God I’ve got to tell someone they have a personal hygiene problem tomorrow

[Thedeuce]

Please please please if you’ve ever had this convo before give me top tips. It’s a man not a female and it’s BO.

I've had to do this.

Honestly I've done it so badly at times. I've got it down to perfection now.
Get straight to the point
"We have had some complaints about the standard of your personal hygiene. This is an official verbal warning. Please ensure your body and clothing is clean and fresh at the start of the working day

Thank you, I'm sure you understand this is as difficult to hear as it was for me to say.
If there is anything i can do to support you with this please tell me.

See you tomorrow. Freshly showered, anti persperant, clean clothes .

I have male business partner/friend who'll come to stay for the weekend in the clothes he has on his back and his toothbrush and that's it. No showering or washing anything other than his teeth. Even in summer and/or when we're going out for food/booze and late nights etc.

And ex dp, fastidious about hygiene. If we went out for dinner we couldn't go to the pub for a drink afterwards because of 'smelling of food ', we'd have to come home so dp could shower and change.

Sorry, both diagnosed ASD.

FFS - this the parallel opposite of how to do it. I hope you’re bored and on a wind up

I agree with definitely end of day for a conversation.

I wouldn’t say others have noticed it as that will just make him feel like absolute shit that people will have been talking about him behind his back. Just say you have and you are concerned that others may and may comment on it and you don’t want it to detract from otherwise positive/professional relationships in the office.

You could also convey a (made up) story that a relative had the same issue and he realised he needed a stronger deodorant with which may help to take the sting out a bit.

😭😂

Following

Perfect. If you want to be a dickhead.

Is the employee well paid or likely to be skint/in poor quality housing with no access to decent washing facilities or a washing machine and dryer, OP? It may be that he doesn't have the money - or despite some PPs not realising it, there is no shower.

My friend was like this. I found out (after some digging) that it was because she didn't use soap - or didnt have a good scrub in the shower. And she would not dry clothes properly so they would smell musky - and she would put dirty clothes on after washing.
I had a word - made no difference really. She has autism and adhd and her executive function was poor. It was just too much for her.

Also, as well as the suggestion of using bar soap perhaps also explain the odour can linger on the armpits area of tops and bras.

I use wither vinegar in a spray bottle or Shout spray on these areas of my clothing to remove any lingering odours. It really works! Plus as PP said, a hit wash with biological washing powder.

Check they're using anti perspirant deodorant and not just something like a body spray on the armpits.

Don't envy you OP, blimey this is a tough one. I have no HR experience but from my view would it be worth maybe leading with asking if everything is ok at home as a gentle lead in ? Oh I don't know, best of luck with this hope all goes well for you.

At times? How many smelly people do you work with?!

And official verbal warning? This must be a wind up.

This really worries me as DD15 is autistic and possibly has ADHD. She struggles with changing her clothes?! Once she’s in something she stays in it! She will have a bath/shower but then put the dirty clothes back on! It’s something she really struggles with. I dread this being her in the workplace. 🫤 once she forms the habit it is ingrained in her and she cannot deviate from it, it’s forming the habit in the first place she struggles with.

God that last line. 👀

Ive had to have the conversation with my granddaughter these past few weeks. Luckily she's my granddaughter and I could be pretty blunt

As a girl approaching puberty it was all new to her, and mum hadn't broached it

She told me she sprayed and I explained spraying didn't work, and showed her how to wash at the sink with soap and a cloth if she wasnt showering, then use an antipersperent
But that was family and its a lot easier

I had to have the conversation way back when with a lass at work. A lovely woman, great member of staff, but she stunk

I explained that it wasnt a conversation I wanted to have, but other staff in the office were beginning to voice that they didn't want to be in her team because of her BO . She was aware of some smell, but didn't think it was that bad and as converting to veganism and " natural cruelty free etc products" thought it was an ok trade off .

So we talked though her habits and yes she did wash/shower daily, it was that she had turned her washing down so low - washing clothes in cold water - the sweat wasnt being washed out of her clothes . We got her to a 40oC wash for work clothes - problem solved

This was in the days before washing powder were made to be used in low temps

A lot of people do smell, clothes dried indoors slowly, not washed at a hot enough temp to kill bacteria more so then people who make no attempt to clean themselves. So hygiene is a word that really does need to be avoided, they are probably doing their absolute best but not knowing that a sour smell isnt the norm

My son is like this. I buy him multiples. So, he has several of the same pants, jeans and tops. He can take off the dirty set, shower and put on a clean set of the same clothes.
It works for some, and not for others. It depends if she is comfortable in the clothes because she likes those clothes and how they sit or if it’s really about wearing the same thing because it’s warm, creased to feel ok against her skin instead of fresh etc.

Honestly I taught my children how to wash properly from age 3! Obviously they couldn’t do it all themselves straight away but they could about age 4 - we would make them smell armpits / feet and wash again if needed or help them.

agree acknowledging it’s going to be a difficult conversation is the way to go.

I could be wrong but I think that kind of casual remark could actually be less hurtful than having your manager call you into the office because at least one of your colleagues has complained about you smelling on a regular basis.

Op, I'm trying to imagine if it was me how would I like to be told and I'm kind of drawing a blank. There is no nice way of saying this. Would it be easier to send a general email around saying something like now that it's almost summer can we remind everyone to take special care with their personal hygiene as the offices aren't well ventilated or something like that. You know blame the smell partially on an external entity. Though actually an email might not be a good idea. Maybe a team meeting where you can say it informally but then if everyone looks at the smeller it would be even more hurtful.

In short I don't. Hope it goes well.

Perfection?! This is awful and lacks compassion.

Actually, I'd go with this!!

We used to have a male in work with the same problem and it was to do with being allergic to deodorants, however, I do notice alot of women nowadays who absolutely stink of perfume always makes me think of what my nan used to say "anyone that sprays that much has a smell to hide" shes right.

Well don't do what my DD's boss did to her whole team when she worked in a call centre.
He stood in the doorway of an open plan office as they were about to go home and yelled "ok one of you stinks and I'm going to find out who it is", he then stood in the exit doorway and sniffed them all as they filed out past him.

He found his man but lost DD as she never went back.

OP. Ask A Manager has you covered. She has loads of posts about managers having to do delicate tasks like this. Here are a few:

https://www.askamanager.org/2013/04/how-to-talk-to-an-employee-about-body-odor.html

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/03/talking-to-an-employee-about-body-odor-not-having-work-friends-when-youre-the-boss-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/2018/10/im-the-smelly-coworker.html

Thank you
This is someone's son or daughter.
Needs to be spoken to informally and sensitively
Will be very embarrassing for the person who will likely be very upset.

Do not do this