Was what I said a racial microaggression?

[PhonePhonePhone]

My sister and I were out, and we bumped into a woman I was friends with at work (but have lost touch with) about 15 years ago.

It was excited to see her. We said hi and had a nice (albeit brief) chat before we both had to dash. During the chat I said "You look amazing, by the way. How have you not aged a single day since we worked at X?!" (for context, I most definitely have aged - lots of wrinkles now...).

My sister says that this was a racial microaggression. My colleague/friend is black. My sister and I are white. My sister says it's a microaggression because it assumes that black people "should" visibly age at the same rate as white people, and that's not necessarily the case.

Friend/colleague showed no sign of being anything but pleased and friendly with me, but now I'm worried.

Would you consider what I said a racial microaggression?

Your sister is stirring it.

Not a micro aggression. As previous posters have said...had you said 'lucky you, black don't crack' that would be considered a micro aggression. Generally ANYONE being told they don't look like they've aged would take it as a compliment

Is it really?
I think saying you look fantastic, you look well etc, you haven't changed / aged a bit is a really common thing to be said when seeing a friend for the first time in ages?

Clearly it's less racist, if some conversations, are only had with with people of your own ethnicity. The more topics of conversation that you can't have with other ethnicities, the more understanding and social cohesion we'll have overall. In fact, stopping small talk and pleasantries such as you had with your ex-colleague, should just be the beginning - if you were a true ally, you'd refrain from talking to anyone slightly different from you at all, to avoid any misunderstanding or hurt feelings 🙄

Your sister sounds tiresome at best.

I just can't see it.
Everyone ages (and most people especially women perceive that negatively).
You told someone they hadn't aged. It's a compliment.

If we take this approach we'll all just have to stop talking to each other for fear of some imagined slight.

What on earth is a racial microaggression??? All you did was compliment her on her lovely skin...

Your sister is wrong on this one.

Yep, I’m another who agrees with this.

Your sister sounds exhausting.

My goodness, by her standards it's so awkward for you to engage with black people it's best to just avoid them. Presuming all black people are over sensitive defensive hive mind people is actually much more racist.

Im also a woke lefty who in no way thinks that’s a racial micro aggression. You gave a genuine compliment to your friend. Your sis needs to pipe down

Does your sister look like Captain Tom's older sister, @PhonePhonePhone ? Possibly you triggered her keep going. 👵🏻

Has does your sister ever manage to speak to anyone at all?

I'm a bleeding liberal and your sister is an utter idiot.

Tbf the skin is different, it's not about care. People of colour have different structure of skin a bit as well as melanin protection from sun yo extent so they do actually do wrinkle less easily than white skin.

I worked with a black woman who had the most beautiful smooth skin, I found out she was 50 and was shocked! Her response to me? ‘Well black don’t crack!’

Absolutely! How ridiculous that any conversation with someone of a different colour to yourself no matter how innocuous has to result in a racial micro aggression.

This is seriously bonkers and is also harmful to race relations as racism without being real/justified fuels right wing rhetoric. I would show her this thread.

My sister says it's a microaggression because it assumes that black people "should" visibly age at the same rate as white people

What constitutes a microaggression is to some extent debatable. (For what it's worth, when I read articles about what some people called "microaggressions", many of them seem to be pretty clumsy and frankly a lot more than "micro", but maybe I'm too woke!)

But surely for a racial micro- (or any other scale of) aggression to take place, there has to be some actual mention of race, or skin colour, or origin, or some other "difference", out loud in the conversation?

If at no point was skin colour discussed then for your sister to have reached this conclusion suggests that she assumes that you were seeing the entire transaction in terms of race. Which is funny, because she was actually the one doing that. She was in the presence of an unknown (to her) black woman and started looking to police your behaviour, without taking into account that it was your friend. This is not only "beyond woke", it's also a bit tone deaf generally.

And anyway, can't people look older without that being expressed as wrinkles?

I would advise you to do some research on what a micro aggression is.

How bloody ridiculous. Your sister is a twat

Your sister is being quite absurd. Your ex-colleague just said what she thought when she saw you, it was a compliment! Some people are barely recognisable years later, you are, enjoy it.

Well quite. I think that if I were black I could get quite pissed off with people tiptoeing round me striving not to offend! The woman looked great - you told her - good on you! Her colour is irrelevant to this conversation.

Very confusing, so if I say “brown people will not burn as easy” that’s racist because I’m assuming all brown people are alike when it could be to do with their specific genetics?

Are we really at a point where we can’t even mention people’s race anymore? Even if not in a discriminatory way?

During the chat I said "You look amazing, by the way. How have you not aged a single day since we worked at X?!"

You meant it as a compliment - she seemed to take it as one and was pleased.

Now someone not involved or witness to any of the conversation is now saying it was racist because the women receiving the compliment was black.

I think if your friend didn't say anything and seemed happy to be told she looked good and much younger than expected - then no you didn't secretly insult her whatever your sister claims.

I've only ever heard black people using this expression though and usually in a way that would suggest they are happy about it and not offended.

If this expression is insulting towards a particular race- surely its insulting towards non black people rather than black people?

OP- your sister is being ridiculous.