Was what I said a racial microaggression?

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My sister and I were out, and we bumped into a woman I was friends with at work (but have lost touch with) about 15 years ago.

It was excited to see her. We said hi and had a nice (albeit brief) chat before we both had to dash. During the chat I said "You look amazing, by the way. How have you not aged a single day since we worked at X?!" (for context, I most definitely have aged - lots of wrinkles now...).

My sister says that this was a racial microaggression. My colleague/friend is black. My sister and I are white. My sister says it's a microaggression because it assumes that black people "should" visibly age at the same rate as white people, and that's not necessarily the case.

Friend/colleague showed no sign of being anything but pleased and friendly with me, but now I'm worried.

Would you consider what I said a racial microaggression?

I am a woke leftie and I think that your sister is being ridiculous.

Phew! Thank you

Tell your sister black don’t crack.

Eh?! Your sister is bonkers.

Same - misunderstandings like this mean that actual racists get away with it

My sister's husband (who is black) always says this, and it's why says it's a racial microaggression to make the comment I did!

Your sister has an 'interesting' read on the situation. If you lunged at this woman shouting 'Black don't crack!' she'd have had a point.

your sister is one of 'those' people! constantly on the look out, willing to be offended on behalf of someone, purely so that can make themselves look great with an extra bit of virtue signalling... i'd just laugh at her

You didn't reference her ethnicity so I don't think so.

But “black don’t crack” is a scientific fact though 😂

Eh? I am brown and people say this to me too, occasionally. I see it as kindly meant and take it as a compliment.

This isn't meant to be a humble brag.

Yes, if you said something like, "oh, you haven't aged because everyone knows your skin colour stays young" then there would be a problem. You just complimented someone you haven't seen for ages.

As a wrinkly, I have great envy of black women of my age whose skin is smooth as silk. I take great care not to mention it though because of what your sister said.

She appears to be the one who has made the assumption here, not you. You said something that most people would take as a compliment regardless of skin colour. Struggling to see how that is a microagression.

It's fine. People are always surprised if I ever reveal my age. I would never be offended by that.

I think id laugh if someone accused me of microaggression.

I never even knew this but recently did think Floella Benjamin looks no older than when she was on TV in the 1970s and she looks fab. How can it be racist to think someone 's skin looks amazing.

If the person you said it to wasn’t offended, I think you’re fine. I’m all for allyship but your sister sounds like she’s looking to be offended on someone else’s behalf.

My friends who are women of colour will often say 'black dont crack'. Not sure they would see what you said as a microaggression. i will have to find out.

Same

Haha, me too!!

Holy shit, you told someone they look amazing and hadn't aged and your sister thinks it's a microaggression? She's disappeared up her own arse.

A (black) friend of mine says that saying black don’t crack is racist- the assumption that all black people are alike and that if they’re aging well it’s because they’re somehow different or other to white people, rather than because a particular person has taken care of themselves or just happens to be youthful and beautiful. I find this more persuasive than the idea that complimenting someone on their appearance without referencing race at all is racist.

My cousin's wife is black, she is older than me but has beautiful wrinkle-free skin. I often compliment her on it and so do others. She doesn't take offence, she says thank you and is pleased by the compliments.
What she does find very insulting and a racial microagression is white people telling her when she should be offended. She says she is quite capable of knowing when to take offence without being told.