Was what I said a racial microaggression?

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My sister and I were out, and we bumped into a woman I was friends with at work (but have lost touch with) about 15 years ago.

It was excited to see her. We said hi and had a nice (albeit brief) chat before we both had to dash. During the chat I said "You look amazing, by the way. How have you not aged a single day since we worked at X?!" (for context, I most definitely have aged - lots of wrinkles now...).

My sister says that this was a racial microaggression. My colleague/friend is black. My sister and I are white. My sister says it's a microaggression because it assumes that black people "should" visibly age at the same rate as white people, and that's not necessarily the case.

Friend/colleague showed no sign of being anything but pleased and friendly with me, but now I'm worried.

Would you consider what I said a racial microaggression?

Yes there's more signs of ageing than a complexion. Hair, eyes, teeth, how people walk. You can have someone with lots of laughter lines who can still look younger than those with less lines.

It is normal chat to say to someone you haven't seen for ages 'wow you haven't changed at all' and it is just a compliment.

Western beauty standards are centred on white supremacy. So no, it’s not the same thing.

And yet some of the most beautiful and famous women are black or mixed race. Beyonce, Rhianna, Zendaya, Halle Berry etc. The list goes on so beauty standards are certainly not centred on white supremacy at all.

Again, 'black don't crack' should be as offensive to everyone as if people said 'white don't.... '

Let's not make sweeping generalisations based on skin colour.

@LadyTangerine Of course beauty standards are based on whiteness! Those women you listed are very light skinned, and are considered attractive precisely because they meet Caucasian beauty standards more closely than darker skinned black women. Colourism is very much an issue too.

Smooth hair hasn't always been the ideal, I'm thinking of my gran's perm or even lots of my friends who had perms in the 70s, I never did it as my hair is very fine and frail and I think a 70s perm would probably have left me bald.

Honestly, the audacity of someone to come on a thread about it microaggressions, make a blatantly racist comment and then try to argue beauty standards aren’t based on white supremacy. The gaslighting is real.

Yes - but the poster in question was told she looked "exactly the same" after 20 years. Sure, people may age well and in some cases not look significantly older. But no one looks "exactly the same".

I haven't made a racist comment. I've said repeatedly we reallly should not say 'black don't crack' suggesting white people all age badly when no one would dream of saying 'white don't.....' .

Nowadays making sweeping comments based on skin colour is rightly not tolerated.

@LadyTangerine Are you suggesting that the saying ‘black don’t crack’ is racist towards white people?

Stop listening to her. I'm black and have absolutely no problem with that. Definitely not a micro aggression

I believe she is. Meanwhile, the comment mentions nothing about white people. Her comment, on the other hand… 🙄

I keep saying it - MN really needs a facepalm react emoji.

Perhaps your sister is envious of the compliments and wants to unsettle you a little for making them.Forget about it.

Reminds me of the time when Katy Perry was on graham Norton and told Ross noble he was racist for saying “Chinese people.” Just exposes idiocy!!

My neighbour is from Somalia. On my last birthday she was surprised how old I am and I said it's my Jewish skin. "Ah, she replied, "it's like Black don't crack then, Jewish stays newish."
Your sister would probably hate both of us but we found it três amusing.

I think you are right your Dsis is looking to be offended when no offence was intended.

Well you didn't turn round and say 'black don't crack'! You said she looked good. It is often said (by white people) that black people age less. But you didn't mention her race. And you were being really friendly and nice. I honestly don't think there's a issue.

Fooking hell. If you can't pay someone a genuine compliment then you might as well not speak.

I am not a 'woke leftie' and I think your sister is being ridiculous.

Your sister is a half-wit and should not be allowed out in public un-escorted.

Mixed race woman here 🙋🏽‍♀️

Tell your friend it isn’t based off an ‘assumption’. It’s based off scientific fact.

Black skin contains more melanin and therefore doesn’t get as easily damaged by UV rays/the sun as lighter complexions do. It also contains more oil and therefore has more elasticity, meaning it can take longer to wrinkle. Black skin also has more collagen fibres.

So when we say ‘black don’t crack’ (which I say all the time when people compliment me on my skin and how I look), it’s literally because black skin does have properties that give it more durability.

Nonsense. Definitely not.

Absolutely not. I say this to my friend about his mum all the time. She is 60 and looks 40 at most. Like he says, black don’t crack!

Ummm, no. It's a complement isn't it?

Yes, I agree, those women look very white. Beyonce's hair is streaked with blonde.