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Funniest reason you got "the ick"...

716 replies

singlewhitetrashheap · 07/04/2025 17:41

A fair few years ago, I was with a really hot bloke from the Netherlands. Tall, dark haired and really good looking. He was also nicely endowed in more intimate areas.

We'd had sex a couple of times and were just learning what we both liked etc. Third occasion is in full swing, and he's on top. He pauses for a minute, and let's out a really loud fart which ordinarily wouldn't be an issue because they're funny. It was really nasty and we had to stop so I could open a window. Fortunately we weren't being loud.

We're getting back into things and I can tell he's getting close but he starts moaning really loudly because he's ALSO farting really loudly and is trying to hide it by moaning like a porn star, and then there's the fact that he can't hide the smell, and it hits me again and the over performative moaning/the actual farting, and the fact that the entire street must have heard him, meant I just couldn't do anything but laugh and gag.

Neither one of us finished and he was mortified. I couldn't stop giggling. It made him sulk. I couldn't help it.

Unfortunately, any sexual attraction I had, completely evaporated. Fortunately, his flight home was the next morning and I didn't have to spend days with him. We never met up again.

OP posts:
Daisymae23 · 08/04/2025 14:10

He ate a scotch egg

Roxysmammy · 08/04/2025 14:11

PollyCreo · 07/04/2025 20:45

I was seeing a Scottish guy about 30 years ago and I got us tickets for a game at Anfield....he complained there 'no atmosphere'. Yeah, he got binned off after that 😅

@pollycreo He'd be dumped on the spot! (fellow red here)

OP posts:
SickOfUselessManagement · 08/04/2025 14:14

OhDoShutUpGeorge · 08/04/2025 13:10

Met a guy (I was late thirties and he was late forties).

He was a decent looking guy facially but had a bit of a huge belly.

I could have got passed that had he worn normal clothes but oh god no he loved his skinny jeans with his giant belly and skinny legs.

He also used the word 'lush' alot.

During sex his giant belly used to make slapping sounds off me.

I tried really hard to encourage him to wear other jeans but nope. He didn't get the hint. I haven't seen him now for years and I always wonder if he is still cutting about in his skinnies with his giant man belly.

Worst of all he loved being naked so he'd answer the door (to me) naked when I arrived at his flat etc to encourage intimacy I think but I was just repulsed.

Oh my Christ! He sounds a right prince.

I had an ex who called me Dormouse and wanted me to call him Field Mouse.

Daisymae23 · 08/04/2025 14:18

singlewhitetrashheap · 08/04/2025 14:12

Was it an artisan Scotch egg?

Edited

Yes it was actually! Scotch eggs give me the ick for some reason and he ordered one on the first date and then…. Nope!

EnjoythemoneyJane · 08/04/2025 14:21

AnonymousBleep · 08/04/2025 10:31

This happened to me once - I was walking through London and he had a huge bogey hanging out of his nose. I was just wondering how to say something without mortifying him when we bumped into (I am not making this up) Brett out of Suede, who he knew because they were both musicians. Pleasantries were exchanged and Brett cheerily said, 'You've got a massive bogey, mate.'

That was the end of things as far as I was concerned.

I’m in a crowded medical waiting room & that just made me snort laugh 😂 😂

SickOfUselessManagement · 08/04/2025 14:29

Shitmonger · 07/04/2025 21:55

Was he from Montana or Wyoming or something or was he just pretending? 😂

I bet he was from somewhere like Rawtenstall or Devizes.

Pandimoanymum · 08/04/2025 14:34

Another one I just remembered. Lovely Irish man, staunch Catholic, turned out to have guilt issues around sex. I don't know if being Catholic had anything to do with it, or not but he'd enjoy the sex, then lie next to me berating himself for 'indulging' and how he shouldn't have done it, etc etc.

Can't remember most of the things he said but it made me feel awful, like he regretted having sex with me personally. Totally off-putting. We slept together twice, because he was lovely in every other way, and I was hoping it was just a one-off. But no. It was a deal breaker, I couldn't put up with that.

Bobbie1976 · 08/04/2025 14:35

My second boyfriend's favourite number was 7 and he went through quite a significant amount of time where he insisted on being called '7' rather than his name.

AngelinaFibres · 08/04/2025 14:46

Had a boyfriend at college. Tall, handsome, posh. We did the deed and then there was a weird smell from under the pillow. He had this crusty hanky stuffed under there. It was a 'wanky hanky'. He had been to very expensive private all boys schools where you wanked into a hanky and then put it in the laundry once a week for housekeeping to deal with. Repulsive on many levels , particularly as it had obviously been there for well over a week.

Differentforgirls · 08/04/2025 14:49

PollyCreo · 07/04/2025 20:55

Omg yes 🤣 He was obviously expecting to come out of the ground with multiple head injuries.

So offensive.

Fairyvocals · 08/04/2025 14:57

The chap who squeaked like a little mouse at the point of climax.

The chap who asked me to give him a back massage after sex, because that’s what his ex used to do.

The chap who told me he was too busy with his important work to wipe his arse properly.

RockyRogue1001 · 08/04/2025 15:01

Can't believe we haven't seen the portrait of the cat

pelargoniums · 08/04/2025 15:02

RockyRogue1001 · 08/04/2025 15:01

Can't believe we haven't seen the portrait of the cat

I gave it to charity 😬

CarpeVitam · 08/04/2025 15:04

He said, “Oopsa Daisy!” When he dropped something.

SickOfUselessManagement · 08/04/2025 15:06

AngelinaFibres · 08/04/2025 14:46

Had a boyfriend at college. Tall, handsome, posh. We did the deed and then there was a weird smell from under the pillow. He had this crusty hanky stuffed under there. It was a 'wanky hanky'. He had been to very expensive private all boys schools where you wanked into a hanky and then put it in the laundry once a week for housekeeping to deal with. Repulsive on many levels , particularly as it had obviously been there for well over a week.

How disgustingly sexist that this is expected of housekeeping! My friend is a housekeeping manager at a boys' private school - I can't wait for her take on this!!!

Chelsea26 · 08/04/2025 15:09

One wrote me a song. He was in a band, a great guitar player and singer and a talented song writer but sitting a chair as he played and sang to me was literally the most awkward thing that had ever happened to me. I didn’t know what to do with my face. My friend was horrified as she’d have loved it.

One was Italian and very vocal during sex - I felt like I was in a 1970’s porno and couldn’t leave soon enough. He was extremely handsome and gobsmacked that I didn’t want to see him again.

One ordered a grilled cheese in 5 Guys - I just couldn’t

ThisFluentBiscuit · 08/04/2025 15:09

Pandimoanymum · 08/04/2025 14:34

Another one I just remembered. Lovely Irish man, staunch Catholic, turned out to have guilt issues around sex. I don't know if being Catholic had anything to do with it, or not but he'd enjoy the sex, then lie next to me berating himself for 'indulging' and how he shouldn't have done it, etc etc.

Can't remember most of the things he said but it made me feel awful, like he regretted having sex with me personally. Totally off-putting. We slept together twice, because he was lovely in every other way, and I was hoping it was just a one-off. But no. It was a deal breaker, I couldn't put up with that.

The Catholic guilt was strong in that one!

ThisFluentBiscuit · 08/04/2025 15:10

SickOfUselessManagement · 08/04/2025 15:06

How disgustingly sexist that this is expected of housekeeping! My friend is a housekeeping manager at a boys' private school - I can't wait for her take on this!!!

I don't believe what this man said - he was just making an excuse because the poster found it!

Differentforgirls · 08/04/2025 15:11
vomit GIF

picking up a plate of gravy & drinking it

CarpeVitam · 08/04/2025 15:18

CarpeVitam · 08/04/2025 15:04

He said, “Oopsa Daisy!” When he dropped something.

I don’t know why really…..”Oopsa Daisy” just seems so unmanly! 🤣

ThisFluentBiscuit · 08/04/2025 15:22

Onthelinetoday · 08/04/2025 07:54

It’s a taught sales technique to build rapport and control the conversation. Someone doing it socially would really get my back up.

It's a rubbish technique - any salesperson doing that sounds like a robot and it instantly gets my back up! It really doesn't work.

Myhusbandwearsmyunderwear · 08/04/2025 15:25

Oh God, when he insisted on wearing my underwear when we had sex. All. The. Time.

Given my smalls are small, he used to stretch them when he heaved his fat body into them. 🤮

I actually considered buying him some in a size 18/20, so mine wouldn't get ruined but thought wtf?!! Buy your own, buddy.

Urgh!

ThisFluentBiscuit · 08/04/2025 15:27

Waterbaby41 · 08/04/2025 08:26

Nice looking guy I met I a bar - things going okay until he proudly announced he had his cock pierced and had a gold ring through the end of it😲.... couldn't get out of there quickly enough!!

I know that guy!! Brighton area?

Waterbaby41 · 08/04/2025 15:31

ThisFluentBiscuit · 08/04/2025 15:27

I know that guy!! Brighton area?

No, Berkshire, but I guess he might have moved!!

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