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Original poster

Do I tell DD DH doesn't think she has it in her?

211 replies

ATreeNamedFred · 30/01/2025 20:11

Basically what DH just said. DD is currently ranked 20 in the country for her sport. She is, admittedly, quite laid back about it. As in she doesn't burst into floods of tears if she doesn't win a match AND she thinks she played well. (If she thinks she didn't do well and lost, then it's another story).

There's a training camp in the summer holidays and I just showed DH the details. He said there's no point as he's given up the hope that DD will ever be competitive to win anything. But I can ask her if she wants to go.

He goes to max. one match a year and never bothers to get her from training any more, I always have to. Although he says at 12, she's old enough to take the bus home (wait up to 10mins out on an industrial road for the bus to the city centre and wait 15-20 mins for the bus home) as a cop out.

She never misses a match or a training session unless she's ill. She's been told she can join the national squad training sessions next year. How the hell am I supposed to hide from her the fact that he thinks she's not good enough and doesn't believe she will ever win anything?

OP posts:
TiramisuThief · 30/01/2025 20:13

Well, he's a great dad isn't he!

I feel sad for your dd reading that. He should be pleased as punch she's that good at her sport. She's only 12, a lot can change in the teen years.

RIPVPROG · 30/01/2025 20:14

Tell him he's an absolute arsehole, she doesn't have to be crying and yelling to be dedicated. Support your daughter to carry on doing her sport, to go to the camp and tell her 'D' F to piss off

Onleemoi · 30/01/2025 20:14

Tell him to hide his feelings and support her like any decent dad would?

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Ameliepoulainandthephotobooth · 30/01/2025 20:16

Why would you even consider telling her?

HoppityBun · 30/01/2025 20:18

It’s surely about your DD doing what she wants to do for herself, isn’t it? She’s not doing it for your DH. I can’t see that if it requires money and effort from her parents that’s possibly a consideration. How she reacts to winning is up to her. Why would you tell her that her dick of a father doesn’t believe in her? You’ve gone to some trouble to explain that he doesn’t make much effort, which I assume is to ensure that you get responses telling you to ignore him. I don’t understand about hiding from her that her father doesn’t believe in her. Just don’t tell her, though in some competitive people that sours them on to prove that the doubter is wrong.

Can’t you just keep quiet and tell him to keep his negative opinions to himself?

Daisyvodka · 30/01/2025 20:19

Wow... honestly, im just really sad for your DD that's this is her dad. Who gives a shit if she isn't competitive?!? She's having fun, being active, what more could you want??

Ginkypig · 30/01/2025 20:20

So despite not being obsessed (like some athletes) she has made it to the top 20 and is invested enormous that she turns up to everything’s expected apart from illness. She has been offered a spot on the national squad which will put her with the training she needs to take it to the next level but your husband can’t even be arsed to pick her up from track.

tell him he is not being a good parent infant he is acting like a dick.

littlemissprosseco · 30/01/2025 20:22

Well you deffo don’t tell her! You support her for as long as she loves her sport, and what will be will be. Shes young, she’ll change and grow.
DH on the other hand needs a serious talking to

mosaicbrokenhearts · 30/01/2025 20:22

Wow, she’s ranked 20th in the country and she’s only 12? How can he not be proud of that. She must be competitive if she is ranked? Or is he just insinuating she doesn’t have killer competitive instinct? Either way he is being a bit ridiculous. And I wouldn’t let my 12yr old hang around for those buses either.

Marylou2 · 30/01/2025 20:25

What an idiot. Your poor DD. Even if she doesn't make it to the top in her chosen sport,the discipline of practise and competition will be character building and invaluable in other aspects of her life. She's certainly not old enough to be waiting at bus stops on her own. Have a stern word with your "D" H.

Starlight7080 · 30/01/2025 20:25

Don't tell her. Just support her and be behind her no matter how well she does .
He sounds awful . He should be ashamed of himself . She is only 12 !

Billyblue47 · 30/01/2025 20:27

Don't tell her. This isn't about her. It's about him. He's just another lazy, selfish wanker who is doing the bare minimum of parenting. He's trying to justify being a mediocre parent by saying her hobby is pointless and therefore he doesn't have to get involved. The only thing that is pointless is him and his areshole comments.

countrysidedeficit · 30/01/2025 20:28

He's a really shit dad. Does that manifest in other ways?

ScrambledSmegs · 30/01/2025 20:28

No, you don't tell her. You tell him to keep that ill-informed opinion of his to himself if he doesn't want to damage his relationship with his DD irreparably.

Dryshampoofordays · 30/01/2025 20:28

He sounds jealous. Why are you considering telling her?

JustRollWithIt · 30/01/2025 20:30

She is only 12 years old! At that age the most important thing in sport is to be having fun doing it

Sparkletastic · 30/01/2025 20:32

There's only one total loser in this scenario and it isn't your DD.

countrysidedeficit · 30/01/2025 20:32

Emma Raducanu is ranked 56 by WTA. Should she quit tennis?

vodkaredbullgirl · 30/01/2025 20:34

Her dad sounds an arse.

Franjipanl8r · 30/01/2025 20:38

All you need to tell her is that statistically men are over confident in their own abilities and under confident in women’s abilities. It’s called sub-conscious gender bias and it’s something women are always up against. Tell her all of that and tell her not to ever doubt herself.

LetThemEat · 30/01/2025 20:39

12 years old and ranked 20th in the country in her chosen sport…and he doesn’t think she’s good enough? Wow.

Well I don’t even know her and reading about her commitment and achievement makes me feel proud of her.

Unless he was ranked number 1 in the world at 12 then he has no room to criticise. And even if he was, putting his daughters achievements down is a dick move.

I really hope she goes on to achieve greatness, and I hope you enjoy the smug looks you’ll be able to give him when she does!

zerogrey · 30/01/2025 20:40

He's a fucking prick.

Silvers11 · 30/01/2025 20:41

No you absolutely do not tell her. Surprised you are even asking the question to be honest! Just keep supporting her as you do - and have a strong word with your DH about his attitude. He may well be right, in the long run - but she's doing brilliantly just now. Who knows what may happen in the future?

Louve · 30/01/2025 20:41

Do not tell her, and make sure your DH never says anything to make her doubt her ability. It is so damaging.

I speak from experience sadly, having been in a very similar situation in my teens with a parent and probably the same sport.

Self belief and enjoyment are everything. She should keep enjoying it, have a good mindset/outlook towards it and see where it takes her. The sky could be her limit! Don't let Dad stop that.

FrustratedandBemused · 30/01/2025 20:42

Why would you even consider telling her?