I know life isn’t fair, but I’m struggling with this

[Jealoussojealous]

I know life isn’t fair, and I know I will be labelled as horribly jealous, but I will admit it first, I am horribly, disgustingly jealous of her life and it physically hurts me to think about it. My ‘friend’ gets almost £1000 a month from benefits, mostly PIP which she is falsely claiming. She uses this money to visit her boyfriend of 4 months in another country. She is now over 3 months pregnant with this man, so she got pregnant almost immediately. She is now getting housed in a matter of weeks, either through the council, or privately renting with lots of contribution from housing benefit. She has never worked a single day in her entire life. I am working self employed 6 days a week, studying my uni degree, and have been with my boyfriend for over two years, yet I barely earn more than her, we live in a tiny studio which we both work full time to afford, and have been ‘trying’ (not really trying, more seeing what happens) for a baby for almost two years with no luck. She will be in her lovely flat paid for mostly by the government, with her lovely little baby, and will never have to ever work, and never has done, while myself and my boyfriend will likely remain childless, in a small flat and working full time jobs for the foreseeable future.

Except it’s not a delusion, it’s her real life.

Just imagine what life would be like if most people suddenly decided to play the system. Would you still feel that way then?

Nah, I speak to my family and I’m happy with our relationship. That hasn’t ever been the problem here.

Isn’t it notoriously difficult to get a PIP claim?

I always find it odd how people look down on those on benefit and have this rage towards them. Why doesn’t society have that sentiment for our MPs with their piss taking “expenses” of oftentimes six figures.

How beautifully and succinctly worded

I do!

Please report her on behalf of the people paying taxes …. The government isn’t paying her rent, we are.

Honestly, OP, I think you probably need to stop worrying about your friend/not friend and invest a bit of time working on your own mental health. The level of anger, bitterness and jealousy that you have towards others is not healthy. Therapy might help.

You clearly don’t like her. Just fade out the friendship. You get nothing positive from it, and it’s not bringing out the best in you.

@Jealoussojealous I'm afraid you will get shot down by the it's not easy on benefits brigade.
I agree with you, some people just take.
But I, and you, have better self-respect. And we will have good pensions to retire on, hopefully own our own homes.

Oh look! Another day, another benefit bashing thread. Yawn.

It’s funny how so many people on here know people committing benefit fraud, yet the always have a reason not to report them 🙄.

Exactly to your last sentence.

When another way of looking at your respective lives would be that something has gone appallingly wrong in her life, she’s unemployed, directionless and benefits-dependent, has poor MH (because regardless of what she’s told you, everything you say suggests someone conspicuously not coping, including getting pregnant by a virtual stranger who lives in another country) whereas you’re in a committed, presumably happy relationship with a man you presumably love, who will be there and part of your baby’s life 24/7 if you have one, plus have a job, are studying something you presumably like to improve your career prospects once you graduate.

You have everything going for you. She doesn’t.

You went to uni. You hopefully enjoyed that time and experienced a lot.

You have a job that hopefully you enjoy (in some part at least)

You have a long term partner who you're in it together with.

Yes, life might seem unfair at the moment, but comparison is the thief of joy.

Think about the positives in YOUR life.

Your friend is always going to be limited. It sounds like she may end up as a single mum in a council flat (nothing wrong with that.. I am also a single mum and did live in a council flat!) but is that the life you'd actually want?

Have you had your conception issues investigated? How old are you?

You say you are stressed about keeping afloat and live in a tiny flat, yet want a baby. The mind boggles.

Don't try for a baby in a studio flat.

I honestly think you would find a reason to hate anyone you know who got pregnant right now. The idea that you might never have a child can stir so many feelings and the fact she got pregnant straight away will make it seem even more unjust. I've been on both sides of these feelings. It's fine to distance yourself while you are TTC but try to remember. your fertility struggle really isn't her fault or anyone elses.

Thank you. I have not had any issues investigated because I am scared to be frank. I am very early 20’s

And yes, here we come back to one of the oddities of Mn — the concept of ‘friend’ meaning ‘someone I dislike and resent intensely’.

OP, this ‘friendship’ isn’t doing you any favours.

Well according to you she's got a life of relative luxury, doesn't pay any bills, has a lovely flat and flies abroad to have her nails done. I don't see why you're so terribly concerned about her welfare when it all sounds so hunky dory. She'll presumably get even more benefits, as well as a lot of help from various agencies, when the baby arrives too. If she's lying through her teeth about her anxiety then why do you think she won't cope, especially given that she's got everything so beautifully in place?

Well exactly. I don’t hate her, I hate the fact that everything has come so easily to her. That she didn’t even really want children, yet she got pregnant straight away.

Why are you friends with her. Drop her as a friend and move on. Jealousy is am ugly emotion. Live your life and forget her.

Well, she sounds like a loser and you sound like someone who has a strong work ethic and has ambition 🤷‍♀️ I know who's life I'd rather have if I had to choose.

It sticks in the craw I know - a relative of mine hasn't worked a day in her life, has 5 dc's and has just been handed a 4 bedroom house in a decent area - paid for by the taxpayer of course. the house would be worth about £400K to buy and likely she'll be there for life now - however she's a wrong 'un with dubious morals and a string of failed relationships with lowlifes and I wouldn't swap places with her for the world.

Could have fooled me.Seems extremely easy round here!

My DH has 6 months fully paid sick leave, 4 months fully paid paternity leave (I got pregnant unexpectedly at the start of his sick leave, we had unprotected sex for 9 years prior and had just been referred to the fertility clinic when I got pregnant; he is getting a vasectomy next month bearing in mind his health challenges but we think we can handle one baby). He will get 67% of salary under income protection (company paid insurance). If you add it up it's a year of salary mostly fully paid. He works for a bank. He earns 75k a year but the cap is 200k per year. Socialism for banking employees, I doubt none of the PIP claimants have such a deal. We do have a mortgage though on a small 2 bed flat in London which has to be paid for.

He suffers from adhd burnout, has history of epilepsy, potential heart issues etc etc etc, has run up tens of thousands in medical bills which bupa is covering in full.

and occupational health says his claim is an open and shut case.

This.