Do I tell DD DH doesn't think she has it in her?

[ATreeNamedFred]

Basically what DH just said. DD is currently ranked 20 in the country for her sport. She is, admittedly, quite laid back about it. As in she doesn't burst into floods of tears if she doesn't win a match AND she thinks she played well. (If she thinks she didn't do well and lost, then it's another story).

There's a training camp in the summer holidays and I just showed DH the details. He said there's no point as he's given up the hope that DD will ever be competitive to win anything. But I can ask her if she wants to go.

He goes to max. one match a year and never bothers to get her from training any more, I always have to. Although he says at 12, she's old enough to take the bus home (wait up to 10mins out on an industrial road for the bus to the city centre and wait 15-20 mins for the bus home) as a cop out.

She never misses a match or a training session unless she's ill. She's been told she can join the national squad training sessions next year. How the hell am I supposed to hide from her the fact that he thinks she's not good enough and doesn't believe she will ever win anything?

She sounds pretty dedicated if she is missing out on stuff with friends to do this sport. And just the taking part, meeting like-minded peers is probably really good for her. It sounds as if you have also invested a lot, dropping off/collecting, volunteering at matches. TBH the person who isn't really giving anything to this is your husband! He could be a bit more supportive and involved, otherwise what did he bother having kids for?!

@ATreeNamedFred is he a lazy bastard or the type of person that thinks nothing is worth doing unless you win/you're the best?

It shouldn't matter that she's not no. 1, even ignoring the effect that growing up and attitude could have on performance, if she enjoys her sport and wants to do it.

So many children are too sedentary and as she's getting lots of benefits from her exercise, mentally and physically, it's mad to consider upsetting that by relating what her dad said.

I'm quite upset for you and your DD by the attitude of your DH. You need to protect her from his toxic ideas at what is quite a delicate age.

Also, what he said about getting the bus... that really isn't great. If he'd be cool with her being tailed home by an opportunist, and something happening to her as a result, then he can carry on. If not then he needs to give himself a shake.

Twat alert.

Is he jealous about missed opportunities of his own?
Sounds like she could thrive if going to a camp.
Support her, I would.

Well my dd is a similar age and not remotely talented at any of her hobbies. DH and I both support her in her interests financially, emotionally, by showing interest, going to watch her regularly and obviously with lifts. I think any parent who doesn’t is a bit of an arse. It’s different if to be supportive is too expensive or time consuming and is getting in the way of other commitments. To do it because you don’t think they will win is such an awful message to give on so many levels.

I was listening to a podcast yesterday with Emily Campbell (I think that's her name, the Olympian weightlifter) she was doing weightlifting to help her shot putting. Did it because she enjoyed it and ended up winning championships and going to the Olympics. All this to say, in some sports, you don't have to be obsessive and have a sport be all consuming at this age to get to a decent level and then if you want to dedicate yourself you can choose to. Other sports obvs by 12 it's already over if you aren't at a high level. Either way my DD did two seriously competitive sports throughout her childhood and it has taught her resilience, strong work ethics and mostly kept her out of trouble!

He doesn't have any right to an opinion if he doesn't regularly watch your DD. But even if he did he should back her regardless. As a Dad I'm speechless at his attitude.

Your husband is a bad place, leave him there and focus on your daughter. He is a tosser, successful and happy people are not tossers, so he does not get it

You are powered by seeing your daughter passion and dedication, he is powered by his own dreams and delusions, by his hope to bask in glory and reflected light.

There is no point in you telling your daughter what her father thinks of her, one way or another, in my opinion. He can tell her himself, and you should tell her that he is wrong and come up with examples of things she got better at with time.

Take your own decisions by your own judgement only. If you feel she can walk and travel on their own, let her. Otherwise accompany her yourself. Praise the effort, not the result, and she will put effort in.

If then she does not achieve that specific goal, whatever it is for her, she will see herself anyway as a fighter and an achiever. And she will be able to use that attitude to achieve other things.

It is wonderful that your daughter has a passion, don't blow it, and do no let your husband give her his own crap view of a world divided in people who have it and people who don't. Creatwd by people who do no have it.