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Funniest reason you got "the ick"...

716 replies

singlewhitetrashheap · 07/04/2025 17:41

A fair few years ago, I was with a really hot bloke from the Netherlands. Tall, dark haired and really good looking. He was also nicely endowed in more intimate areas.

We'd had sex a couple of times and were just learning what we both liked etc. Third occasion is in full swing, and he's on top. He pauses for a minute, and let's out a really loud fart which ordinarily wouldn't be an issue because they're funny. It was really nasty and we had to stop so I could open a window. Fortunately we weren't being loud.

We're getting back into things and I can tell he's getting close but he starts moaning really loudly because he's ALSO farting really loudly and is trying to hide it by moaning like a porn star, and then there's the fact that he can't hide the smell, and it hits me again and the over performative moaning/the actual farting, and the fact that the entire street must have heard him, meant I just couldn't do anything but laugh and gag.

Neither one of us finished and he was mortified. I couldn't stop giggling. It made him sulk. I couldn't help it.

Unfortunately, any sexual attraction I had, completely evaporated. Fortunately, his flight home was the next morning and I didn't have to spend days with him. We never met up again.

OP posts:
FlibbertyGibbitt · 07/04/2025 21:19

Was not feeling it anymore with guy id been seeing for a year. He came to my house one afternoon with his “sex” box. Huge cardboard box full of dressing up stuff etc. Nope mate. DONE.

HorrorFan81 · 07/04/2025 21:20

He kept his socks on during sex. That was the last time we had sex

NeilDiamondsBlowDry · 07/04/2025 21:21

Removing the rind from his Brie

NeilDiamondsBlowDry · 07/04/2025 21:22

@TomatoSandwiches well I did 🤣🤣🤣

FlibbertyGibbitt · 07/04/2025 21:22

Also whilst at school aged 15 ish I started “ going out with” a boy who was a year older and from a village about 6 miles away. He went on exam leave but decided to ride in the pouring rain rain to school to see me one lunch. Looked like a drowned rat. Gave me the ick there and then. He rang up a day later asking if I wanted to go to his house for tea so I lied (as you do) that I was going to my gran’s for tea, and said I didn’t want to see him again.

I was brutal 🤣

NeilDiamondsBlowDry · 07/04/2025 21:23

saying a phrase In German with a ridiculous expression on his face sounded like ‘vat is dat’ but I didn’t ever ask for a translation it was excruciating

SunshineAndFizz · 07/04/2025 21:25

He took his washing to his mums house every weekend. He was 27.

RedHelenB · 07/04/2025 21:27

pelargoniums · 07/04/2025 18:26

He painted a portrait of my cat.

?

Apreslapluielesoleil · 07/04/2025 21:28

He ordered green tea after a Japanese meal which wasn’t too bad but he crossed his legs and lifted the cup in what I can only describe as a dainty manner. Went off him right there.
Another one wore a cream jacket. 🤷‍♀️

Whylurkwhenicanjoinin · 07/04/2025 21:32

We went to a smart Italian restaurant for dinner and when a waiter walked over to offer more parmesan he replied “yes more PARMESIAN for me” urgh

IsItTheBlackOneOrTheRedOne · 07/04/2025 21:34

He had pale pink, rosebud, beestung nipples Envy

thesnailandthewhale · 07/04/2025 21:39

First night I stayed at his wasn’t planned - we went back to his after a night out and as I sat in the bed I saw something on the pillow - a scrunched up piece of fabric - it was his childhood comforter, that he still slept with, aged 43 😩🫤 See ya!

RedHelenB · 07/04/2025 21:40

FlibbertyGibbitt · 07/04/2025 21:22

Also whilst at school aged 15 ish I started “ going out with” a boy who was a year older and from a village about 6 miles away. He went on exam leave but decided to ride in the pouring rain rain to school to see me one lunch. Looked like a drowned rat. Gave me the ick there and then. He rang up a day later asking if I wanted to go to his house for tea so I lied (as you do) that I was going to my gran’s for tea, and said I didn’t want to see him again.

I was brutal 🤣

It was ,poor lad after making all that effort.

NeilDiamondsBlowDry · 07/04/2025 21:41

PollyCreo · 07/04/2025 19:52

Well I found out when he took me back to his place one night! On his worktop were several empty cans of ravioli....god knows how he didn't have rickets or scurvy at the age of 33 😳

Not even rinsed and put in recycling ?

EnjoythemoneyJane · 07/04/2025 21:44

TomatoSandwiches · 07/04/2025 20:39

😁 no, was trying to get a laugh.

You got one from me @TomatoSandwiches 😂

NeilDiamondsBlowDry · 07/04/2025 21:44

BugsyMaroon · 07/04/2025 19:57

First date with a colleague that I had been flirting with for months.

He finished his tuna sandwich, started picking his teeth with a toothpick (and swallowing the pickings) and said in what he thought was a sexy drawl; 'I bet you are a wildcat in the sack'.

I can trump that I think ……re-using a strand of dental floss that he kept in his pocket and actually showed me proudly

Therealjudgejudy · 07/04/2025 21:48

Rpolo · 07/04/2025 20:50

Had old walking shoes that curled up at the end and wore them everywhere. My friends called him elf shoes.

Elf shoes 🤣🤣🤣

Apreslapluielesoleil · 07/04/2025 21:48

We need a 🤮on the react button for some of these.
But haven’t laughed so much in ages.

prelovedusername · 07/04/2025 21:49

A weird braying laugh. Silent breath out, loud bray in. Awful.

WaterWall22 · 07/04/2025 21:49

He wrote me a poem which had a line about taming wild horses...

Shitmonger · 07/04/2025 21:53

He had a tiny little white poodle thing named Lady May. And he talked to her in a high-pitched baby voice that made me want to throw myself off of the nearest bridge. I’m sorry but if he has a dog that can be carried in a purse I just can’t do it. 😂

SpidersAreShitheads · 07/04/2025 21:53

He had a leather jacket - but it was a cowboy-style leather jacket. Complete with tassles.

And then I looked down and noticed he was wearing pointy cowboy boots too.

Absolutely fucking not. Game over.

PollyCreo · 07/04/2025 21:54

NeilDiamondsBlowDry · 07/04/2025 21:41

Not even rinsed and put in recycling ?

No, just the empty cans with the forks still nestled in them. Prior to this, I invited him round to mine for food before going into town for a few drinks. He turned down all my suggestions (not realising he didn't eat meat OR vegetables) so I put on a pan of pasta for him and asked him to keep an eye on it while I went for a shower. I came back down to find him peering over the pan and prodding the pasta with a knife and a bewildered look on his face.

Coconutter24 · 07/04/2025 21:54

TomatoSandwiches · 07/04/2025 20:39

😁 no, was trying to get a laugh.

Thank god 😂😂😂

Shitmonger · 07/04/2025 21:55

SpidersAreShitheads · 07/04/2025 21:53

He had a leather jacket - but it was a cowboy-style leather jacket. Complete with tassles.

And then I looked down and noticed he was wearing pointy cowboy boots too.

Absolutely fucking not. Game over.

Was he from Montana or Wyoming or something or was he just pretending? 😂