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Original poster

Odd message from new piano teacher

209 replies

Plainplantain · 04/06/2025 20:13

DD (7) has done a bit of piano at school for the last 2 years. We are not happy with her progress, she doesn't seem to be getting the full 30 mins and she misses different subjects at school to do her classes. So we gave her teacher her notice and started looking for someone else outside school.

We found someone who advertised locally in a shop window. We looked him up online and were happy. Spoke to him on the phone, he said he comes to pupils homes and that it's very important that I stay with them in the room. All good.

He came yesterday after DD's school. I let him in and he got on with the lesson, I sat in the living room with them but about 2 meters behind not interfering with the lesson. He turned to me very assertively and said I have to stay next to them and watch so I know how to help DD with her practice. I complied and moved next to them.

He worked with DD on a song that was a little challenging for her and he said for now she could just work on half of it. Then we had a discussion about the books we needed to buy and then he started packing away. So I said to him, would it be ok for him to play the song she needs to work on so she knows what it is supposed to sound like and what to aim for. He said, oh of course.. sat at the piano and played the song beautifully. DD was very inspired and after he left, she practiced and it sounded almost as it should so that was definitely worth it.

Today in the afternoon (24 hours later) I got this message from him saying very bluntly that I don't need to tell him that he has to play the song for DD. She will get plenty of opportunities to hear him play and that he is a qualified teacher and has been teaching for 32 years and knows what he's doing. My role is to just sit and watch so I know how to help DD. Then he said see you all next week at 4pm.

I'm perplexed. I couldn't have been more polite and accommodating, didn't ask many questions, I went along with everything he asked.. and I just find it rude and so unnecessary. I didn't want to interfere in the lesson at all and I was happy to sit back and watch from a distance. It just left a bad taste in my mouth and I wonder if its a red flag and there is more to come.

I have not replied as I found it so odd!

Can anyone offer some perspective?

OP posts:
Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 05/06/2025 05:57

Get rid! Our piano teacher is wonderful. I get on with all sorts of chores while he’s here. Calls me in when he needs to but not often. A piece of Battenberg and he’s happy. Don’t have him over again if you feel his energy to be off. It’s your home.

TheWisePlumDuck · 05/06/2025 05:59

I only ever hire female tutors if they are coming in to my home now.

The two 'lovely' male ones I had recommended at first were both oddly aggressive as soon as they realised there was no DH currently at home, and seemed to get off on some weird little power trip. Both slipped in to too much inappropriate and frequent communication early on too.

Never had any of with female tutors so far. Can never say never, but I'd find it a lot less threatening even if it did happen.

Lavenderfarmcottage · 05/06/2025 06:06

He’s a fruit that needs to be put back in his basket. I would find someone new. Imagine there are a few eccentric types in the music teaching industry so may take some screening & getting referrals.

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7 year olds Music
Lavenderfarmcottage · 05/06/2025 06:07

TheWisePlumDuck · 05/06/2025 05:59

I only ever hire female tutors if they are coming in to my home now.

The two 'lovely' male ones I had recommended at first were both oddly aggressive as soon as they realised there was no DH currently at home, and seemed to get off on some weird little power trip. Both slipped in to too much inappropriate and frequent communication early on too.

Never had any of with female tutors so far. Can never say never, but I'd find it a lot less threatening even if it did happen.

Agree, I think it’s an unsafe dynamic having a man in the house if no other man is present in your life, can’t believe I think this way or am saying this but I think it’s years of being a single Mum. There are lovely people out there but also too many men that take advantage & go feral when they find out you’re alone.

Lancasterel · 05/06/2025 06:07

We’ve had a similar set up with my DD from age 7 for the past couple of years in that her male piano teacher comes to the house. I sat in for the first couple of lessons but that’s it! In fact, I try to give them some space. But I play the piano myself so don’t need to watch in order to help her practise I suppose, and her teacher also notes things down in a notebook each week to help her practise.
I think his message is really rude and that would put me off having him back ever again to be honest! I can’t bear being spoken to like a child and increasingly when it happens I wonder if, had I been male, I’d have been spoken to in the same way?

Onelifeonly · 05/06/2025 06:07

He sounds uptight. But I can understand, in today's world, that, as a man, he'd prefer a chaperone in the room.

Maybe you could just say you are sorry if you offended him as it was unintended. Perhaps he felt you were covertly criticising? He might turn out to be a great teacher for your dd.

Personally I'd probably give him the benefit of the doubt for now, but if you don't feel comfortable, no reason to keep him on.

Bournetilly · 05/06/2025 06:18

His message is very rude, I wouldn’t want him back.

YourSignalFadedIntoAnotherWorld · 05/06/2025 06:21

He's a rude touchy man.

"Hi (piano man) I'm glad you messaged. We have decided not to proceed with the lessons, thank you. We don't feel it's a good fit. Please acknowledge this message"

Lotsofsnacks · 05/06/2025 06:28

You are the customer and you are paying him. It wasn’t an unreasonable request, and was within the time limit, and it helped DD. He sounds like a prick. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t usually do that, you asked, so he does it. Of course if it was a really stupid request which wouldn’t be of benefit to dd (it wasn’t) hes entitled to decline BUT should explain why, to the customer, very clearly and politely in a nice tone

Left · 05/06/2025 06:32

Oh he does sound difficult, how did DD find the lesson? If she enjoyed it and felt comfortable then I’d give him another chance, but I’d sack it off if she wasn’t keen.

PiscesPetal · 05/06/2025 06:37

He’s basically made it clear that you’re not permitted to utter a word while he teaches - lest you undermine his status as a teacher of 32 years’ standing (no less!) And in your own home too!

Your request was perfectly sensible - of course, he should have modelled the piece to your daughter. Perhaps that’s why he was so irritated - because he knows you’re right. But even if you had spoken out of turn, he could have sent you a much friendlier message (and at least waited till you did it again).

He sounds very controlling. I really couldn’t be doing with that pompous tone and would probably take some pleasure in crafting the perfect (no thanks) response!

Cheffymcchef · 05/06/2025 06:38

PiscesPetal · 05/06/2025 06:37

He’s basically made it clear that you’re not permitted to utter a word while he teaches - lest you undermine his status as a teacher of 32 years’ standing (no less!) And in your own home too!

Your request was perfectly sensible - of course, he should have modelled the piece to your daughter. Perhaps that’s why he was so irritated - because he knows you’re right. But even if you had spoken out of turn, he could have sent you a much friendlier message (and at least waited till you did it again).

He sounds very controlling. I really couldn’t be doing with that pompous tone and would probably take some pleasure in crafting the perfect (no thanks) response!

Not all teachers show the full piece on the first lesson

Starlight7080 · 05/06/2025 06:45

dbs checked?
After one lesson he is very rude then it's probably not going to improve.

Enthusiasticcarrotgrower · 05/06/2025 06:48

He sounds like hard work. I would have found that quite rude.

begone25 · 05/06/2025 06:57

Was the teacher teaching in a particular learning style? Suzuki or traditional etc? I’m not a musician but have friends whose children learnt violin using Suzuki method and initially had to be very involved in the classes as children were expected to practice daily in a particular way. Maybe he should have outlined how the lessons work prior to starting… personally I would give him another chance and see how it goes.

Apollo365 · 05/06/2025 07:23

If your husband wants to give him another try can he sit in on the lessons?
The message is infuriating, I think I would have to reply personally. You are very restrained!
What about if you had other children to attend to, or were working from home?

Lampzade · 05/06/2025 07:30

When my dcs were young they had a piano teacher who was offended because I politely asked when dd1 would be ready to take her Grade 1 exam ( at this point she had been having lessons for two years )
The piano teacher then dumped us the following day .
Thankfully , I managed to hire another tutor who was brilliant . Dd1 took her grade 1 three months later and eventually got to grade 8
Op, this teacher is probably just not a good fit

Househunters1 · 05/06/2025 07:40

I’m on the piano teacher’s side her and I understand why he sent the message.

some parents are extremely difficult and often don’t even realise. They have their firm boundaries “I’m paying for X, therefore you do as I say” and he potentially was preventing that occurring. You asking for the song to be played may have come across as you structuring the lesson, he’d done his time and you made him do more. He set his own boundaries… you may have come across as testing him.

MummoMa · 05/06/2025 07:49

Only thing I can think of is that he is setting her a piece and not wanting to play it to her first for a reason. Granted I taught teens, and a 7 year old is very different, but I would often set a piece on a first lesson without playing it first. I would get them to sight read it, maybe provide some guidance what they could think about. The goal was to see what they did with it themselves. How is their timing, how is their musicality, do they add dynamics, how did they sort out breathing (if a woodwind), and more. It helps me know where they are at, what they are good at, what might need more attention and helps me know what level they are at. If I play it to them first, it puts my own interpretation on it and influences how they will play it. That's counter to what I'm trying to achieve.

You may have delayed valuable assessment that would allow him to decide direction with your daughter.

MalcolmMoo · 05/06/2025 07:51

He’s taken it completely the wrong way! He sounds a bit uptight.

Being in the room is fine but the sitting next to so you can help with her practice etc. seems too much!

Clearinguptheclutter · 05/06/2025 07:55

Def a bit weird

I’d stick it out if dd is happy but his attitude is odd

normal for parents to be well out of the way. I am in the car when ds goes. I wonder if he has a DBS (because he insisted you have to be present).

MummoMa · 05/06/2025 07:56

MalcolmMoo · 05/06/2025 07:51

He’s taken it completely the wrong way! He sounds a bit uptight.

Being in the room is fine but the sitting next to so you can help with her practice etc. seems too much!

It might be normal if it's Suzuki method. My daughter did this and it's quite high parent involvement at this age, in my experience.

buttonm00n · 05/06/2025 07:57

Yes that is definitely rude and odd. I might be inclined to give him one more chance but if there was any of this nonsense again he wouldn’t be getting my custom anymore. I can totally see why it’s left a bad taste, not offensive as such but definitely blunt and unnecessary. The fact that he’s stewing on it 24 hours later too…jeez. Maybe if he’d said in the moment it would have come across better, who knows. But yeah overall not a good first impression.

TheNextChapter · 05/06/2025 08:02

He sounds like a twat. I'd get a new teacher. If he has all the right checks it should be up to you if you stay in the room or not. I'd also expect him to tell your child how to practice and ask you to gently encourage only.

LittleBitofBread · 05/06/2025 08:12

He sounds very chippy.

I think he realised that it would’ve been better practice for him to play this song for your DD, and his ego didn’t like the fact that you had to remind him about it. I couldn’t be bothered with him. Although I don’t know how many piano teachers there are out there and how difficult it will be to find a new one. I guess you need to weigh that up for yourself.

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