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Original poster

Puppy dealbreaker?

211 replies

Doggyguilt · 08/04/2025 21:21

Dh has always wanted a dog. Grew up with dogs and every member of his family has at least two. I always said ‘maybe in a few years’ as to be honest, I don’t really like dogs. But I like dh so I sort of went along with it as if we might (which I know was wrong I just thought he would drop the idea).

He’s been talking about researching breeds and reputable breeders, looking into rescues as well and I’ve had to say I don’t want to get a puppy and he is SO upset. Said that I’ve misled him and it ‘could be a dealbreaker’.

We’ve just moved and I want the house to be lovely and clean and to not take on more responsibility now our 2 dc are older. I never actually said yes I always said ‘not yet’ or ‘in a couple of years’ so I don’t think i was wrong I just honestly thought he would not stay so desperate for a dog. He’s really pissed off though! He says he would do absolutely everything but that’s not the point. I’m actually worried it really is a dealbreaker for him !

OP posts:
LameBorzoi · 09/04/2025 21:31

Springbirds · 09/04/2025 18:36

I am a massive dog person, had them all my life and lost our last one a few weeks ago. I would be on your husband’s side - I really feel for him and do think you should have been more honest about never wanting a dog, I’d be furious too, but then I insisted on dogs from the start and my husband was fine, if unenthusiastic. Obviously he then fell madly in love with various dogs we’ve had over the years.
Big ‘but’ coming…

I don’t think you should get a dog if you don’t want one. It will have a huge impact on your lives, even if you don’t have to care for the dog while he’s at work. The dog will need walking in the evenings, weekends will be affected by the dog - not just walks but also not being able to leave it. Plus, lovely though it is that family members will step in, do you want your in-laws popping in three times a week to tend to the dog? Puppyhood is hard work but relatively short, it’s the old dog years that can be are the most difficult. A coupe of years with an aging retriever with arthritis and heart disease and you’re pretty much not going very far at all. Plenty of trips to the vet though.

A friend was recently persuaded to get a new puppy after their old dog died. It’s been a huge mistake. Just when she and her husband have the time and resources to travel and do as they please, they’re tied to a dog again, and will be until they’re in their seventies.

Show quote history

Normally I would say this, but OP gave her word. I think she's just going to have to suck it up.

LameBorzoi · 09/04/2025 21:33

springbringshope · 09/04/2025 17:58

I want I want I want.

his wants don’t feature much do they.

Show quote history

Exactly.

There was a thread on here recently about a man who was planning to leave his wife due to decades of built up resentment. This is the same dynamic I was seeing there.

Spendysis · 09/04/2025 22:46

Op you should of been honest with him from the start

We are dog lovers always had dogs dh is currently away dog sitting for friends and I would love to set up a dog walking doggy day care / sitting business when the mortgage is paid off but when we lost our last dog we decided we don't want another dc are young adults and I don't want the responsibility I don't want something else to be responsible for to have to look after I've done years of arranging childcare sorting out ddog ensuring he was walked or looked after if we went away never say never but that's how we feel at the moment we do still have a cat so I do understand your point of view op having more freedom now dc are older and not wanting to be tied down with a dog

Another side to this why do you get the final say i presume dh jointly owns the house so doesn’t need permission and could just go and get a dog. I say this as someone who has on more than one occasion just turned up with cats without discussing it with dh luckily he's always doted on them probably more than me

There is going to be resentment either way if you agree to get a dog you don't want although you may end up loving it you may be resentful if dh can't get a dog and it sounds like they are a big part of his family if they had dogs growing up and now all have them he will be resentful especially as you have strung him along for years

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Original poster
Doggyguilt · 10/04/2025 09:03

We spoke last night, I’ve apologised (a lot) he has said how upset he is, that he wouldn’t end the marriage over it but it is going to take him time to get over as it’s hurt him. He does acknowledge other areas over the years where he has made the final decision on the majority of things and had admitted that he is used to getting things how he would like them to be so it’s doubly hard with that plus the fact I wasn’t being truthful.
I suggested he could maybe think about volunteering at a rescue and to facilitate that if he wanted to drop some work hours I would pick up more to offset that. He said it’s in no way the same but he will at least think about it.

OP posts:
Springbirds · 10/04/2025 09:11

Doggyguilt · 10/04/2025 09:03

We spoke last night, I’ve apologised (a lot) he has said how upset he is, that he wouldn’t end the marriage over it but it is going to take him time to get over as it’s hurt him. He does acknowledge other areas over the years where he has made the final decision on the majority of things and had admitted that he is used to getting things how he would like them to be so it’s doubly hard with that plus the fact I wasn’t being truthful.
I suggested he could maybe think about volunteering at a rescue and to facilitate that if he wanted to drop some work hours I would pick up more to offset that. He said it’s in no way the same but he will at least think about it.

The Cinnamon Trust does wonderful work. They help older and terminally ill people care for their pets - dog-walking, grooming, fostering. I cry just looking at their website

Loopytiles · 10/04/2025 12:08

Unsurprising that your H is a man used to getting what he wants from you. Wonder if that - his behaviour when he doesn’t get things his way - contributed to your decision to lie.

Also interesting that you are suggesting a kind of ‘penance’ for yourself (working more) and something nice for him. Unnecessary when, although your lie was bad, you are not the main reason he can’t have a dog. The main reason is that the dog would be home alone 3 days a week or you’d be paying £180 a week for dog daycare.

Another option for him, with his current work pattern, would be ‘borrow my doggie’ or similar, which could be enjoyable, get to know a specific dog and help out a local person.

1apenny2apenny · 11/04/2025 08:37

When he stops work he could consider being a puppy raiser for Guide Dogs. This will give him a taste of what having a dog is like full-time.

JojoM1981 · 11/04/2025 09:02

To those saying "FFS it's only a dog","It's ridiculous that you'd break up a marriage over a dog,or lack of,blah blah". That's not the issue here. The OP has lied and strung her partner along. The lying is the deal breaker here.

springbringshope · 12/04/2025 13:54

Loopytiles · 10/04/2025 12:08

Unsurprising that your H is a man used to getting what he wants from you. Wonder if that - his behaviour when he doesn’t get things his way - contributed to your decision to lie.

Also interesting that you are suggesting a kind of ‘penance’ for yourself (working more) and something nice for him. Unnecessary when, although your lie was bad, you are not the main reason he can’t have a dog. The main reason is that the dog would be home alone 3 days a week or you’d be paying £180 a week for dog daycare.

Another option for him, with his current work pattern, would be ‘borrow my doggie’ or similar, which could be enjoyable, get to know a specific dog and help out a local person.

Where are you getting this idea that DH gets whatever he wants. I haven’t seen anything to that end

Loopytiles · 12/04/2025 16:51

OP’s posts.

PhilippaGeorgiou · 12/04/2025 17:05

Loopytiles · 12/04/2025 16:51

OP’s posts.

Hmmm. That would be the OP who has been lying to her husband for decades? A very reliable source that.

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