Was what I said a racial microaggression?

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My sister and I were out, and we bumped into a woman I was friends with at work (but have lost touch with) about 15 years ago.

It was excited to see her. We said hi and had a nice (albeit brief) chat before we both had to dash. During the chat I said "You look amazing, by the way. How have you not aged a single day since we worked at X?!" (for context, I most definitely have aged - lots of wrinkles now...).

My sister says that this was a racial microaggression. My colleague/friend is black. My sister and I are white. My sister says it's a microaggression because it assumes that black people "should" visibly age at the same rate as white people, and that's not necessarily the case.

Friend/colleague showed no sign of being anything but pleased and friendly with me, but now I'm worried.

Would you consider what I said a racial microaggression?

I think it would hav ebeen a micro aggression if you'd said, "my word, black people don't agae at all do they". But you didn't. You complimented her on how good she looked. I would not consider that a micro aggression.

Having said that, I am no tblack so I couldn't say if I'm 100% right or wrong on this.

Goodness me your sister is being ridiculous, it was an observation and just a nice thing to say! Pay zero attention 😂

I'd have laughed and assumed she was joking. Silly.

Hahahah no. Listen to POC about what is a micoagression, not overzealous white people looking to point-score.

Indeed, if your sister really wants to be educated on this and not merely appear educated....she might consider not speaking over/for POC on racism!

This made me chuckle. My bestie is black and in her 60's without a single wrinkle, she looks AMAZING. This is one of her stock phrases, she says it a lot when we compliment her.

Thank you all - this is very reassuring, and I might show the thread to DSis!

I'm intrigued by the people who say it's a weird thing to say full-stop. It's many years since I saw my ex-colleague/friend, and a lot of people I know have changed massively in that time. She really hasn't, and I was just struck by how healthy and youthful she still looks (not just skin - she also has a very youthful figure, etc - but her skin is seriously smooth and wrinkle-free, so that is certainly part of it). It just seemed a non-event to say so (till my sister made me think that might have been wrong). I suppose perhaps assuming it's a compliment is in fact ageist!

"You look amazing, by the way. How have you not aged a single day since we worked at X?!"

I would take 'not aged a day' as a social figure of speech rather than a literal comment - just a reinforcement of 'you look amazing' and the sort of friendly thing that you might say to anyone you'd not seen for years who was still looking reasonably good.

Give me strength! Sadly, It’s people like your sister who are doing harm to race relations.

Utter nonsense.

Your sister displayed macroaggression. That's all that happened there.

Earlier today, when I told someone my age she asked me what face cream I use. Maybe she was being racist? I’m Greek with a dark olive complexion. I thought she was being nice as I don’t have any lines (yet) but what do I know?

Maybe I should defend DSis a bit....

To be fair, her kids (who are biracial) have been experiencing some definite racism from both their white and their black friends, and I think perhaps DSis is on high alert to detect tiny signs of racism, to the extent that perhaps she perceives them when they're not there sometimes.

Peers, not friends

What you said was a compliment.

Your sister is utterly ridiculous. Calling everything racist means that actual racism no longer has a word to describe it.

Your sister needs her head examined

You probably made the lady's day 😊

To the tiny minority on this thread saying it's rude to saying someone hasn't aged a bit .. er, no, it's a compliment. What would you say if someone said it to you? Would you storm off offended?

You know it's your sister displaying the microaggression right. She wouldn't ever compliment a black woman on looking good for her age, because of the undertone of black don't crack, which presumably means she would compliment a white woman, even if they both looked equally good? WTF.

No. Your sister is being ridiculous. It’s the sort of unnecessary over-sensitivity that makes people think "woke" is something bad.

Your sister is being absolutely frightful. The type of person who takes BLM so seriously she probably takes the knee every time Lenny Henry appears on the Telly!

If your sister thinks complimenting someone is racist I wouldn't value her opinion anymore on what is actually racism.

Me too.

No, I wouldn't see this as microagression.