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Original poster

Odd message from new piano teacher

209 replies

Plainplantain · 04/06/2025 20:13

DD (7) has done a bit of piano at school for the last 2 years. We are not happy with her progress, she doesn't seem to be getting the full 30 mins and she misses different subjects at school to do her classes. So we gave her teacher her notice and started looking for someone else outside school.

We found someone who advertised locally in a shop window. We looked him up online and were happy. Spoke to him on the phone, he said he comes to pupils homes and that it's very important that I stay with them in the room. All good.

He came yesterday after DD's school. I let him in and he got on with the lesson, I sat in the living room with them but about 2 meters behind not interfering with the lesson. He turned to me very assertively and said I have to stay next to them and watch so I know how to help DD with her practice. I complied and moved next to them.

He worked with DD on a song that was a little challenging for her and he said for now she could just work on half of it. Then we had a discussion about the books we needed to buy and then he started packing away. So I said to him, would it be ok for him to play the song she needs to work on so she knows what it is supposed to sound like and what to aim for. He said, oh of course.. sat at the piano and played the song beautifully. DD was very inspired and after he left, she practiced and it sounded almost as it should so that was definitely worth it.

Today in the afternoon (24 hours later) I got this message from him saying very bluntly that I don't need to tell him that he has to play the song for DD. She will get plenty of opportunities to hear him play and that he is a qualified teacher and has been teaching for 32 years and knows what he's doing. My role is to just sit and watch so I know how to help DD. Then he said see you all next week at 4pm.

I'm perplexed. I couldn't have been more polite and accommodating, didn't ask many questions, I went along with everything he asked.. and I just find it rude and so unnecessary. I didn't want to interfere in the lesson at all and I was happy to sit back and watch from a distance. It just left a bad taste in my mouth and I wonder if its a red flag and there is more to come.

I have not replied as I found it so odd!

Can anyone offer some perspective?

OP posts:
ForTaupeSwan · 04/06/2025 23:24

Plainplantain · 04/06/2025 23:23

He was within the 30 mins, not that I'm keeping time but it wasn't outside the lesson. I thought it was so important for DD to hear the song before starting to practice and it indeed made such a difference. The song is literally under 30 seconds.

Show quote history

Maybe that's not how he teaches? So you undermined him? Is he not the teacher

raysan · 04/06/2025 23:25

If he is autistic then he will prefer his routine and may not have meant it rudely saying that of course she would hear him play the song.

Most important is how your DD finds the lessons

HiddenInCubeOfCheese · 04/06/2025 23:25

Plainplantain · 04/06/2025 23:23

He was within the 30 mins, not that I'm keeping time but it wasn't outside the lesson. I thought it was so important for DD to hear the song before starting to practice and it indeed made such a difference. The song is literally under 30 seconds.

Show quote history

In my piano lessons, when we got to a new piece, the teacher would play it through at least once before we even began to break it down together and learn it.

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7 year olds Music
ForTaupeSwan · 04/06/2025 23:25

raysan · 04/06/2025 23:25

If he is autistic then he will prefer his routine and may not have meant it rudely saying that of course she would hear him play the song.

Most important is how your DD finds the lessons

Oh God everyone and everything is autistic

Cheffymcchef · 04/06/2025 23:26

raysan · 04/06/2025 23:25

If he is autistic then he will prefer his routine and may not have meant it rudely saying that of course she would hear him play the song.

Most important is how your DD finds the lessons

He’s not definitely autistic, it’s just a guess on my part (as a fellow autistic) from his strict rigidity about his lessons and his blunt messages followed by the see you next time.

HiddenInCubeOfCheese · 04/06/2025 23:27

Even if, IF, he’s autistic…frankly, so what? You don’t like his manner. That’s reason good enough.

even if it’s not the way he teaches…your request was reasonable and took 30 seconds. You’re paying for it and with no disrespect meant to your DD, I doubt she’s Yuja Wang, so sod his “method”!

Cheffymcchef · 04/06/2025 23:27

ForTaupeSwan · 04/06/2025 23:25

Oh God everyone and everything is autistic

Show quote history

It was me who originally said it may be the case, as someone who is autistic and has worked around and been friends with people on the spectrum. It may not be the case.

ForTaupeSwan · 04/06/2025 23:27

Cheffymcchef · 04/06/2025 23:26

He’s not definitely autistic, it’s just a guess on my part (as a fellow autistic) from his strict rigidity about his lessons and his blunt messages followed by the see you next time.

Show quote history

Maybe he wants the parents to help with lessons and wants them to be watching as well?

Also I don't think it's a routine, he just felt under minded being told to play the song, like his teaching wasn't good enough.

Cheffymcchef · 04/06/2025 23:29

autistic or not OP does not need to hire him if his attitude doesn’t work for her. I would probably not be hiring him.

Cheffymcchef · 04/06/2025 23:30

ForTaupeSwan · 04/06/2025 23:27

Maybe he wants the parents to help with lessons and wants them to be watching as well?

Also I don't think it's a routine, he just felt under minded being told to play the song, like his teaching wasn't good enough.

Show quote history

Yes I agree perhaps he felt undermined, or he’d made it clear the lesson was over and then was asked to play again. I think the way he went about saying his frustrations was a bit blunt, however he had a right to be frustrated if he had made it clear the lesson had ended and OP was asking him to play again. Especially if it’s not his method of teaching.

Travelfairy · 04/06/2025 23:30

I would get a new teacher. Get rid of this guy before you get further involved. He sounds odd.

pizzaHeart · 04/06/2025 23:31

I agree with others that as he was packing away he was in a hurry to get to another student. However it was the very first lesson, you needed to do a bit of planning ahead and setting up “rules” so the experienced teacher would take this into account while planning their schedule.
He could be autistic as the message was indeed quite blunt. Or it could be just his personality. He clearly thinks he is a teaching genius which might be true but his communication skills are far from adequate. You would probably survive this but what about DD? He will need to communicate with her in the future and it doesn’t sound like he is going to be encouraging, supportive and considerate teacher.

I would decline his services politely.

BobbyBiscuits · 04/06/2025 23:32

It seems odd to message you about it and start ranting about how much experience he has.

He could've easily just gently said next time you asked that he will be playing for her but not at this point in the lessons. And just politely assert the fact he's teaching in a certain way and that you're just observing, but everything will happen in good time.

He should know how to balance this with ease seeing as he's been doing it for 30 years or whatever.

I also don't know why he demands you watch the exact way she's playing to 'help her practice'? Surely you don't play piano so how can you help her other than saying do what teacher said.

He does sound a bit bizarre. But maybe he's also a really good teacher? Who advertised in shop windows?

Original poster
Plainplantain · 04/06/2025 23:32

ForTaupeSwan · 04/06/2025 23:27

Maybe he wants the parents to help with lessons and wants them to be watching as well?

Also I don't think it's a routine, he just felt under minded being told to play the song, like his teaching wasn't good enough.

Show quote history

I asked him in the most polite way if it would it be a good idea for DD to hear the song so she knows what it sounds like? He said...oh of course!! But then of course, probably felt like I was questioning his method and ruminated over it for 24 hrs. Definitely don't think I could deal with someone like that long term.

OP posts:
Cheffymcchef · 04/06/2025 23:33

pizzaHeart · 04/06/2025 23:31

I agree with others that as he was packing away he was in a hurry to get to another student. However it was the very first lesson, you needed to do a bit of planning ahead and setting up “rules” so the experienced teacher would take this into account while planning their schedule.
He could be autistic as the message was indeed quite blunt. Or it could be just his personality. He clearly thinks he is a teaching genius which might be true but his communication skills are far from adequate. You would probably survive this but what about DD? He will need to communicate with her in the future and it doesn’t sound like he is going to be encouraging, supportive and considerate teacher.

I would decline his services politely.

By what OP said he seemed polite with the daughter, it’s just his demands (which are fair if that’s how he teaches I guess) and the text that came across rude.

jljlj · 04/06/2025 23:33

I wouldn’t continue with him. He must have a lot of time on his hands if he’s texting you a telling off 24 hours later. Over something than was a very reasonable and easy request. And I think it shows him to be a bit weird with some issues.

I would reply saying - don’t think we are a good fit,

he’ll only get worse

pizzaHeart · 04/06/2025 23:33

Travelfairy · 04/06/2025 23:30

I would get a new teacher. Get rid of this guy before you get further involved. He sounds odd.

And this^ is the best summary of the situation ( and much shorter than mine 🙂)

ForTaupeSwan · 04/06/2025 23:34

Plainplantain · 04/06/2025 23:32

I asked him in the most polite way if it would it be a good idea for DD to hear the song so she knows what it sounds like? He said...oh of course!! But then of course, probably felt like I was questioning his method and ruminated over it for 24 hrs. Definitely don't think I could deal with someone like that long term.

Show quote history

Yes why bother

ballettap · 04/06/2025 23:40

I wish people would stop blaming everything on ND. Even on the spectrum not everyone is rude, especially when he's been teaching people for decades. My DD is ASD and while she can be a bit blunt at times, she has learned the same as everyone else that sometimes you need to be careful in what you say or you might offend someone. And she has learning difficulties on top of it.

I found his message rude and it would make me feel uncomfortable having him in my house again because you'd be walking on eggshells in your own home.

And the 'see you next week' just comes across to me as if he had his wee rant then was drawing a line under it.

Cheffymcchef · 04/06/2025 23:40

ballettap · 04/06/2025 23:40

I wish people would stop blaming everything on ND. Even on the spectrum not everyone is rude, especially when he's been teaching people for decades. My DD is ASD and while she can be a bit blunt at times, she has learned the same as everyone else that sometimes you need to be careful in what you say or you might offend someone. And she has learning difficulties on top of it.

I found his message rude and it would make me feel uncomfortable having him in my house again because you'd be walking on eggshells in your own home.

And the 'see you next week' just comes across to me as if he had his wee rant then was drawing a line under it.

I’m not “blaming” it on that, I said it may be a reason for the bluntness, and I did say OP would be better off not seeing him again.

pizzaHeart · 04/06/2025 23:41

Cheffymcchef · 04/06/2025 23:33

By what OP said he seemed polite with the daughter, it’s just his demands (which are fair if that’s how he teaches I guess) and the text that came across rude.

Show quote history

He was polite when things were as he expected but when it was something else he behaved oddly.
What if child won’t be practicing enough from his point of view some weeks or will ask extra questions about something? The problem is that this teacher has limited skills in communication and can’t communicate well beyond certain things. It could be very frustrating for a small child.

Cheffymcchef · 04/06/2025 23:42

pizzaHeart · 04/06/2025 23:41

He was polite when things were as he expected but when it was something else he behaved oddly.
What if child won’t be practicing enough from his point of view some weeks or will ask extra questions about something? The problem is that this teacher has limited skills in communication and can’t communicate well beyond certain things. It could be very frustrating for a small child.

Show quote history

i agree with everyone else that OP should find someone different if they want to and leave an honest review

Cheffymcchef · 04/06/2025 23:43

ballettap · 04/06/2025 23:40

I wish people would stop blaming everything on ND. Even on the spectrum not everyone is rude, especially when he's been teaching people for decades. My DD is ASD and while she can be a bit blunt at times, she has learned the same as everyone else that sometimes you need to be careful in what you say or you might offend someone. And she has learning difficulties on top of it.

I found his message rude and it would make me feel uncomfortable having him in my house again because you'd be walking on eggshells in your own home.

And the 'see you next week' just comes across to me as if he had his wee rant then was drawing a line under it.

Also, your daughter is not the same as everyone else with ASD, even if she has learning difficulties.

Nominative · 04/06/2025 23:46

I second the view that he could be on the spectrum, and/or that he has developed his own way of teaching over the years, finds it works, and feels very uncomfortable if asked to divert from it. It sounds like his methods are working well so far. If I were you I would go with the flow - simply attend the lessons and do what you are asked to do, and leave him to it. I don't think there is any need for you to feel uncomfortable about that.

Pinkflowersinavase · 04/06/2025 23:49

ilovebagpuss · 04/06/2025 21:08

Nope, message back to say you have decided not to continue with his services. You don't need to give a reason just be polite and to the point.
It was rude to pick you up on a one time request, it's not like you have been chipping in over more lessons say and he needed to raise it. He sounds controlling and would irritate me too much to keep paying him.

Agree with this! You are the customer.

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