Odd message from new piano teacher

[Plainplantain]

DD (7) has done a bit of piano at school for the last 2 years. We are not happy with her progress, she doesn't seem to be getting the full 30 mins and she misses different subjects at school to do her classes. So we gave her teacher her notice and started looking for someone else outside school.

We found someone who advertised locally in a shop window. We looked him up online and were happy. Spoke to him on the phone, he said he comes to pupils homes and that it's very important that I stay with them in the room. All good.

He came yesterday after DD's school. I let him in and he got on with the lesson, I sat in the living room with them but about 2 meters behind not interfering with the lesson. He turned to me very assertively and said I have to stay next to them and watch so I know how to help DD with her practice. I complied and moved next to them.

He worked with DD on a song that was a little challenging for her and he said for now she could just work on half of it. Then we had a discussion about the books we needed to buy and then he started packing away. So I said to him, would it be ok for him to play the song she needs to work on so she knows what it is supposed to sound like and what to aim for. He said, oh of course.. sat at the piano and played the song beautifully. DD was very inspired and after he left, she practiced and it sounded almost as it should so that was definitely worth it.

Today in the afternoon (24 hours later) I got this message from him saying very bluntly that I don't need to tell him that he has to play the song for DD. She will get plenty of opportunities to hear him play and that he is a qualified teacher and has been teaching for 32 years and knows what he's doing. My role is to just sit and watch so I know how to help DD. Then he said see you all next week at 4pm.

I'm perplexed. I couldn't have been more polite and accommodating, didn't ask many questions, I went along with everything he asked.. and I just find it rude and so unnecessary. I didn't want to interfere in the lesson at all and I was happy to sit back and watch from a distance. It just left a bad taste in my mouth and I wonder if its a red flag and there is more to come.

I have not replied as I found it so odd!

Can anyone offer some perspective?

Sounds like a headache in waiting to me.

Last thing you need is your DD getting into the style of his teaching, only for it to blow up over something trivial.

For someone to take offence over such a peculiar reason is just laying the foundation for a lot of walking on egg shells.

I wouldn't take this one thing as a reason to get rid to be honest. I would have been a bit irked at that, but he may actually be a really good teacher and exactly what your daughter needs to learn, in which case I'd let him crack on for now.

He didn't pull you up in front of her, and his only crime is writing it quite bluntly, but some people don't understand nuance when writing out messages, in his mind he is probably just informing you of how his process works.

I'm not sure about the demanding you sit next to her though, that seems a bit controlling, so maybe you need someone a bit less uptight/serious about it!

Agree

He doesn’t sound very nice
Personslly I’d take this whole situation as a red flag and consider finding another tutor.

I am a semi-retired piano, violin and viola teacher, as well as an accompanist, of forty plus years' experience. I also have three adult children, each of whom have had music lessons on various instruments. I have never come across anyone like this man. No wonder he still needs to advertise in shop windows after 32 years' teaching. Word of mouth was how my pupils came to me. A seven year old does not need to have a parent in the same room. It has been the exception rather than the rule but I was always happy for a parent to sit in if they so wished. I would not want the parent at the keyboard. I also think it is better if the pupil is taught at the teacher's house. It very important for the teacher to build a relationship with the child and for this to happen the parent is a key part of the team. It is unnecessary for the parent to be following every move the teacher makes; a simple overview of what the child is learning is enough. I also play through pieces. It gives the child an idea of how it sounds but, crucially, how they respond to it. If it is obvious that the child does not like a particular piece that is being suggested, a good teacher will always have plenty of other pieces at hand that help develop the same technique that the child will hopefully like. This is very important because it demonstrates to the child that their likes and dislikes matter and that they will be allowed some say in their own learning. I am of the same opinion as everyone else here. This man is not the right teacher for your daughter. In your position, I would be asking other parents whose children have piano lessons which teacher they have and whether or not they would recommend them. Also, your local Facebook notice board is an excellent place to make enquiries. Good luck.

So not only does he want you to sit there and shut up in your own home but he wants you to pay him for the privilege. Surely there needs to be a bit more respect for you in this process. He seems to think you are his assistant.

I would just find another teacher who isn't threatened by a simple request.

This response would be a red flag in how he perceives any supposed threat to his skill. Children can be naturally curious and I wouldn’t want what should be a positive experience to become 30 minutes of eggshells. Especially in your own home!

If he had a good reason from a learning perspective why not, he could have explained. He still hasn’t, to be fair.

It would be closer to the equivalent of asking the electrician how to quickly show you how to use something he’s installed than telling him how to do his job.

Very strange to message you 24 hours later honestly I would find someone else

@Firefly1987
i wouldn’t tell an electrician but I would explain exactly what I wanted and I would locate the exact position of everything I wanted including distances from architraves etc.
I would expect someone to have a little respect for that in my home when I’m paying.
OPs request wasn’t unreasonable imo.

The thing is, he’s obviously very particular, he’s already told you twice exactly how he expects you to behave. He’s also put you in your place about something without telling you why, he’s basically saying ‘you aren’t allowed to question anything as anything might upset me.’ I’d tell him I’m not ‘seeing him next Tuesday’ 😆

so he spent 30 minutes teaching her a song, but hadn’t once played it to let her hear how it should sound? So you had to prompt him to do so before he left?

I’m not a piano teacher, but that sounds insane to me. Surely that’s one of the first things you would do?

Sounds extreme, but Is he on some sort of register that means he can't be alone with kids or something? Or maybe he's autistic or has ocd or any mental health problems that he doesn't need to declare and is worried about being alone with dd?

I think it's odd he wants you to be so close in the lesson but if she's enjoying it and learning, keep on i guess.

You made a reasonable request to ask him to play the song btw. I always try and give people the benefit of the doubt, (I have OCD and two autistic kids) but I got a bad/ weird feeling reading your opening post before the text part.
Hope that doesn't sound horrible, just an odd feeling.

He would not be allowed to teach children if he was on a sex offenders register.

No I know that, but for an after school/ work hours job, and he's not a school teacher, he could probably get away without saying anything 🤷🏻‍♀️ even if his advert says CRB checked or whatever. Not that I think that's the case here!

As I said, I never think of those things really, and I'm not a suspicious person for the sake of it, but something feels a bit off. He may just not want to be alone with younger kids.

I'm not sure why he's SO insistent about OP staying in the room. Maybe it's just common practice nowadays. Honestly not trying to sound hysterical or anything.

From the OP I immediately thought ND. Have ND family members.

It would have been helpful if he had said something at the time (which I would be tempted to tell him) but maybe he didn't feel he could. It's difficult to say from one session whether you are the wrong fit, but you seemed happy enough with his services up until this message. Personally I would see how it goes. You may have to be equally blunt with him at times

I thought so too and the message confirms this. If your DD gets on with him and in all other ways he is a good teacher then I’d find a way to communicate with him which is equally direct. He may not be aware of how he’s coming across.

It depends on how he is with your DD. If he’s equally brusque with her she might find that difficult to deal with. Or they might have a great relationship.

In this case I would reply “I understand what you are saying. However this was DD’s first session with you and we are all learning how these lessons will go. Our experience is that when she has heard a new piece played properly she has more motivation to practice and improve. Perhaps we could have a quick chat about what we both expect from the lessons, to save any future confusion. See you next Monday.”

How many notices will you give to piano teachers? The school one didn’t measure up. This guy is clearly about to be let go. I guess keep looking and hopefully the third one is a good fit.

When my DC had violin lessons from age seven, I was asked to attend all lessons. I happily complied as I then knew exactly what they should practice. It worked very well.

I think the piano teacher was rude and I would bin him.

Due to his very precise intructions I would not choose this teacher for my child. Though you will only know if you give him a term to prove himself.
My children learnt to love piano, and other instuments eventually, by being introduced in a class with four children, all with keyboards and a very singy, happy teacher.
They, at age about seven, progressed to a single piano lesson with a teacher who came to school. Then, when good enough to do exams, they had a lesson with the teacher at their home after school while also having group lessons at school for singing, flute, choir or whatever.
The most important thing is that your child practise regularly what their teacher asks of them, with parents very aware and supportive. It is also important that they enjoy performing music with their friends.

News to me that you're supposed to sit and watch the entire piano lesson. When I was a girl I was just dropped off at a nice lady piano teacher's house! Yours is neither nice nor a lady, so for both reasons I'd immediately get rid. Are there no nice ladies who can teach a girl piano anymore, without it becoming a massive ball ache for the parents?

From my point of view there are three key elements in deciding on a music teacher.
1 - are they technically a good teacher. So are they sufficiently skilled in their instrument and able to impart the necessary skills and enthusiasm to your child?
2 - does the pupil 'get on' with them?
3 - does the parent 'get on' with them?
If a teacher doesn't satisfy all three criteria then I would look elsewhere.

We had a number of teachers across several instruments for our sons, some for many years. We also moved teachers a number of times as the dynamic changed. On two occasions we decided against a teacher after a single trial lesson.

Wrt sitting in on lessons, this isn't that unusual - DS2 had organ lessons in his later teens at St George's Chapel and I had to sit in the organ loft with him until he reached 18 - apparently a requirement of the venue.

Keeping in touch with long term teachers is not unusual either - DS1 (now in his late '20s) still occassionally gets together with his old piano teacher to play duets and putting on concerts.

There is no doubt that some musicians can be a bit 'odd' - DS1's first piano teacher started his first lesson (aged 7) by going through the technical names of the degrees of the scale (tonic, mediant etc.) and then got him playing Bartok's Mikrokosmos. DS1 loved it 🤣. She was gloriously eccentric, and a brilliant teacher, sadly after about three years she started to suffer from dementia and we had to give up with her.

So @Plainplantain - I'd politely inform your teacher that you aren't going to continue lessons, and then look elsewhere.

I agree.

I sounds as though the teacher, in sending the message rebuking you, was trying to find an 'out'
Neither party seems happy, so move on

I wouldn’t have the patience (or tolerance) for a pretentious twat like that. He’s very full of himself! There are plenty of piano teachers who won’t be arsey so keep searching.