Do I tell DD DH doesn't think she has it in her?

[ATreeNamedFred]

Basically what DH just said. DD is currently ranked 20 in the country for her sport. She is, admittedly, quite laid back about it. As in she doesn't burst into floods of tears if she doesn't win a match AND she thinks she played well. (If she thinks she didn't do well and lost, then it's another story).

There's a training camp in the summer holidays and I just showed DH the details. He said there's no point as he's given up the hope that DD will ever be competitive to win anything. But I can ask her if she wants to go.

He goes to max. one match a year and never bothers to get her from training any more, I always have to. Although he says at 12, she's old enough to take the bus home (wait up to 10mins out on an industrial road for the bus to the city centre and wait 15-20 mins for the bus home) as a cop out.

She never misses a match or a training session unless she's ill. She's been told she can join the national squad training sessions next year. How the hell am I supposed to hide from her the fact that he thinks she's not good enough and doesn't believe she will ever win anything?

Bet he would support her if she was male ?

we know what men think about women's sports anyway; tell him she does not need his stupid opinion, nor she needs to be number 1 to enjoy a sport which gives her so much, especially as she likes practicing. Life is for living not competing only

I might not be very good for what I studied but I studied it and got good enough grades and no one can stop me from practicing, it is my life

@WoolySnail a PBP?! MN bingo! Did you report?

20th in her country at age 12 & goes to every training session & match. I would say she has it in her. Your DH needs to have a word with himself. I'd be so cross with him
Don't say anything to your daughter. Just continue to support her in her progress. She sounds amazing.

I don't see pushing here.

Do not tell her, even if she asks. She doesn't need to deal with that and it's something she would likely remember and be hurt by I to adulthood. Don't put her through that because her Dad is a complete arse.

Why on earth would you even consider telling your dd? And you should tell him to keep his opinion to himself.

She already knows he's a useless dad anyway, because he's not interested in watching her play, and therefore doesn't even know what the fuck he is talking about. I bet she sees loads of mums abd dad's at sport and is fully aware. Don't shut her down if she ever mentions it. That would be gas lighting.

Got something else to spend his money on has he?

He sounds jealous and deliberately sabotaging with the lack of lifts.

This is so sad OP. Does he do other bonding activities with her? My dad used to take me running (drive to the club and then he would also cycle beside me running on other days). We had such a strong bond and these are some of my favourite childhood memories. It was never about how good I was (that was just a bonus). I can’t tell you how much it meant to me and I felt so supported. This is your husbands great loss but maybe your gain to have that wonderful connection.

So many kids cave under the pressure of competitive sport. A laid back attitude may just be the thing that takes her further in the long run. Good on her. Don’t underestimate people. I’m not sure why you would consider sharing his views with her though. I think that’s pretty fucked up.

You need to be her biggest fan. That’s what you do.

She already knows he's just not very interested. They notice what you do far more than what you say. Sounds like she's pretty level-headed though; she probably won't let it bother her.

My father never took the slightest interest in any of my (more intellectual / artistic) pursuits at this age (30+ years on, still doesn't). I can't remember ever giving it a thought. Kids accept what they're used to. I had a parent who shared quite a lot of my interests and another who didn't, and that was just how it was. Support her, accept that he won't, and try not to worry.

The most worrying thing about this post is that you’re considering telling your daughter, why would you do that? Do you want to make her feel utterly devastated, you must keep it to yourself and not give any inkling about it, even if she asks there are ways to answer that aren’t so downright hurtful.
I think you’re more peeved he’s not helping and are thinking of punishing him for it … don’t do it!

So what if she never wins a competition! She is doing something active and sociable and getting a lot from it. Keep supporting her, it will pay off in more than just medals.

Plus, I can never understand why anyone would want their child to be an Olympic athlete. I think it is far healthier, physically and mentally, to have an attitude like your daughter's.

He sounds like a very selfish parent. All he can see is his own comfort being disrupted.

Please don't tell her op
I think he sounds like an arse but if that's his opinion that's his opinion, you don't need to make it worse by repeating it to your DD. You can bet your bottom dollar if your DD won an Olympic medal at her sport he'd be to the fore taking all the glory having put in none of the effort

I would tbh not to be able to be in a relationship with a man who cared so little about his daughter and didn't wsnt to take part in her daily life leaving all the work to me.

What is her DF ranked 20th at?

No don't tell her, tell him to buck his ideas up. If he can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

What a dick your husband is…. I don’t think I could look at my DH if he made such horrid comments about our DD!

What on earth else does he want he has a 12yo, 20th in the country in her sport, attends all sessions, and will be training with the national team next year. He needs to take a long hard look at himself and give his head a wobble!!!

Please don’t tell her she really doesn’t need his opinion!! I am angry on behalf of your DD to be honest, how dare he!!

I hope you are telling him what a prick he is!

What would telling her achieve? Support her and keep your grown up chats to yourselves.

What sort of man would let his 12 year old daughter catch two buses and presumably have an hour long journey and presumably in the evening time so dark in the winter months rather than go pick her up. Fking prck!.

My son dreamed (as many do) of playing rugby for his county (not country, county). He never even made trials, but he showed up to every muddy cold wet practise every Thursday night and 8am every Sunday (me too as his driver) and was captain the last two years for his team. He was dedicated but didn't have enough talent. He was crushed when he was repeatedly not chosen for trials but loved the game. He kept showing up. In fact he's 21 now and still plays.
What does it matter that your DD might never be better than top 20 (which is a huge achievement)? She obviously loves it. And she probably already knows how her Dad doesn't rate her by the mere fact he doesn't turn up for her matches or help get her from training. But you do and that will have to be enough.
This really saddens me. My son's father died when he was six. Neither of his other boys showed much interest in sport (cricket maybe, and of course love to watch), but my DH was passionate about rugby. He would have done anything possible to attend our DS's every training session, every match. He wouldn't have cared if DS was number 1 or 100.

This makes me so sad too, him moaning at her she was taking to long to eat and go to bed 🥺😓

Your DH is an ignorant arsehole.

It’s the bigger picture that he’s completely missing.

Please do not repeat what he said to your DD.

What does her coach think? He will likely have a better idea of her chances than her dad does.