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Original poster

Puppy dealbreaker?

211 replies

Doggyguilt · 08/04/2025 21:21

Dh has always wanted a dog. Grew up with dogs and every member of his family has at least two. I always said ‘maybe in a few years’ as to be honest, I don’t really like dogs. But I like dh so I sort of went along with it as if we might (which I know was wrong I just thought he would drop the idea).

He’s been talking about researching breeds and reputable breeders, looking into rescues as well and I’ve had to say I don’t want to get a puppy and he is SO upset. Said that I’ve misled him and it ‘could be a dealbreaker’.

We’ve just moved and I want the house to be lovely and clean and to not take on more responsibility now our 2 dc are older. I never actually said yes I always said ‘not yet’ or ‘in a couple of years’ so I don’t think i was wrong I just honestly thought he would not stay so desperate for a dog. He’s really pissed off though! He says he would do absolutely everything but that’s not the point. I’m actually worried it really is a dealbreaker for him !

OP posts:
Wakemeupbe4yougogo · 08/04/2025 21:24

That's pretty cruel to have let him think you were on board with this for all that time..... sorry. I've got 2 dogs, DH wouldn't have them by choice but I do all the work and he's happy enough enjoying the good bits.

Original poster
Doggyguilt · 08/04/2025 21:29

I honestly thought he would just go off the idea

OP posts:
DivorcedAndDelighted · 08/04/2025 21:29

Difficult situation for you both. "In a few years" does mean "yes, in a few years", so I agree that you've misled him. How would you have felt if you had desperately wanted children and he'd said "in a few years" then changed that to "never"?
It sounds like this means a lot to him and you may have to compromise. What would you like your kids to learn about compromise in a relationship? Can you have a clear agreement about his responsibilities for a dog? How about adopting an adult dog rather than a puppy, as less messy, less work?

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Dogs
Eggsboxedandmelting · 08/04/2025 21:30

Yabu. He isn't a dc twisting for a new game...
You have been pretty shabby...

Eyesopenwideawake · 08/04/2025 21:31

People who love dogs, love dogs. People who don't can sometimes learn to live with them.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 08/04/2025 21:31

You've lied to him for years and I think that's really cruel. Why would you think he'd forget about something he obviously really wanted the entire time you've known him. Sounds like you don't have much respect for him, treating him like a toddler asking for ice cream.

TeaandHobnobs · 08/04/2025 21:33

My DH has always wanted his own dog (his parents had them when he was a child, but we’ve never had one). We’ve always had cats - my choice, he doesn’t mind them, but he doesn’t particularly bond with them.
When my last DCat died, DH and DD asked if this could be the time to get a dog.
Now I am not a “dog-person” as such (and neither was DS), but I knew this was something they both really really wanted.
DDog is now 18 months, and I won’t lie, it has been hard. But seeing the absolute joy she brings to DH, DD and DS makes it all worth it.
The hardest aspect for me is that we can’t go away anywhere (not even out for a full day trip) without arranging care for the dog. And I still find it a bit irritating on my WFH days when DH isn’t at home to have to do the afternoon walk, often difficult to cram in alongside work and the school run etc.
For all that, DDog is terribly funny and affectionate, and such a wonderful character, I’m sure she has enhanced my life too.

Lightuptheroom · 08/04/2025 21:33

Unfortunately you've caused your own problem and left him with an expectation that he'd one day have a dog. We have 3 dogs and foster for a rescue, we're both in agreement about what we do. I personally wouldn't respect someone who has effectively strung me along for years. Only he will be able to tell you if you've truly created a deal breaker. Equally it's unfair to have a dog if you don't like them. I'd suggest you both sit down and have a very honest conversation, but be aware that you may loose your husband if he feels strongly enough about it.

Megifer · 08/04/2025 21:34

Ooof, that's really cruel OP

Having pets is a huge thing in my life, it would have been a deal breaker for me if I'd been strung along too, especially if DC are older so not really anything making me stay iyswim.

caramac04 · 08/04/2025 21:34

It would be a dealbreaker for me tbh. You’ve basically lied for years whilst your dh has been honest and reasonable.

DogsandFlowers · 08/04/2025 21:35

That’s really men of you, totally horrible I feel sorry for him. Every heard of the word ‘compromise’??
clearly not.

shockthemonkey · 08/04/2025 21:36

Yes I’d be very very hurt by this betrayal

Icequeen01 · 08/04/2025 21:37

I think you have been pretty mean to be honest. You’ve been leading him on for years. My DH always knew I wanted cats when we got married. It was never an if but more a when.

autisticbookworm · 08/04/2025 21:37

You said yes just not yet when you meant no. That’s really unfair you owe him a huge apology. But you shouldn’t get a dog if you don’t want one.

Bloodyhotbifolds · 08/04/2025 21:40

That was really unkind of you op. You ‘thought he’d go off it”? Is he 4? I strongly suggest you reconsider, firstly because you’ve been dishonest and secondly because it’s not all about you.
If I was your DH I’d just get the dog and tell you to lump it.

Glitchymn1 · 08/04/2025 21:41

You are a liar, you can dress it up all you like. Sorry, but you are and it’s the lying that would be a deal breaker for me. What else might you have lied/ be lying about.

Original poster
Doggyguilt · 08/04/2025 21:41

That’s pretty unanimous then. I do feel bad but I really did think with the dc and work and enjoying more free time and holidays etc he would just be ok about it? It wasn’t meant maliciously. I do appreciate the honesty and I will reflect and apologise to dh.

OP posts:
finallysomesunshine · 08/04/2025 21:43

You could change your mind? I was always scared of dogs and really disliked them. Then decided it would be good to have a real pet; cat sadly sadly impossible because of allergies (not mine!); so I chose our dog; oh my goodness she is such a delight…

2024onwardsandup · 08/04/2025 21:44

Who will do the work looking after the dog?

puppies are A LOT of work…

assuming be willl actually be the one who looks sfter the dog primarily - a well vetted rescue could be a good compromise

and make sure to get a breed that suits everyone’s lifestyle

(I am a huge dog person btw)

Original poster
Doggyguilt · 08/04/2025 21:44

Bloodyhotbifolds · 08/04/2025 21:40

That was really unkind of you op. You ‘thought he’d go off it”? Is he 4? I strongly suggest you reconsider, firstly because you’ve been dishonest and secondly because it’s not all about you.
If I was your DH I’d just get the dog and tell you to lump it.

I think the reasons I thought he would go off the idea were once the dc got a bit older things were easier and we’ve been able to work more and have a better quality of life etc. He sees his family a lot so I assumed he had plenty of time around dogs then and they always seems to be a new dog every so often and I assumed that would be enough. I appreciate it was not right of me to string him along and I will reflect on that going forwards and apologise to him.

OP posts:
Pushmepullyou · 08/04/2025 21:44

It would be a dealbreaker for me tbf. Pets are hugely important to me and I don’t want a life without them in it. If my spouse said no pets then we wouldn’t have got/stay married

Seventree · 08/04/2025 21:45

The lie would be a dealbreaker for me, you have strung him along for years.

Fluffyhoglets · 08/04/2025 21:45

Yes you should have been honest that you didn't want one all along. He would have known then to decide whether life without a dog was what he wanted.

Original poster
Doggyguilt · 08/04/2025 21:48

2024onwardsandup · 08/04/2025 21:44

Who will do the work looking after the dog?

puppies are A LOT of work…

assuming be willl actually be the one who looks sfter the dog primarily - a well vetted rescue could be a good compromise

and make sure to get a breed that suits everyone’s lifestyle

(I am a huge dog person btw)

Dh has said he would do absolutely everything but in reality I’m not sure how it would work out as he works 4 days in the office and one at home and I’m 3 days out and one at home

OP posts:
Eggsboxedandmelting · 08/04/2025 21:48

I had a large breed ddog when I met dh. He had always wanted another particular breed of ddog. One not as 'easy' as mine.. Pondered together the pros and cons. Then dh got his dream ddog.. It was important to him so became important to me... Sadly we recently lost his ddog (5 years after I lost mine) . Huge holes left....