Do I tell DD DH doesn't think she has it in her?

[ATreeNamedFred]

Basically what DH just said. DD is currently ranked 20 in the country for her sport. She is, admittedly, quite laid back about it. As in she doesn't burst into floods of tears if she doesn't win a match AND she thinks she played well. (If she thinks she didn't do well and lost, then it's another story).

There's a training camp in the summer holidays and I just showed DH the details. He said there's no point as he's given up the hope that DD will ever be competitive to win anything. But I can ask her if she wants to go.

He goes to max. one match a year and never bothers to get her from training any more, I always have to. Although he says at 12, she's old enough to take the bus home (wait up to 10mins out on an industrial road for the bus to the city centre and wait 15-20 mins for the bus home) as a cop out.

She never misses a match or a training session unless she's ill. She's been told she can join the national squad training sessions next year. How the hell am I supposed to hide from her the fact that he thinks she's not good enough and doesn't believe she will ever win anything?

Do not tell her! I’d tell him this is absolutely a shit attitude for him to have , the opposite of what being a dad should be and if she ever finds out he thinks that or he isn’t supportive he can pack a bag and sleep somewhere else. Ask if he is going to pull her from school since she’s not even close to top 20 in her year level nationally so presumably he thinks she’s dumb as dog shit and should drop out.

is a shit dad in other ways? Because this is SHIT. Never let her know. I’d kick my husband out if he told my daughter this.

Your DH is :

An arsehole
A shit dad
A nasty piece of work

He's a nasty husband.
He's a nasty father.
I bet he's just a horrible man in general.

Tell me what his good points are. Oh... and she will already know he doesn't think she's any good just because he doesn't take her or watch her. She knows he doesn't think much of her at all - I mean, what decent man would want their child unsafe like he does?

loads of us do sports without hope of being the best, but for the sheer enjoyment of it. She might one day be the best, she might not, if she enjoys it and wants to do it....

This. He doesn’t even care for her safety or feel protective of her, with his attitude to the bus. It must be very hard for you to feel at all attracted to him.

@ATreeNamedFred is your DH saying that he doesn't think she's good enough, or that he doesn't think she has the drive and determination to fight for it? If she's not competitive, then she's probably just not driven enough to make the sacrifices that being 'the best' requires. Which is fine, but I guess that might be what your DH is saying?? Does DD actually want to be 'the best'? Or is she just enjoying the experience?

She's 12?!

Her dad's a total dick.

Get rid of him before he ruins your child.

Sounds like she's got a very good attitude.

Him, not so much.

You don't tell DD that her dad doesn't think that she has it in her to be successful in her sport. You tell him to fuck off with his negative attitude about his own daughter. You tell him that you're ashamed of him.She's only 12 and she's already ranked in 20th place for her sport? That's amazing, he should be really proud and I've no idea why he isn't.

What an awful awful nasty man. Your daughter is fab! Keep supporting her and when she gets her gold or world championship he won’t be there because your daughter will work out what a shit dad she has for herself.

This is awful. He is the only one not good enough for either of you! Get rid!

Imagine being jealous of your own daughter. Crazy.

He’s entitled to have a private and honest conversation with you that doesn’t need repeating to her.

he hasn’t said you need to tell her. And unless it’s late/ dark of course a 12 year can take a bus home. Especially after a match when there will be other people around.

Don’t tell her.

His lack of interest will be evident and it will be his loss, as your DD will remember this when she’s an adult.

I was always hopeless at sport and am still not interested personally but have trekked miles for the kids’ training and matches. You don’t do it because you’re nurturing the next Olympic gold medallist or whatever, it’s being a supportive parent. It’s encouraging commitment to something - even if you’re not THE best, be YOUR best!

DH (who was quite decent at his sport) has trailed around watching our (at best, average at it) child do a sport he’s not keen on and was devastated when they packed it in because he liked doing it with them.

Your DH needs to have a word with himself.

Who cares? Can't she just carry on with a sport that she's really good at and really enjoys.

What a grade A arsehole. This would massively put me off him.

Your husband reminds me of my ex who told me that our son will never be an Olympic athlete, so why would he bother to get up at 5am. to bring him training. My son was doing competitive swimming until he was 18, I was always the one getting up at 5 am, doing the pool duty, bringing him to most competition as he could not be arsed. I would have loved to have a lie in on Saturday morning, but my son was very dedicated to the swimming he enjoyed it, so I did not mind. As long as my son was happy, it was the principal. He had won a few competitions and got to the national. He did well, and I am proud of him. He now swims recreationally and has switched to diving now that he is in his 20. He is an excellent swimmer. I have an excellent relationship with my son, who will always come to stay with me when he visits home. He never stays at his dad, will visit him maybe for an hour or two as my son has realised how selfish his dad is. In conclusion as long as your kid enjoys the sport, let him/her do it.

You say nothing and don’t fall out with DH over this.

Continue to support and encourage your DD whilst she is still keen and enjoying her sport and be very proud if her.

Is your DH usually this negative, lazy and disinterested or is he a bit jealous of your DD or might he be a bit depressed?

I was shit at football. Two keepy uppies if I was lucky and only really put on the field if nobody else showed up. I was on the worst team known to man. My dad also hated football too.

Guess what, every Sunday morning he sacrificed his hobby to drive me here, there, everywhere to stand on the side of the pitch and support me. He couldn’t even stand the other dads as he’s the least football type man you’d ever meet.

Dad just wanted me to be happy. And was probably quite happy that I was staying out of trouble/keeping fit.

Does it interfere with her university studies or university application or anything of the sort? If realistically she is not going to earn a living with her sport, then she has to go to uni, right? If she is not already at uni? And if it does not impede her studies, does it impact you financially to a point that you are struggling? You have to think of all those things. Dc played the piano and figure-skated really well, and we had a tough time when my gran (German-trained accompanist) sat us all down and told us that our dc would never make a living as pianists/accompanists and the coach said the same about figure-skating - we all decided to concentrate on getting into uni to get a degree which would give our dc a chance to earn some sort of a wage after graduation, so basically the piano and figure-skating took stopped being a priority. So many things to consider, what I am trying to say.

Depending on the sport the top 20 will still be good enough to play professionally - there are 24 lionnesses named per squad, for example
and even if not professionally in the sport someone who has played at that level could still make a career out of coaching if they wanted to

I also agree with the poster/s who pointed out that even if she wasn't ever going to be top athlete level it's still something that's worth doing, even if just for the social/active element

was he like this when she was 5 drawing him a picture 'You're not going to be the next picasso, so don't even bother?'

basically, he sounds like a complete knob

Why would some douchebag guy's opinion matter just because he's her dad. I don't go asking Ian at number 48 what he thinks of what I did at work today. She sounds 100% more sorted than your DH so she should ignore him and crack on.

Maybe he is being a realist, I don't know - but to tell your DD that he has no faith in her?!! Just no. Don't tell her and don't let him tell her either.

She's only 12, and achieving, give her a break!

Your daughter has a really healthy attitude to her sport and her training - she clearly has potential to go further if she’s been asked to join national training camps and at 12 there is so much time and so much can change. Keep supporting her to follow her dreams and ignore your absolute dickhead of a husband!

Never tell her that, she’s 12, doing amazing, dpesnt missing a training, there’s a chance it will destroy the sport for her, break her heart finding out her dad is an arsehole.
if you tell anyone anything tell dh to get a fucking grip and be supportive.