Puppy dealbreaker?

[Doggyguilt]

Dh has always wanted a dog. Grew up with dogs and every member of his family has at least two. I always said ‘maybe in a few years’ as to be honest, I don’t really like dogs. But I like dh so I sort of went along with it as if we might (which I know was wrong I just thought he would drop the idea).

He’s been talking about researching breeds and reputable breeders, looking into rescues as well and I’ve had to say I don’t want to get a puppy and he is SO upset. Said that I’ve misled him and it ‘could be a dealbreaker’.

We’ve just moved and I want the house to be lovely and clean and to not take on more responsibility now our 2 dc are older. I never actually said yes I always said ‘not yet’ or ‘in a couple of years’ so I don’t think i was wrong I just honestly thought he would not stay so desperate for a dog. He’s really pissed off though! He says he would do absolutely everything but that’s not the point. I’m actually worried it really is a dealbreaker for him !

I bet your dacshund doesn't need to walk a few miles twice every day though - or some equivalent exercise level.

Compared to my friend's Irish Wolfhounds, my lap dogs are definitely less demanding!

I can understand you not wanting a puppy.
But I can't understand you not being honest about it.
A really dirty trick. Reminds me of these people who tell their partner of course they want to get married but then just won't set a date. Or of course they want children but keep putting it off until the woman is too old to conceive. Is Future faker the terminology for this?
Totally sympathise with your DH and I don't see how he will feel the same about you even if you apologise because lack of honesty is really serious.

Exactly

I can't believe the hysterical responses here. Preparing to break up a marriage with two children over a dog.

It's so melodramatic a thing to say.

He doesn't work from home, so the op will be stuck with it. Convenient.

I can see why he feels that way. It is future faking IMO. You've pretended to be what he was looking for. Got the bits you wanted from him, marriage and DC. Then told him, actually I lied, but you're in too deep to have the life you wanted. It was a cruel thing to do.

<dons hard hat>

He sounds like a bit of a baby TBH. Threatening an ultimatum over a puppy. Honestly.

Also OP you’re allowed to change your mind on things.

It sounds like you’ll be shouldering responsibility you don’t want. No one should be pushed into doing that.

Would a cat suffice? They’re much better and easier to care for.

People are allowed to change their minds. It’s hardly a life altering decision.

Yep.

People lost their minds over dogs these days. Like it’s a major character flaw to not be all adoring over dogs.

Some people would say the same about having children. Or anything really, emigrating, living in the city, the country. It doesn't matter what the thing was. The point is they were seemingly incompatible. OP didn't change her mind, she lied and hoped she could change her husband.

Oh yay the child/dog comparison. What fun.

She probably didn’t expect him to behave like a massive baby.

I can't believe some of the responses on here. Strung him along for years 😆 OP, I don't think getting a dog is the solution here. It will bring a lot more resentment into the relationship than the idea of not getting one. Can't believe your husband says it's a dealbreaker!

This is so OTT

Meet the love of your life but they don't want a pet, so you break it off? COME ON.

You aren't understanding. The point is she lied to get the lifestyle she wanted. Moving abroad isn't a big deal to some. But if OPs DH convinced her to move, telling her it was only for a year then refused to leave it would be a big deal. We're allowed to want things in our life. There is a huge difference between changing your mind and misleading someone.

I'm sure plenty of people do. If youre a big dog person that sees dogs in the future, then you maybe won't want to be with someone that doesn't.

I can see OP’s husband being one of those people who get a dog and dress them as a human and saying when OP can’t walk it “Is the nasty lady being mean again? Is she not taking you for a big long walk? Poor baby give daddy a kiss” as it licks his mouth with its arse germs 🤣

She lied to get the lifestyle she wanted? Good grief. She didn’t marry a billionaire and fail to tell him she has a cock. It’s a dog. It’s not a lifestyle, it’s a pet. And NOTHING like living somewhere you don’t want to live.

It to die over the love of your life, mother of your child over it - is massively OTT and babyish

To you. Those are your core values. Other people have different priorities and that is ok.

If a “core value” is “dog above the most important human to me” then OP is probably well off out of it

Again a dog is not a value. It’s a pet. It’s like saying “I MUST have those Cath Kidston curtains one day” and saying it’s a core value

I doubt he did much of the puppy training when be was growing up. He's probably looking at this through rose tinted specs.

OP what about becoming a foster carer for a dog? Or taking on an older dog which won’t be such a lengthy commitment? I think there are compromises to be had but your OH working away is an issue tbh!

Could your DH do anything with his families dogs? Look after one of them in your house for a fortnight for example, if the family want to go away. (Or do they only go on dog friendly holidays?) as a test. I agree you’ve led him on but also 4 days in the office isn’t compatible with a puppy or an older dog for that matter.

If his family are near and all dog people you might have a lot of help on hand which means you could still have dog free holidays and days out potentially. Or can he or you both do more to be a part of those dogs’ lives - do you all enjoy dog walks, can you get involved and see what it’s like?

Dogs are great but he needs to be realistic about the reality and not just the dream of being an owner. Eg if you really are prepared to consider one, he needs a proper plan, find dog sitters and dog walkers, work out the costs, ask their availability etc before getting a dog rather than just make sweeping “I’ll sort it all out” statements.

I'm going to go against what everyone else has said. My DH wanted to get a dog, swore blind that he'd take full responsibility for it and it would be really good for us all as a family as it would mean we got out more. In reality we got the dog, he properly walked it for maybe the first month and now everything falls on me because I'm at home more and therefore supposedly have more time to walk it around working, caring for our children, cooking, cleaning, and the remainder of my endless list

Honestly what a refreshingly fair response. We are human and we all make mistakes. Just wanted to show out for being reflective and owning it!

Who exactly is he meaning will be”bonding and training” when he’s out over half the week?

Does he mean you or DC? Surely not a dog walker? He’s being completely unrealistic and needs to take off the rosy tinted specs as he’s talking rot and is not even going to be there!

I think a dog can be lovely (I used to have one), but I think it is a huge commitment and all owners need to be on board.