Funniest reason you got "the ick"...

[singlewhitetrashheap]

A fair few years ago, I was with a really hot bloke from the Netherlands. Tall, dark haired and really good looking. He was also nicely endowed in more intimate areas.

We'd had sex a couple of times and were just learning what we both liked etc. Third occasion is in full swing, and he's on top. He pauses for a minute, and let's out a really loud fart which ordinarily wouldn't be an issue because they're funny. It was really nasty and we had to stop so I could open a window. Fortunately we weren't being loud.

We're getting back into things and I can tell he's getting close but he starts moaning really loudly because he's ALSO farting really loudly and is trying to hide it by moaning like a porn star, and then there's the fact that he can't hide the smell, and it hits me again and the over performative moaning/the actual farting, and the fact that the entire street must have heard him, meant I just couldn't do anything but laugh and gag.

Neither one of us finished and he was mortified. I couldn't stop giggling. It made him sulk. I couldn't help it.

Unfortunately, any sexual attraction I had, completely evaporated. Fortunately, his flight home was the next morning and I didn't have to spend days with him. We never met up again.

He worked in a burger van in West London - not a horse in sight 😂 English through and through.

He picked me up to go out for the evening and turned up in full cowboy mode. I think they were his best "going-out-on-a-date" clothes....

The boots were REALLY pointy, not those slightly rounded ones. And more tassles than a fucking showgirl.

I think we ended going back to his because I didn't want to be seen out in public with him 😂

One guy: during our third date he thought baby talk was a good idea, e.g., "kissy-wissy", "cuddle-wuddle", "pretty-witty"... Nope.

Another: he used to drink a 'medical' concoction he'd bought online. He said it'd stop him from ever getting ill, and that "big pharma" were attempting to discredit and bury the doctor who'd developed this miracle cure-for-all. He forced me to try it once... It contained BLEACH in it.

Another: he was rather overweight and short, and for some reason he thought that lying on his (single) bed in his undies and stroking my body with his tiny, pudhydg, foot, was alluring. Nooope.

I've just realised that I'm incredibly shallow, lol

1. Really nice bloke, into his music, slim/fit but had a really round face.
2. Again, nice bloke, lots in common but he had a prominent adams apple, which I could not stop looking at when he spoke.
3. He wore an old cowl neck jumper on the first date.
4. Was allergic to cheese
5. Several missing teeth
6. Wore white socks

I'm sure there's loads more but these stood out.

He bought me a teddy and a watch and then wrote me a note to go with it to say “it wasn’t real gold as he had first thought” He had bought it for a tenner from the local market and he thought it would be real gold?! Instant ick!

Had a wart on his head. Freaked me out!

@ExpatMum41 is he still alive do you know ?

If I recall, this is the exact reason that Archduke Franz Ferdinand was assassinated, which in turn triggered World War I. 🐱

Doesnt sound shallow to me! If I've learnt anything in my few years of "milking" men it's that, FOR ME, size does matter. No, not to the extent of rejecting below a certain length or girth, but just going into internal hysterics over tiny ones.
Gosh I sound like I'm a "different one every night" gal. NO but I'm no v.
Anyway the reason I replied here was re you saying you couldn't feel a thing. With me, a tiny one tickled! And it wasn't a case of "is it in yet?", more "are you sure it's hard now?".
Internally I was thinking "how can he tell?" and "how soon shall I fake?".

Probably weak through malnutrition.

@Crinkle77 - yeah, I went out with a guy like this too, incredibly small in that department, my secret name for him was Justin. Didn’t last long.

Wine has just run out of my nose laughing at that and then trying to imagine the rest of the poem

I went in a couple of dates with a man and things were going well. There was definitely an attraction and after a few drinks we went back to his for a coffee.
We got a bit amorous on the sofa and there was some foreplay (but not full sex) - he then sucked his fingers one by one and went ‘oh yeah tasty’ in a really strange voice that sounded like a voiceover from a 1980’s advert by a radio DJ.

Funnily enough the idea of sex disappeared rather rapidly afterwards and I made my excuses to get home.

This sounds like as ex of mine. He got married last year and it occasionally crosses my mind that his wife married silent dan.

This must be almost 30 years ago. But he wore cowboy boots but pixie boot length ones, then while we were waiting for a taxi he said to some random bloke with some bog standard tattoo “cool tatt man”.

Oh god, were you like namast-no?

You went out with Donald Trump????😂

He went to bingo every Monday 😳

He had really really ridiculously saggy balls that swung against my leg like a ball in a long sock. it was so grim.

Haha in my house these are called shit flickers 🫣🤣

Got together on a one night stand, he was hot as hell and had the best drunken night ever. Saw him again sober and he had the same shoes as my dad, loafer type things with a tassel on 🙈 Instant ick, couldn’t shag him and his dad shoes again.

Oh my goodness. I think I had the same experience. Hope it wasn’t the same bloke?
was it up North?

@500mileslong I call those ‘crooners shoes’

I laughed 😆

I felt you meant this one

Drank pints of whole milk, his breath smelt like a toddler