God I’ve got to tell someone they have a personal hygiene problem tomorrow

[Thedeuce]

Please please please if you’ve ever had this convo before give me top tips. It’s a man not a female and it’s BO.

Oh way to do - how about somebody leaves you the Big Book of Tact on your desk?

This happened to a co worker of mine, I don't know how the meeting went down but I do know that the next day he came in covered from head to toe in Lynx (which was even worse tbh), and about a week later he simply stopped coming to work (it was a retail job).

I like the advice about starting by saying this was going to be uncomfortable for everyone and then being very direct. Not saying too much after and letting them direct the conversation if they want to talk.

That's how I'd want to be told.

If its a medical issue they will likely say, if not maybe mention that your son had the same issue and using soap instead of shower gel etc solved it.

This could be construed as bullying. It will also lead to internal gossiping about who it is directed at and a toxic work atmosphere may develop as a result of this.

Ask for a chat at the end of the day. Start with possible welfare issues - no money for hot water, soap, deodorant, washing powder, no access to a washing machine etc then gently lead on to the need for regular washing of body and hair, use of antiperspirant and laundering of clothes.

There's man where I work who had personal hygiene issues, stale sweat and unwashed clothes mostly. The manager, also male, had a man to man chat about good hygiene practice (we work in healthcare), not making it personal, just in a general way, about how important it was to have clean skin, clean hair and clean clothes. The man in question has never had BO since then. He was in his mid 40's and had been living with his mother until she moved into a retirement village, and my guess is, she did all his washing - and possibly even told him when to have a shower and wash his hair.

no don't do this. unless you leave one for everyone.

Maybe they worked on a makeup counter? 🤣

Otherwise I have no clue why someone would care what makeup another person was wearing?!

I've not read all the comments so this may have been addressed already. 'Nose blindness' is real. I once went on a small boat with several others for a week. There was a chemical toilet which was OK at the beginning of the week, no so much at the end. When I got home DH made me take off most of my clothes (in a door lobby) before setting foot in the house. Over the week the smell had permeated everything (rather as the nicotine smell does in the home of a smoker)

I’d suggest just telling them they small bad (right now), rather than saying that they always smell bad and people have noticed. See if that makes a difference. If not you can tell them they smell bad again. I would avoid implying everyone has been thinking it/ discussing them for some time as that will be hard for the person to come back from.

I told my boss (male). I told him it was almost certainly his clothes (as it's always the clothes that stink. Even if someone never washes, as long as their clothes are clean, it will be bearable. He took it ok and made an effort to wash them more. From time to time I would need to remind him again, but really it didn't cause a problem. And no one else was doing anything about it. HR were aware but didn't want to tackle it. I'm glad I did.

First time poster!

This is the conversation I always fear. I bet this man knows how bad he smells. Unless he looks a state, he probably does know how to take care of himself but that might not help.

I shower twice a day, use deodorant, wash my clothes after every single wear - nothing will take the smell away, although I’ve managed to reduce it.

I’ve got something like TMAU - it’s an endocrine disease which means that eating most (and I mean most foods, healthy or otherwise) make you stink. When I say stink, I mean people can smell it from down a road, at its absolute worst. I’ve cleared buses! Unfortunately, I can’t get a positive diagnosis but I have some specialist NHS care where I can ask for referrals.

After cutting out all foods (I only eat some fruit, a couple of veg, bread I have to make myself), I will still smell moderately bad and then terrible around my period.

Maybe this guy doesn’t wash but he also might have a medical condition. Please keep this in mind!

kind of. I used to manage a rehab team between in patients and outpatients. I did have to remind the whole team one hot summer that we all needed to be careful using body sprays and other scented products because we worked in close physical contact with patients who had respiratory problems and it could actually be a risk factor for them. It was brought to my attention by one of the team who had well controlled asthma, didn't want this to be known at work but had noticed the issue.

I had to do this with a senior manager.

The hardest thing for me was to take it seriously. Honestly, I just wanted to crack up the whole time. Partly because yes, I was young and found it funny. But also partly because it was so awkward.

But it was my job. So I took her into a meeting room and explained that people in the office have complained about the BO smell and is there anything we can offer or support with?

Key thing: come across as supportive and not accusatory / disgusted.

She explained it was down to meds and she would take more care. She left soon after but she wasn’t a good fit so no biggie. But I imagine she was just as mortified as me.

Someone in my current office stinks on hot days. Thankfully it isn’t my job to tell her, however it has been raised and she actually told the manager that she wants to know if it’s affecting people so she’s aware and can do something about it.

All depends on the person. Personally, I’d want to know if it was me. Just treat it as you would anything else. And don’t laugh.

God. We had a "free spirit" van-living nomad type in our workplace once and our boss was so enamoured with his lifestyle that she refused to tackle the fact he had a raging BO problem and was an apologist for his lifestyle choices saying you can't fit a shower or a washer in the van.

It was grim.

At another workplace we had someone who wore his designated smoking jacket to work because the presence of it in his house made his wife gip, so he just subject us all to it instead. When I was pregnant and had HG, the fact my boss refused to tackle it saying smoking is legal, and making me physically ill made me skip work and lose pay and end up in a disciplinary for bullying because I refused to be in his presence and they wouldn't move my disability equipment away from him because there was no where else suitable apparently.

Best of luck to you OP and I wish more people had the guts to tackle this.

This is a horrible and unprofessional suggestion. Please don't do this.

I’ve been on the receiving end of this conversation due to a medical condition, which I do still have but was worse in my younger years.

Try and be as sensitive as you, whilst also getting to the bottom of what you need.

The best conversations I’ve had on the subject have started with acknowledging that it’s awkward, and have ended with asking if there’s anything I could be supported with.

If you can, avoid saying you’ve been informed from colleagues, or it’s been mentioned by the team etc. The paranoia and social anxiety that can cause is unreal, you spend the rest of your of the time working there wondering who’s talking about you.

Thinking about this, however, it might be appropriate to have a travel style one in a neutral (something like Dove original or Nivea) to offer in the private meeting if it's a case where the person doesn't have the money to go out and buy everything on the way home from work after the meeting.

When I was absolutely skint, it would have been really useful to have actual, practical help immediately, rather than have to know but be unable to do anything about it - it's not unusual for schools to have similar supplies for teenagers, for example.

Yes, I had a teacher like that many years ago. She didn't leave though. It was clearly something in her bodily composition.

Indeed it is heartbreaking.

I would recommend role on over spays. A lot like Lynx don't even have deo in them just scent

Once you sweat through a spray on they smell terrible. A lot of offices are too warm and its hard to stay fresh all day. look at that as well

How I would phrase it is that I have never noticed anything but someone in the office did.

I second the posters saying not to mention other colleagues opinions on the matter. It's mortifying enough without making the person feel like everyone has been gossiping and bitching behind their back.

what happened?

I don't see the problem. The person escapes with dignity intact

I really wouldn’t follow this advice @Thedeuce. Don’t use the word hygiene. Don’t talk about people finding it unpleasant to be around them. It’s not your business to ask if there are issues at home. And don’t follow up by email. Basically @JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff had much better advice. Follow that and you should be OK. Good luck!

Oh, I assumed this must be a joke!!

I am guessing that if someone is in a customer facing role and looks like a clown or like they've been out all night, due to terribly applied make-up (tide marks, wonky eyeliner etc ) some employers would care.
Depends on the job

I once saw Barbara Cartland being escorted into the Dorchester looking significantly worse than this: lipstick like the Joker:
https://uk.pinterest.com/pin/297096906659175190/
Standards of presentation at work in a professional environment have gone through the roof since I was working in a public-facing role. I was nearly arrested at a protest a couple of years ago and all I could think as the female police officer started to read me my rights was 'Bloody hell, your teeth and hair are absolutely perfect and your foundation and eye make-up are totally professional...' Lots of professional careers/ situations where women are expected to look beautifully groomed at work at all times and tide-marks and wandering eyeliner won't cut the mustard.