He sounds like an arse. Totally unnecessary to send an arsey message about having to play a (short) song. Up to you whether you can be bothered with him every week.

Todaywasbetter · 04/06/2025 20:47

First thought has he got a dbs?

INeedNewShoes · 04/06/2025 20:49

I'm a music teacher and I think this is not a good start and would find another teacher.

He wants you in the room but does not permit you to communicate. You will be treading on eggshells.

FWIW I take a very different approach and aim to empower the kids to take responsibility for their practice. I ensure they know HOW to practise and what a good practice session looks like and specifically tell them this is 'their' project.

I also don't have parents sitting in on lessons but sadly men have to be very very careful about this and are advised not to be alone with children.

coxesorangepippin · 04/06/2025 20:53

Red flag if ever there was one

Walkerzoo · 04/06/2025 20:56

Remembwr DBS is only up to date at the point of printing.
This sounds strange and not like the lessons I have been part of

ButteredRadish · 04/06/2025 21:05

What a dick! I would’ve chucked him out the moment he told me what to do in my own home. Get rid.

ilovebagpuss · 04/06/2025 21:08

Nope, message back to say you have decided not to continue with his services. You don't need to give a reason just be polite and to the point.
It was rude to pick you up on a one time request, it's not like you have been chipping in over more lessons say and he needed to raise it. He sounds controlling and would irritate me too much to keep paying him.

BoredZelda · 04/06/2025 21:11

I’d be finding a new teacher.

WinniePrules · 04/06/2025 21:14

My 4 children have had lots of music lessons in different instruments. I am surprised that your presence is required though it might be necessary for a young child.
Last year, we wanted to.find a new tutor and went to visit a local male middle aged tutor. He impressed us all but my gut feeling was not to proceed with him. I asked our teacher and she said there were lots of safeguarding issues...I had felt it.
Our current teacher is lovely, positive, reasonably strict and very inspirational. It's important to feel good about your teacher, it's not only about professional qualities but personal, too.
I am also a tutor and know from experience: if there is a problem at the start, you should stop. Second chances don't work for me in the capacity of a client or tutor.

Mynewnameis · 04/06/2025 21:18

I'd not be happy with that message.
Ask for recommendations locally for a new teacher

BrentfordForever · 04/06/2025 21:18

Condescending, touchy, wrong tone

you can continue but it will blow at some point

GoodnessAngelina · 04/06/2025 21:22

Todaywasbetter · 04/06/2025 20:47

First thought has he got a dbs?

I’d ask to see his enhanced DBS and check it on the update service if it’s on there.

Cheffymcchef · 04/06/2025 21:25

Normal to ask for you to chaperone the child. Sounds like he just wants you to be silent and let him do his thing. At the end he may have been in a rush to get to another student, asking him to play the song though again would potentially result in him being late. When he’s done teaching her and gets up to pack away, that’s him done for the day (well the session) and stayed his full hour/half hour, then he shouldn’t be asked to sit down and play again. He probably has got similar requests from other students parents and feels like he has to put his foot down now.

I wouldn’t necessarily get rid of him over this if he’s a good teacher. This may just be his style, I had certain similar teachers at school. If you want a different approach where you can chat throughout, it’s maybe worth asking another teacher, but do bear in mind that any talking time still counts as paid lesson time- he/she won’t stay longer to tutor your child because he and you were discussing things.

OVienna · 04/06/2025 21:29

This is bringing back not so good memories of my children's music lessons. Its very weird to want you in the room the while time watching. I would be suspicious he's had a safeguarding event previously. Did yiu take up recs? We let the teachers get on with it and we're never asked for that level of involvement. One of my DCs was a music scholar.

MumChp · 04/06/2025 21:32

OVienna · 04/06/2025 21:29

This is bringing back not so good memories of my children's music lessons. Its very weird to want you in the room the while time watching. I would be suspicious he's had a safeguarding event previously. Did yiu take up recs? We let the teachers get on with it and we're never asked for that level of involvement. One of my DCs was a music scholar.

Quite normal I think. All of our children's music classes have been like this.

GoodnessAngelina · 04/06/2025 21:33

OVienna · 04/06/2025 21:29

This is bringing back not so good memories of my children's music lessons. Its very weird to want you in the room the while time watching. I would be suspicious he's had a safeguarding event previously. Did yiu take up recs? We let the teachers get on with it and we're never asked for that level of involvement. One of my DCs was a music scholar.

I tutor - I have an enhanced DBS on the update service and am insured. I would rather be left to get on with the job and give a feedback sheet/have a quick chat with parents than be chaperoned. I’m always happy for parents to watch the first session, though.

Cheffymcchef · 04/06/2025 21:36

Some teachers just prefer to have a chaperone there especially with young children. Doesn’t necessarily mean anything nefarious. Some teachers prefer parents to not be there, if a tutor insisted the parents leave the room alarm bells would also go off.

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