Odd message from new piano teacher

[Plainplantain]

DD (7) has done a bit of piano at school for the last 2 years. We are not happy with her progress, she doesn't seem to be getting the full 30 mins and she misses different subjects at school to do her classes. So we gave her teacher her notice and started looking for someone else outside school.

We found someone who advertised locally in a shop window. We looked him up online and were happy. Spoke to him on the phone, he said he comes to pupils homes and that it's very important that I stay with them in the room. All good.

He came yesterday after DD's school. I let him in and he got on with the lesson, I sat in the living room with them but about 2 meters behind not interfering with the lesson. He turned to me very assertively and said I have to stay next to them and watch so I know how to help DD with her practice. I complied and moved next to them.

He worked with DD on a song that was a little challenging for her and he said for now she could just work on half of it. Then we had a discussion about the books we needed to buy and then he started packing away. So I said to him, would it be ok for him to play the song she needs to work on so she knows what it is supposed to sound like and what to aim for. He said, oh of course.. sat at the piano and played the song beautifully. DD was very inspired and after he left, she practiced and it sounded almost as it should so that was definitely worth it.

Today in the afternoon (24 hours later) I got this message from him saying very bluntly that I don't need to tell him that he has to play the song for DD. She will get plenty of opportunities to hear him play and that he is a qualified teacher and has been teaching for 32 years and knows what he's doing. My role is to just sit and watch so I know how to help DD. Then he said see you all next week at 4pm.

I'm perplexed. I couldn't have been more polite and accommodating, didn't ask many questions, I went along with everything he asked.. and I just find it rude and so unnecessary. I didn't want to interfere in the lesson at all and I was happy to sit back and watch from a distance. It just left a bad taste in my mouth and I wonder if its a red flag and there is more to come.

I have not replied as I found it so odd!

Can anyone offer some perspective?

Part of learning an instrument is learning to practice independently. A good teacher should know this, teach the student how to practice on their own, and not rely on the parent to help with practice.

Thank you for your perspective, that's very interesting. I'm not sure I could deal with this every week to be fair. DD said he was fine but I'm sure she'll move on very quickly if we were not to employ him.

I just asked my DH and he said he'd have told him when he said you had to sit and watch, "No thank you, I don't want to teach her. That's why I'm paying you." 😂

(edited to add, DH is a music teacher although he doesn't do peripatetic lessons)

I had piano lessons from 5-12. Some of these, when I was 5-8 or so were at our home. Neither of my parents ever sat in the same room as me.

So that’s a bit weird. The offence he took sounds a bit unhinged - like he wants you upfront and centre but also not make a normal request to inspire your kid? If it’s not too much faff, I’d shop around

Agree!

You dont sit in on her history lessons so you can better help her with her homework!

Fine is fine, I think someone else could definitely be better. Can’t wait to see what he says if you cancel 🤣

Don’t employ him. Of course not. He was rude and inappropriate. Why would you even consider having him back? Find another teacher who is a reasonable and amiable person.

I’m not sure this stands if they’ve taught you into adulthood. I’m still friends with my teacher who taught me from age 6 to into my 20s. He even officiated at my wedding!

There's not a chance I'd continue with him. I absolutely wouldn't tolerate being 'told off' by some random bloke in my own home. I'd wait 24 hours and then reply with something short like, change of circumstances so will no longer need your services.

Part of being a music teacher is social skills though. If you have poor social skills it's not a good job for you, even if it's caused by a disability or neurological difference.

Yes, I'd not be wanting this sort of bossy feedback at all. Nevermind so soon. Instrumental teachers should always remember you are paying them to teach your child not to judge you or your child.

I'd never actually thought about this but I'm friends with my old piano teacher and briefly dated my brother's violin teacher. 😂 We're also friends with my SD's drum teacher, slightly different as DH went to school with him so they were sort of acquaintances when she started drums.

If you have someone in your house for an hour a week for years it's hard not to end up friends I think.

While strong social skills can be valuable it’s still possible to be a good teacher without them. Teachers with social anxiety can thrive by focusing on teaching the skill while still having clear communication. This man obviously has the talent in music and her daughter presumably got on ok with him/he was polite to her. There was nothing to suggest the lesson itself went badly. I think he just assumed he was being very clear about things to the mum, not realising it could come across bluntly and some people may take it as rude.

He was packing away so why ask him to play the song.

OP- what does your husband think about the text?

The fact he’s followed the (blunt) text up with “see you all next Tuesday” also suggests to me he hasn’t realised how it comes across to you.

But if you're a perpatetic teacher going to pupils' houses you have to market yourself and win over the parents. It's a huge part of the job and you have to sell yourself to every parent, not just at one interview. If you make people uncomfortable and are very touchy then it's a bad choice of role.

I don't think the message was rude. He also wasn't rude in front of child. Do you like his teaching?

He says it is odd and blunt but we should give him another chance.

I don't want him anymore personally, don't think I can get past this. I did get a vibe from him as being a bit controlling about every little thing.

Then your DH can sit in on the lesson and correspond!

If he is on the spectrum (not saying he is for sure) he may not realise he’s being touchy and making folk uncomfortable. He may just think he’s being firm and laying down ground rules/ perhaps he was late for his next client because OP asked him to play again when he’d packed up, and was annoyed so sent that message. I suppose a lesson might be a routine for him and if it goes awry it could cause upset. The way he followed it up with see you next time suggests to me that he doesn’t realise how abrupt he’s been.

he didn’t exactly market himself with his personality to begin with, OP saw a written ad.

This. If it wants you to help her practice and sit and observe the lessons so you can do that, then he needs to expect that you might also have questions for him. It was also a perfectly reasonable request that didn’t heed an arsy response. Find someone else.

Personally as you’re paying for it I would want someone else, the blunt personality wouldn’t work for me.

my children have had lessons over many many years from the age of 5 and I have never ever been required to sit in the room with them. I’d always be lurking around nearby but there is no way I am going to spare about 4 or 5 hours a week to supervise them in their lessons A quick chat at the end of the lesson should tell you what you need to help with.

He was within the 30 mins, not that I'm keeping time but it wasn't outside the lesson. I thought it was so important for DD to hear the song before starting to practice and it indeed made such a difference. The song is literally under 30 seconds.