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Original poster

Odd message from new piano teacher

209 replies

Plainplantain · 04/06/2025 20:13

DD (7) has done a bit of piano at school for the last 2 years. We are not happy with her progress, she doesn't seem to be getting the full 30 mins and she misses different subjects at school to do her classes. So we gave her teacher her notice and started looking for someone else outside school.

We found someone who advertised locally in a shop window. We looked him up online and were happy. Spoke to him on the phone, he said he comes to pupils homes and that it's very important that I stay with them in the room. All good.

He came yesterday after DD's school. I let him in and he got on with the lesson, I sat in the living room with them but about 2 meters behind not interfering with the lesson. He turned to me very assertively and said I have to stay next to them and watch so I know how to help DD with her practice. I complied and moved next to them.

He worked with DD on a song that was a little challenging for her and he said for now she could just work on half of it. Then we had a discussion about the books we needed to buy and then he started packing away. So I said to him, would it be ok for him to play the song she needs to work on so she knows what it is supposed to sound like and what to aim for. He said, oh of course.. sat at the piano and played the song beautifully. DD was very inspired and after he left, she practiced and it sounded almost as it should so that was definitely worth it.

Today in the afternoon (24 hours later) I got this message from him saying very bluntly that I don't need to tell him that he has to play the song for DD. She will get plenty of opportunities to hear him play and that he is a qualified teacher and has been teaching for 32 years and knows what he's doing. My role is to just sit and watch so I know how to help DD. Then he said see you all next week at 4pm.

I'm perplexed. I couldn't have been more polite and accommodating, didn't ask many questions, I went along with everything he asked.. and I just find it rude and so unnecessary. I didn't want to interfere in the lesson at all and I was happy to sit back and watch from a distance. It just left a bad taste in my mouth and I wonder if its a red flag and there is more to come.

I have not replied as I found it so odd!

Can anyone offer some perspective?

OP posts:
TiredMame · 04/06/2025 23:54

Oh please don’t have him back. He sounds bloody rude and who is he to speak to you like that. You asked him for a perfectly reasonable request - in fact how is your dd meant to know what it sounds like.

if he felt like you were interfering he could have been much nicer in the way he spoke to you. And at the very least he could have waited for you to do it again before saying something.
Find someone else op. He sounds weird and very, very unprofessional

ballettap · 04/06/2025 23:54

Cheffymcchef · 04/06/2025 23:43

Also, your daughter is not the same as everyone else with ASD, even if she has learning difficulties.

Show quote history

Yes I know that, I've been round people on the spectrum for 20 years and no one is the same. But he managed to hold it together while he was there so in my opinion (and it is only an opinion), he knew at the time how to react so it wasn't him being stressed at the change of routine. He's thought about it and he's felt undermined after the fact. So there is control.

My experience has always been the bluntness comes at the time before thinking comes into it.

Anyway, either way I wouldn't want him back. And I'd be telling DH to sit from now on if you do continue!

TiredMame · 04/06/2025 23:56

Nominative · 04/06/2025 23:46

I second the view that he could be on the spectrum, and/or that he has developed his own way of teaching over the years, finds it works, and feels very uncomfortable if asked to divert from it. It sounds like his methods are working well so far. If I were you I would go with the flow - simply attend the lessons and do what you are asked to do, and leave him to it. I don't think there is any need for you to feel uncomfortable about that.

So that gives him the ok to be rude and blunt? Nope, he should be professional and saying one thing to the op and then stewing and sending a very unpleasant text back is not worth it.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

7 year olds Music
Original poster
Plainplantain · 04/06/2025 23:57

TiredMame · 04/06/2025 23:54

Oh please don’t have him back. He sounds bloody rude and who is he to speak to you like that. You asked him for a perfectly reasonable request - in fact how is your dd meant to know what it sounds like.

if he felt like you were interfering he could have been much nicer in the way he spoke to you. And at the very least he could have waited for you to do it again before saying something.
Find someone else op. He sounds weird and very, very unprofessional

Yes, also if he felt undermined in any way, he could have said something there and then? I would have been more understanding. Why message 24hrs later?!

OP posts:
Amelie2025 · 04/06/2025 23:58

ScabbyHorse · 04/06/2025 20:23

I’m a music teacher and I would never get offended like that at a perfectly normal request like yours. Of course he should play it to her.
Also I wouldn’t insist you were in the lesson either, it should be a chance for you to get on with something else.
I would find out if he has a DBS as it’s a red flag

I would think it's more about him protecting himself from false accusations!

@Plainplantain I'd keep looking for another teacher. I'd find him far too much like hard work. From beginner to grade 8, DC had 3 piano teachers & a handful of accompaniests (also teachers in their own right) they were all very different personalities & different quirks (I miss all of them!) none of them expected me to sit next to them or learn to assist DC. They were being taught, not me!! I mostly sat with DC while they practised or was in the kitchen next door. I 'reminded' it was time to practice & helped with chords for exams.

Do a few trial lessons until you find one you & DD like!

EdithBond · 04/06/2025 23:59

He clearly didn’t like you making a suggestion, even though it clearly helped your DD. He sounds pretty controlling too, asking you to sit closer to watch. You’re paying him to teach your DD, not to explain to you how to help her.

I’d sack him off after that message.

JessyCarr · 05/06/2025 00:02

I wouldn’t want him back either - and I’d look for another teacher who is busy enough not to need to place ads in shop windows. Ask someone you really trust for a recommendation.

EdithBond · 05/06/2025 00:03

Plainplantain · 04/06/2025 23:57

Yes, also if he felt undermined in any way, he could have said something there and then? I would have been more understanding. Why message 24hrs later?!

Show quote history

Seething? On reflection, thought he should be assertive about asking you to trust his methods? Whatever, he sounds pretty uptight and difficult to deal with.

scritter · 05/06/2025 00:11

What he's in your house for is not relevant imo. If an electrician was rude to me, they wouldn't be rehired. Same with a cleaner. A piano teacher is no different. He's not a good fit - his manner might be acceptable to some people, but it isn't to you, and that's fine.

WilfredsPies · 05/06/2025 00:12

I think your request took him a bit by surprise. He had a chance to sleep on it and felt he had to put you back in your place and remind you that he’s the teacher. I don’t think that this is a man who is used to being questioned, or he lacks the skills to deal with it appropriately and confuses aggression with assertion.

I’d message back and say ‘Am I correct in thinking that you want me to sit next to her and pay attention to what you’re doing so that I can help her with her practice, but you don’t actually want me to speak or to request something that I know would help her with her practice? The tone of your message has made it very clear to me that we will not be a good fit for each other so I think it best to cancel Tuesday and all future lessons’.

If he argues or gets snarky, then tell him that he may consider himself to be a very skilled teacher but he has a very unfortunate way of talking to people and that if he sends messages like that, he needs to prepare himself for the fact that there will be financial consequences.

Firefly1987 · 05/06/2025 00:13

scritter · 05/06/2025 00:11

What he's in your house for is not relevant imo. If an electrician was rude to me, they wouldn't be rehired. Same with a cleaner. A piano teacher is no different. He's not a good fit - his manner might be acceptable to some people, but it isn't to you, and that's fine.

But would you be telling an electrician how to do the electrics in your house? Or would you just let him get on with it because it's his job...

HiddenInCubeOfCheese · 05/06/2025 00:20

Firefly1987 · 05/06/2025 00:13

But would you be telling an electrician how to do the electrics in your house? Or would you just let him get on with it because it's his job...

Show quote history

But that’s apples and oranges. For this to be like for like, the electrician would have to weirdly ask OP to come round and observe him do the wiring and then the OP would have to ask him to flick the lights on and off for her so she could see how they’re supposed to work. Former, nuts. Latter, totally normal

WordsFailMeYetAgain · 05/06/2025 00:20

I’d hate that. He would be out the door and I’d find someone else

BoldNewt · 05/06/2025 00:21

Does he ask for more than a week paymt upfront? My dd's teacher does a month upfront and wants six weeks notice to end classes. So you're sort of tied in if you decide he is a controlling nobhead.

He specifically asked you to be a part of her practice and you said it was beneficial for her to hear the piece which I would also assume means you wanted to hear it so you know what it sounds like too. If he feels undermined because you said how you and your dd learn he's not a very good teacher.

MummoMa · 05/06/2025 00:21

He may have wanted the chance to see how your daughter did over the week without hearing the tune first. Parroting back a tune you've heard is different than having to put it together from scratch. It could have told him how she'd go working out the timings of notes, etc.

However, if you don't like him, either give him one more go and see how it goes, or find someone else.

MrsSunshine2b · 05/06/2025 00:22

Firefly1987 · 05/06/2025 00:13

But would you be telling an electrician how to do the electrics in your house? Or would you just let him get on with it because it's his job...

Show quote history

I don't know anything about electrics, but I do know about my own child and how they learn best. A decent teacher is more than happy to hear parental suggestions based on what motivates their child.

A lot of people are missing that he was within the 30 minutes. If you're being paid for 30 minutes, you don't get to leave after 25 because you've got another lesson. It's up to you to leave a sufficient gap between lessons, not expect the customer to tolerate you shaving time off their lesson.

Cheffymcchef · 05/06/2025 00:25

MrsSunshine2b · 05/06/2025 00:22

I don't know anything about electrics, but I do know about my own child and how they learn best. A decent teacher is more than happy to hear parental suggestions based on what motivates their child.

A lot of people are missing that he was within the 30 minutes. If you're being paid for 30 minutes, you don't get to leave after 25 because you've got another lesson. It's up to you to leave a sufficient gap between lessons, not expect the customer to tolerate you shaving time off their lesson.

Show quote history

The thirty minutes presumably includes time to talk over the lesson and pack up as OP did. It’s very hard to tell if unpacking and playing the song would take him over the time unless OP used a stopwatch.

blueshedhermit · 05/06/2025 00:28

Leave him an answerphone message. Preferably sung.

😂
BrickBiscuit · 05/06/2025 00:31

Plainplantain · 04/06/2025 23:19

He says it is odd and blunt but we should give him another chance.

I don't want him anymore personally, don't think I can get past this. I did get a vibe from him as being a bit controlling about every little thing.

Show quote history

Is DH going to take over sitting in? If not, he doesn’t get a say.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 05/06/2025 00:35

Some music teachers are really precious (note I just said "some", not all!)

I've seen a number of threads here on MN with similar things - all music teachers.

I've had some great music teachers, and I wouldn't be able to click with this guy, so I'd not have him back. Trust your instinct.

blueshedhermit · 05/06/2025 00:44

Cheffymcchef · 04/06/2025 23:14

The fact he’s followed the (blunt) text up with “see you all next Tuesday” also suggests to me he hasn’t realised how it comes across to you.

😂crying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Christmasbear1 · 05/06/2025 00:44

Get Rid

make me think he wants you watching the lesson so he's not accused of anything. I'd probably get a female teacher at that young age so I wouldn't have to sit and watch.

ChoppyChoppy · 05/06/2025 00:45

I think you are reading too much into the message. Lots of people are rubbish at getting the right tone when they write texts. The actual message didn’t read half as badly as your OP suggested. He might have meant to be rude but he might not have. It’s not possible to tell from the text.

Cheffymcchef · 05/06/2025 00:46

Christmasbear1 · 05/06/2025 00:44

Get Rid

make me think he wants you watching the lesson so he's not accused of anything. I'd probably get a female teacher at that young age so I wouldn't have to sit and watch.

Female teachers may also ask for a chaperone.

Glitterblue · 05/06/2025 00:46

I’m a piano teacher and I give parents the option of whether to sit in or not - some children respond better with a parent there and some of mine are much more shy with a parent there. I am fully DBS checked.

For the ones who do stay, they just sit at the table behind and often catch up on work. At the end of the lesson I go over with them which pieces the child should practise and if there’s anything I want them to focus on like dynamics etc. I also send them recordings afterwards of me playing their pieces so they know how they should sound, especially if the counting is not straightforward. I do have one mum who butts in on what I’m saying to the pupil and will make suggestions and I don’t like that!

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