God I’ve got to tell someone they have a personal hygiene problem tomorrow

willowbuffytara · 27/05/2025 21:25

I think just be straight with them
Also have ideas ready - could it be their clothes rather than them?
give them time after to go outside/get a coffee/take some time alone or do it end of the day. They might feel they want to instantly shower and it would be shit to be sat there knowing you smell and can’t do anything

OurManyEnds · 27/05/2025 21:27

I’ve had to do this a couple of times, it’s hideous.

I always opened by saying this was going to be genuinely uncomfortable for both of us, but that we’d noticed there were some issues with personal hygiene, and ask if there was anything I could do to help.

One woman…turned out she’d been brought up really badly and had never been taught about daily washing and properly washing hair, cutting nails, all that stuff. Quite sad actually. She had a lot of questions for me.

Shadow1986 · 27/05/2025 21:29

Years ago we had this problem in our office - it was a woman. You could smell her BO the second you stepped through the door to the open plan, it was unbearable. She must have had some kind of problem because I’ve never known anything like it. Is it that bad or is it just occasional?
my boss did have to tell her in the end but I think she basically told him she had tried everything. She left soon after.

user1492538376 · 27/05/2025 21:32

Thedeuce · 27/05/2025 21:22

Please please please if you’ve ever had this convo before give me top tips. It’s a man not a female and it’s BO.

I think some context might help - family member or work situation?

I used to work with someone who had a bad BO problem and everyone talked about it/was aware of it.

Eventually someone senior got in a car with him and went - ‘God xxxx you stink sort it out!!!’

As long as you don't do that you should be ok 👍

SunComeBack · 27/05/2025 21:32

I’d open by saying it’s not going to be a comfortable conversation and your not there to try and humiliate them.
Maybe ask if there are any issues at home like lack of washing machine or shower ect.

nahthatsnotforme · 27/05/2025 21:32

I’ve had to do this and it’s awful. Just say you know it’s an awful conversation but you have to have it. State the facts as gently as possible and ask if there’s anything you can do to help.
I would do towards the end of the day and then let them leave.

SunComeBack · 27/05/2025 21:32

And I’d do it at the end of the day.

Original poster

Thedeuce · 27/05/2025 21:32

It’s all the time. Hard to nail down if it’s the person or their clothes but they have “work uniform” available everyday free to collect at work so I suspect it’s them.

OP posts:

Ontobetterthings · 27/05/2025 21:33

Shadow1986 · 27/05/2025 21:29

Years ago we had this problem in our office - it was a woman. You could smell her BO the second you stepped through the door to the open plan, it was unbearable. She must have had some kind of problem because I’ve never known anything like it. Is it that bad or is it just occasional?
my boss did have to tell her in the end but I think she basically told him she had tried everything. She left soon after.

Oh no that's awful.

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 27/05/2025 21:40

OP don't use the word hygiene.

It implies they are dirty. They may instead have a medical condition which is not their fault.

I would say, "I need to have a conversation with you about a personal issue. I am really sorry I am having to do this as you are a great colleague and I don't want to make you feel embarrassed. But it is impacting other members of the team. You sometimes smell quite strong. Have you ever been told that before?"

Say it as kindly as possible and then give them chance to say their piece.

But don't assume they don't know how to operate a washing machine. I mean, they might not. But wait for that to become clear.

Glitchymn1 · 27/05/2025 21:42

Yup- I have.
BO - female. Aware of her odour but unwilling to do much about it. Brought up not to care, one bath a week. Horrified by the thought of washing clothes daily, same underwear for the week. She resorted to deodorant - but it doesn’t really last, also left soon after. Lovely woman, heart of gold but absolutely stunk.

I think for some people it’s really hard, they sweat alot, not washing clothes on high temperatures, drying clothes around the house, not washing bodies or hair every day or at least not properly, maybe too tired, depressed, just find it difficult, poor sense of smell maybe.

changednameagain1234 · 27/05/2025 21:42

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 27/05/2025 21:40

OP don't use the word hygiene.

It implies they are dirty. They may instead have a medical condition which is not their fault.

I would say, "I need to have a conversation with you about a personal issue. I am really sorry I am having to do this as you are a great colleague and I don't want to make you feel embarrassed. But it is impacting other members of the team. You sometimes smell quite strong. Have you ever been told that before?"

Say it as kindly as possible and then give them chance to say their piece.

But don't assume they don't know how to operate a washing machine. I mean, they might not. But wait for that to become clear.

Yes, this - great advice

MiracleCures · 27/05/2025 21:44

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 27/05/2025 21:40

OP don't use the word hygiene.

It implies they are dirty. They may instead have a medical condition which is not their fault.

I would say, "I need to have a conversation with you about a personal issue. I am really sorry I am having to do this as you are a great colleague and I don't want to make you feel embarrassed. But it is impacting other members of the team. You sometimes smell quite strong. Have you ever been told that before?"

Say it as kindly as possible and then give them chance to say their piece.

But don't assume they don't know how to operate a washing machine. I mean, they might not. But wait for that to become clear.

I agree with this.
There was someone on my university course who always smelt bad but it was a horrible musty smell and I think he lived in a very damp house.

There can also be medical causes so i would avoid the word hygiene and use the word smell /odour.

Zippp · 27/05/2025 21:45

Yes. Get the message out quickly and simply and also have it in an email to follow.

This conversation is about hygiene, and maintaining hygiene standards in the office. Sorry to have to say your body odour is consistently noticeable and unpleasant for co-workers.

Are there and health issues behind this, or any difficulties at home which get in the way of you washing yourself or your clothes?

(possible referral to Occ Health if health issues, possible welfare assistance if member of staff is experiencing homelessness etc.)

(And line for email, in case you need to take this back to HR later: keen to resolve situation as it’s unpleasant for co-workers and doesn’t reflect well on the organisation when people are visiting.)

Echobelly · 27/05/2025 21:46

I had to do it with an au pair once. It was both harder and easier because he lived with us. It was weird because he was very well groomed and he showered- I worked out I didn't think I'd seen him wash his clothes since he joined us after a few weeks. His last placement had been in a rather overcrowded flat and I wonder if they weren't giving him space to dry his things, so I just spelt out that of course he is welcome to do his laundry whenever he needs, and that seemed to solve it.

doodleschnoodle · 27/05/2025 21:46

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 27/05/2025 21:40

OP don't use the word hygiene.

It implies they are dirty. They may instead have a medical condition which is not their fault.

I would say, "I need to have a conversation with you about a personal issue. I am really sorry I am having to do this as you are a great colleague and I don't want to make you feel embarrassed. But it is impacting other members of the team. You sometimes smell quite strong. Have you ever been told that before?"

Say it as kindly as possible and then give them chance to say their piece.

But don't assume they don't know how to operate a washing machine. I mean, they might not. But wait for that to become clear.

This is really good advice. And definitely agree with PP who said do it before they leave for the day as it will reduce their embarrassment and yours if they don’t have to go back and spend hours among people knowing that everyone thinks they smell.

HeyWiggle · 27/05/2025 21:47

Some people with autism struggle to shower/wash due to sensory issues

WingBingo · 27/05/2025 21:49

Zippp · 27/05/2025 21:45

Yes. Get the message out quickly and simply and also have it in an email to follow.

This conversation is about hygiene, and maintaining hygiene standards in the office. Sorry to have to say your body odour is consistently noticeable and unpleasant for co-workers.

Are there and health issues behind this, or any difficulties at home which get in the way of you washing yourself or your clothes?

(possible referral to Occ Health if health issues, possible welfare assistance if member of staff is experiencing homelessness etc.)

(And line for email, in case you need to take this back to HR later: keen to resolve situation as it’s unpleasant for co-workers and doesn’t reflect well on the organisation when people are visiting.)

Not so sure this advice is worthwhile. Avoid the use of the word hygiene and definitely don’t follow it up in an email.

MidnightMeltdown · 27/05/2025 21:50

nahthatsnotforme · 27/05/2025 21:32

I’ve had to do this and it’s awful. Just say you know it’s an awful conversation but you have to have it. State the facts as gently as possible and ask if there’s anything you can do to help.
I would do towards the end of the day and then let them leave.

I would avoid saying, ‘awful’ as that sets a certain tone and makes it sound as though they’ve done something awful.

I would start by saying something along the lines of, you need to talk to them about something that might be a bit uncomfortable, but hopefully easily resolved.

Original poster

Thedeuce · 27/05/2025 21:51

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 27/05/2025 21:40

OP don't use the word hygiene.

It implies they are dirty. They may instead have a medical condition which is not their fault.

I would say, "I need to have a conversation with you about a personal issue. I am really sorry I am having to do this as you are a great colleague and I don't want to make you feel embarrassed. But it is impacting other members of the team. You sometimes smell quite strong. Have you ever been told that before?"

Say it as kindly as possible and then give them chance to say their piece.

But don't assume they don't know how to operate a washing machine. I mean, they might not. But wait for that to become clear.

Oh this is EXCELLENT. Thank you

OP posts:

SunComeBack · 27/05/2025 21:51

It could be the case they know but don’t know how to fix it. My husband showers every morning and evening, clean clothes everyday but still has BO within a couple of hours unless he uses a deodorant called Perspex, it’s around £8 in boots.

Original poster

Thedeuce · 27/05/2025 21:52

To be fair my son had the same issue and it was from washing with shower gel instead of actual REAL soap not “cream” bars or gels,

Soap properly sorted it

OP posts:

987654321abc · 27/05/2025 21:52

Missclairebenjamin on instagram has loads of examples on how to deal with difficult work situations - here’s a link to her post about BO conversations

www.instagram.com/reel/DAl1nqVNxG0/?igsh=dDhjcXFvNzF5MTY4

GardenGaff · 27/05/2025 21:52

I did it at the end of the day so they were going home straight afterwards.

Use very plain language, don’t talk about a “smell”, if you’re sure it’s body odour then be clear.

I basically acknowledged this was an uncomfortable conversation, told her she smelled strongly of body odour, asked if there was any mental health, medical or mobility issues I needed to be aware of (no), any issues at home with lack of hot water/bathing facilities (no), so then I laid out the expectation of a daily full body wash, more frequently hair washing, and suggested biological washing powder for her clothes if she didn’t already use it.

She was a bit quiet for a week or two afterwards but she didn’t smell any more.

MiracleCures · 27/05/2025 21:54

WingBingo · 27/05/2025 21:49

Not so sure this advice is worthwhile. Avoid the use of the word hygiene and definitely don’t follow it up in an email.

Show quote history

Agree. I definitely wouldnt put this in an email at the outset.
I would make a note of what I said, what their response was and hold it securely

I would also make the initial chat quite short and offer them a follow up chat when they have had time to digest.

I would also if necessary allow them some privacy to recover from the conversation before getting back to work