Was what I said a racial microaggression?

[PhonePhonePhone]

My sister and I were out, and we bumped into a woman I was friends with at work (but have lost touch with) about 15 years ago.

It was excited to see her. We said hi and had a nice (albeit brief) chat before we both had to dash. During the chat I said "You look amazing, by the way. How have you not aged a single day since we worked at X?!" (for context, I most definitely have aged - lots of wrinkles now...).

My sister says that this was a racial microaggression. My colleague/friend is black. My sister and I are white. My sister says it's a microaggression because it assumes that black people "should" visibly age at the same rate as white people, and that's not necessarily the case.

Friend/colleague showed no sign of being anything but pleased and friendly with me, but now I'm worried.

Would you consider what I said a racial microaggression?

I am black. I am the first to point out racism and microaggressions. Racists hate me for being black and calling them on their shit. They would probably call me “woke”.

What you said was not a microaggression.

ETA: please don’t say “black don’t crack” unless you’re black, of course.

Well your black friend seems uninformed about the clear difference in the way skin pigment affects aging.

The reality is black skin doesn’t age in the same way as white skin. It’s science, not racist.

My aunt washes her face with a bar of soap and uses no sunscreen. Shes was routinely mistaken for my baby son’s mother when she was aged 58. Zero care taken. Just genetics and melanin.

This totally. Also what another poster said about white people deciding what POC should be offended by. Get over yourself, OP's sister!

I’ve only ever heard black folk saying ‘black don’t crack’. Not that you did say this anyway.

What is a good response when a black person says that to you (I'm not black, but I'm mixed race other races)? I never know what to say.

Yes it was. Why make such a personal comment at all? You're tying yourself into knots because it wasn't necessary to say it.

Shoes, bags, nails... all safe to compliment.

I think it could only be considered in any way racist if white people never age well. I know people who have aged well of all colours. Also not all black people age well maybe it is more common for some ethnicities to age at different rates but other factors come into it eg my husband is black and he is also disabled by a very painful condition. He hasn't aged well since that condition started maybe due to pain or maybe the strong meds he's on.

Out of curiosity, did your sister share how she would go about this interaction? If she thought someone looked great, would she just hold it in and miss an opportunity to brighten up a woman’s day? Very strange to me, I’ll tell anyone they look great if I believe it, regardless of skin colour.

What? Why is everything made about race?

Your sister is bonkers

I must get my husband to have a word with his skin as it obviously isn't behaving as it should

Wow paying a complement to someone is now microaggression. Your sister is wrong in my opinion.

No, that's a normal compliment.

Happy to be guided by the Black MNetters that have commented that it is not a micro-aggression.

Also it isn’t just wrinkles that can age us, but hair. OPs friend may be lucky if no hair loss (genetics play a factor) but might also have been careful with her Hair care a link to a dermatologist at John Hopkins Medical - hospital group in America

I know what they are and for the life of me I can't see how what the OP said could be construed as one? Why do you think the OP intended it as a microaggression? I just can't see it. She paid a simple compliment.

Well not really, because whether it's visible or not, people of all races do age. And I'm sure most people, regardless of race, would be happier with it being not so visible. I think.your sister is overthinking this massively

FFS...

Your sister is ridiculous. Micro aggression WTAF?

It was a lovely compliment to give somebody whatever their ethnicity.

It's just something people say to people they haven't seen in a while.
It would be more racist if you DIDN'T say it because they were black.

How bonkers do you have to be to think compliment = microaggression. Your sister needs to get a grip

But she wasn't saying that black people never age or age differently . She was treating this lady as she would treat a lady of any other race. I don't see the issue.

Well, some compliments can absolutely be microaggressions. This one wasn't, though.

In my experience black ladies are well aware that they age well and enjoy being complimented on it! Doubt she’d be offended.

Your sister is an idiot, is she usually the type to try her best to pick holes in what people say